Checking compulsion/acted on my thoughts?

Now I'm thinking that I may have acted on a thought or did some kind of exposure when it came to having my elbow come in contact with someone's behind. This isn't something I take pleasure in and it's not something I enjoyed or want to do it again. I remember getting thoughts that went back and forth about what if this happened and what if it didn't and do it or don't do it but then I didn't move my elbow and it happened. Maybe I didn't want it to happen? I don't know. I read on a forum that someone could have intrusive thoughts about someone bumping into them, the person lets them do it, but then OCD will make them think it was their fault or their bad for letting it happen but they did it as an exposure. I'm not even sure anymore

Real Events OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

I just need to figure out why this happened and why I did this but I don't think it will matter because I'm convinced I sexually assaulted someone

ecrooks

Date posted: 2y

I can relate to how it sounds like your mind is feeling with questions and possibilities and wanting to find that certainty of did i or didn’t I- and I know what my therapist would tell me is that you won’t be able to find certainty. It’s an illusion, and all this ruminating is not going to solve anything. I know how hard it is and how much it sucks, trust me. I’ve been doing this all day after having gotten better about it for a while. It’s so hard but you’re not alone.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

What have you been doing all day to get better? Uncertainty? I honestly don't even know how to do that at this point. These intrusive thoughts are getting to so many different levels that I can't even focus. It tries to make me feel guilty about anything. I try to take my mind off it and something else comes up

ecrooks

Date posted: 2y

Well, I should have been trying to sit with uncertainty but instead I’ve been ruminating, much like you. And about the same theme. I know how impossible it feels to accept the possibility that you might have done something terrible. But truly it is the only way. What I try to do is acknowledge the thoughts, and instead of ruminating or trying to find certainty or figure them out, reviewing past events etc, I just say, “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know.” Sometimes instead of saying, “what if I…” I say, “even if I… I still have to clean the house. I still have to feed the baby. I still deserve love.” Trust me please when I tell you I feel guilty every single day, and sometimes it’s just about getting through the next 5 minutes. And then the next. If therapy is an option I highly highly recommend it. It has helped me a lot even though I’m still struggling. I used to spend 90% of my days doing compulsions and now I have days where I barely do them at all.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

I'm really sorry that you're struggling so badly with compulsions. I'm sorry that you feel like you can't bring yourself to any peace because of this. When you say you're bothered with the same theme, is it about the exact thing I listed? I would have never guessed if that's the case. I would be a lot better if I knew this didn't happen at all, but then again that also goes for all of my mistakes in life. Maybe I'm just being unfair to myself in some ways. I really don't know. I have done terrible things in the past but I don't ruminate about it as much as this though. Therapy is something I'd like but I'm just too scared to get it

ecrooks

Date posted: 2y

Im sorry you’re struggling too. I just struggle with wondering if I sexually assaulted someone or violated their consent. I was scared to get therapy as well but I got to a point where not going was not an option. It has been so helpful. I hope you find some healing and tools for recovery ❤️‍🩹

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

I don't know what I'm going to do. My thoughts are all over the place. All I remember is what I was doing when it happened, which was zipping up my bag when it happened when I could've just stopped and moved out of the way.

tayanominous

Date posted: 23w

Did I act on the thoughts?

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

harm ocd during intimacy

18+ i was having intimacy with my lover. i was frustrated and i had a thought like "hurt her physically", i think i Remember not agreeing with it. i didn't hurt my lover they were fine they never felt hurt physically, but im afraid i might have done some action with the intention to hurt them but maybe i wasn't violent enough? idk. i don't remember any action with that intention so that's that. it happened like a couple of hours ago and im afraid i forgot about it. also, i get anxious because sometimes when i have intrusive thoughts i kind of act on it? not as in like doing what the intrusive thoughts tells me, but something similar that is better in a way? like today i had a thought like "grope your lover in public" but instead of doing that i just squeezed their waist. so idk im afraid i might have done something similar here

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

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Checking compulsion/acted on my thoughts?

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