I’ve been struggling with the worst depression I have ever had. It is horrible. Then ocd continues to hamper on the suicidal ocd thoughts and it’s so hard. I feel like the anxiety is literally creating trauma in my body because I cannot stop being hyper vigilant. I don’t even know the compulsion that I’m doing to continue this. Feeling so down and helpless.
I had suicidal ocd for 7 months during Covid and it was awful. I luckily was able to recover completely from it and have been recovered from suicidal ocd since 2021 (at the time I wasn’t diagnosed with ocd I was being treated for gad but my therapist had to take a similar approach to what you do in erp) It’s hard and I know it feels like you won’t get better and that you will always feel like this but it’s not true and I know your brain is probably still saying it’s hopeless because I believed that when I was in the depths of it too. If I can do it I know you can! It will get better ❤️🩹
This has LITERALLY been me. Like you just put my exact thoughts into words. You are NOT alone. I honestly just have been using my fear of going back to the worst depression I’ve ever been in as an exposure. It all started around summer time last year, when my ocd kicked into overdrive and caused a depression so fierce I didn’t know if I’d ever make it out. It came over night like in a flash one day I was fine and then the next it was just, every single day I was mentally and physically exhausted. I couldn’t eat I only wanted to sleep and it was the most difficult time. But I came out on the other side. I got on anti depressant meds and I did therapy with a NOCD therapist for about six months. Now I just so ERP every other day or every day on my own. It does get better I promise you. You can do this. I’ve been where you have been. Today kind of was up and down for me but it is tolerable and no where compared to where I used to be. I still obsess over going back to that dark place. You are NOT alone.
I definitely understand! Does anyone else get so caught up trying to remember where the depression started and ocd ends? It’s a theme of mine that’s recently come back to kick my ass recently. Just know you’re not alone!
Your not alone!
This is me as well especially with these awful suicidal intrusive thoughts. At some point i just yelled at my brain to shut up and started saying im not suicidal over and over. Which didnt help at all haha obviously. You're not alone
You’re not alone. I dealt with and still deal with this theme sometimes. ERP was tough but it did help a lot.
I have this theme! All I can say is practice ERP. It has helped me tremendously to be able to just let them pass. ♥️ Remember, it’s the doubt disorder. It will throw you the bone, but you don’t have to take it.
I am really struggling with harm ocd. ( The fear of hurting others) My ocd is very tough to combat at the minute. I feel like i’m having intrusive thoughts every minute of every single day. Except from when Im distracted. I feel guilty and foul for the thoughts. I have this strong intrusive feeling that feels impulsive, as if i’m about to act on a thought. It almost feels like I want to. But I really don’t and i’m so scared this isn’t normal. I keep thinking. “What if this isn’t OCD” “What if i did that” and it’s really worrying me as it feels relentless and as if I’m about to do it. In my head chest wrists. I feel tired of this. I don’t know much about compulsions etc but i find myself - Asking my bf if he gets intrusive thoughts like me. Asking him if he actually does and asking repeatedly. - I ask him over and over again and check if he definitely does. - I will literally try to fight the thoughts by kind of saying “ as if i’m not that type of person” Then saying everything will be okay to myself. Please can someone tell me if this is normal. Yes I may be looking for reassurance but i need to know if it is, Im scared, i’m crying. Please tell me if you’ve had this feeling of as if you’re about to do it!
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
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