Decision making

Anyone else struggle with decision making? Not even for huge decisions, most of the time it’s stuff I feel like most people wouldn’t ruminate over so much. Especially with decisions that feel more permanent or decisions I feel will effect me for a long time. Context is I’m snap chatting a friend of my ex and I’ve realized it’s better for me to not snapchat him so that I have no ties to my ex like I’m scared my ex will come up in conversation and I don’t want to hear about him. But I’m trying to decide how to stop snapping him without being mean, so I’m trying to respond less and then soon I’ll just leave it on delivered. But then I fear what if he asked me a question/started a conversation and then I never read or read it months later? Leaving things “unfinished” triggers my anxiety, it’s hard to explain. And the irony is I left him on open months ago and didn’t think twice about it. I don’t know why this is making me anxious, it makes no sense. Also I feel like decision making ocd should be a subtype on here anyone else agree?

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

If I were you then the problem I would have would be concerned that the person is being insulted or hurt by me ignoring their message. What I think is that you either need to decide to cut ties or not. (You seem inclined to cut ties.) If you cut ties, then you either will do so without telling them. You seem to not like not telling them. I am not sure if that is actually THAT bad unless this person is a close friend or this person takes things personally or is sensitive. If the thing with your ex is common knowledge between you and this friend (and they know you are sensitive about this issue), then you might consider telling your friend in an ok way. If you want a compromise between these two, then you could ask them what they think about when people don't reply because they have personal issues or etc. (This is a stealth technique.) Then you can be asking without directly asking and later if you decide to not talk to them anymore then maybe they'll take a hint. However, one option that I recommend thinking about is just casually mentioning to your friend that you are rather made uncomfortable talking about your ex and if you both could not talk about him then that would be much appreciated. I think most people (especially friends worth having) would understand how you are feeling and will try to stay away from the topic, at least for some period of time. This way, if your friend does not bring up your ex then your ex won't get brought up so you don't need to worry about it. (You worrying about it is actually you bringing up your ex in your own self-dialogue.) A downside to this is that you are the one who brought up your ex so now might have brought up "an elephant in the room" that might be in your and your friend's minds when you talk. However, I think it is normal for you to be mildly anxious about your ex coming up and I think it is normal. Your decision probably would depend on you, on your friend, and the type of friendship you both have. I hope the best for your situation. Also, about the decision thing. I was just talking about how I also have problems deciding things if there is not a clear better option or a procedure for determining which I should choose. Just an arbitrary choice can be difficult when I don't know what the consequences will be. I guess it is important to be able to come to terms that no matter what you do, you tried your best based on what you knew and there is no way for anyone to know what will happen (or if something else was decided if something else bad would happen instead than whatever bad thing comes to mind). If you made the best decision (even if both seem similarly good) then there is not much more for you to do. You can ask for advice or support from friends / your Higher Power and also know that you tried your best which I think they will understand.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 22w

Rocd and Soocd

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt

bokang

Date posted: 17w

Is this OCD or just...me?

I'm really struggling to figure out where my OCD ends and where I begin. I’m scared of most things—not in a panicky way, but in a deep, cautious, worst-case-scenario kind of way. Example: I haaaaaaaaate my spectacles. I’d love to do Lasik, or even just wear contacts, but the idea terrifies me. I’ve heard about the tiniest risk of blindness or infection, and once that thought is in my head, it takes over. I picture the worst, and then I don’t act. TRIGGER Also Lasik involves cutting TRIGGER which petrifies me. I’m stuck between wanting change and being too afraid to make it. The same goes with wanting to travel but being scared I'll be trafficked or someone will plant something in my bag & I'll get arrested overseas. No amount of praying will fix it. Does anyone else feel like their OCD makes them freeze in everyday decisions? Like you can’t tell if you're just being practical or if it's the OCD gripping the steering wheel again? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's not OCD but my personality, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

Mid-life adults with OCD

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Need advice!!

Ok I need any and all advice 😭 please help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and feel deeply connected and happy and in love with him. My ex and I were first loves and on and off basically for 5 or so years until I met my current bf. During that time we both were toxic and back and forth and he did some things that were really hurtful. We never really had an “ending” or any actual closure to anything? I just kind of started talking to and liking my current boyfriend. I saw my ex a month ish ago at the bar and wasn’t very nice to him. I was like hyper aware of how I was behaving around him to make sure he didn’t get the wrong idea. I know he has had a really hard time moving on from me. Since then I feel like I have not been able to stop thinking about the past and am questioning a ton about my feelings. I do have ROCD, and I don’t know if this is solely because of that or a mix of that and the emotional loose ends? I don’t know. But I’m feeling such an urge to text him this whole paragraph I’ve drafted about closure, how I don’t even need him to respond, but I just need to get some things off my chest. I feel SO conflicted about sending it. I do not want to rekindle anything with him, but it’s just the principle of texting your ex that makes me feel like I am betraying my boyfriend now. Yet it feels like it’s weighing on me so much - and I’m like is ocd involved? I just don’t know if I should send the text or not. If anyone has been in similar situations or has any helpful advice I would really love and appreciate some because I feel so stuck.

Relationship OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Decision making

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community