Can anyone relate?

I’m 25 years old. Never have been in a relationship with a female. When I think about it, it makes me very sad. I have an extremely low self esteem. It was brought to my attention by a couple of OCD specialists about the correlation between OCD and my fear of rejection. For example, if I get rejected, it would mean that that person is confirming that I am indeed worthless and should go kill myself, etc. This sick all or nothing thinking is probably a big reason why I haven’t been in a relationship. My therapist at the moment from NOCD is pushing me to interact with more women by initiating conversation but I am nervous about this. I keep telling myself I’m going to say something to someone but I always freeze up and make excuses.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey I can totally relate I have HOCD… I am 21 and I have never been in a relationship. I fear rejection completely from a man and my OCD is currently using that as a way to convince me that I am something that I don’t identify with. I have that black and white thinking and it has stopped me from forming relationships with men out of fear that they think I’m ugly or annoying etc.. I relate hard since being in a relationship with a man is something I’ve always wanted I get it

Username: Chase615Chase615

Date posted: 1y ago

Stay strong. There is somebody out there. Even if you make a friend that is not romantic that is still a win.

Username: BillyPilgrimBillyPilgrim

Date posted: 1y ago

Apologies. My first response was unnecessarily crass. I just mean that I am sure that you have valuable and admirable attributes.

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I understand, it’s such a struggle to deal with. Honestly, thinking about it is usually worse than being in the moment and actually doing it (at least for me). Don’t let OCD dictate what you can or cannot do. Take the leap of faith and try your best. That’s all that matters. You can do it.

Username: BillyPilgrimBillyPilgrim

Date posted: 1y ago

Not sure if it helps, but think of yourself rightly. Not too proud, not too low. I am sure that you have good and interesting qualities. When you talk to a lady, if she shuts you down or is rude, then that's on her for being a bitch.

Username: BillyPilgrimBillyPilgrim

Date posted: 1y ago

A golden rule of basic conversation is that people like usually like to talk about themselves, so ask them questions about them sometimes.

Username: NotSoNewb82NotSoNewb82

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m 41 and I’ve been single for nearly 20 years. At first I hated it, then I got used to it, then I started to like it. Women have been interested but I haven’t been brave enough because of OCD and past trauma. I’m speaking to my doctor on Tuesday and I hope to get a diagnosis. I’m already on the meds which are helping a lot. Now that my situation is a little different to how it has been for years I’m hoping I’ll progress.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey. I'm 21 years old and it's never really happened for me either. The closest I've had with that were flings online and one serious online one that I just messed up because I wasn't ready for it. It's debatable for me. I feel you on the low self esteem and with OCD, it's a really difficult combination that can make things more challenging. It's okay if you haven't been in a committed relationship before. There's plenty of us who haven't and that doesn't make us any less than others. Please don't be hard on yourself. Take things slow. Try not to place relationship statues as overall worth on who you are. Your thinking is distorted and it's not fair to you and others who have the same kind of thinking.

Username: hyzenthlay

Date posted: 5y ago

Feels a little weird to talk about this here, but here goes. I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship and I feel a lot of pressure to just get into one already, but i'm afraid to bc i don't think anyone would want me since i have ocd and the stigma against mental illness is so freaking terrible. I do catch feelings more often than I'd like to admit, but i usually let any oppurtunity to date someone slip by bc i feel like a nonentity and like they wouldn't /really/ be interested in me if they found out i have ocd.

Username: Rhys34

Date posted: 3y ago

Does anyone else with ocd feel like they’re gonna be alone forever? I’m 21 and have never had a girlfriend or even kissed anyone and it makes me feel like a loser. Every time I try to get close to a woman I’m interested in I always get friend zoned. I feel like I’m never going to find anyone and it sucks seeing all of my fiends in relationships and getting married, having kids and being happy. I feel like I’m gonna be the one that’s always left out.

Username: GermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

My Latest Obsession

So I feel like I’ve been making lots of progress with my OCD, but there’s one key obsession I just can’t let go of: The fear of being an incel (i.e. involuntarily celibate). Now, before anything else, I must say that I don’t hate women at all. If anything, most of my closest friends have been women. I also do admire women’s other gifts, not just beauty. I too have many “feminine” traits, or at least things that are typically associated with women like cooking, gardening, caring for others, and being open about my emotions. It all seems like I was a healthy blend of masculine and feminine traits, and that it was ok to not be a “Chad”. That is, until I came across the term “incel” My OCD really likes to make me believe I’m an incel, because quite frankly, I’m not exactly conventionally attractive. I’ve been on Tinder, only to be scammed, blackmailed, and rejected. No success there… so my OCD draws the conclusion, yeah you’re an incel. Even though I’m appalled and grossed out by incel forums, and I refuse to be labeled as an incel, OCD makes me think that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I should just give up on dating, because it just doesn’t seem worth the effort. And before anyone starts saying I should work on myself, I’m self aware enough to know what I’m weak at. I’ve lost a ton of weight, go to therapy, take time for self care, have now a job, have my own place, and otherwise doing ok for myself. Do anyone else out there get this too? Female “incel” comments are welcome too.

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