anne.abby

Date posted: 2y

Is this a weird compulsion

I have suicide as a theme and along with that comes my fear of having depression. Sometimes I’ll be really struggling with anxiety or big emotions and I just want to go lay in bed, but I do not.: because in my mind that is what depressed people do and I don’t want to be depressed. Does this mean i should lay in my bed more? I’m really really struggling today. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Other than I haven’t gotten any sleep and my ocd tells me I’ll be like This forever and I’ll never get better.

NickSchtick

Date posted: 2y

Its both strange and comforting to read these accounts since I felt very similar today. I keep doubting what it is I have, whether my thoughts are tied to OCD/anxiety/depression and basically everything y’all just mentioned. Taking it one day at a time and praying we’ll all soon be on the better side of this

Jadedreams

Date posted: 2y

@NickSchtick Same here, though I do have depression along with ocd and anxiety. Definitely sketchy to have depression with suicidal ocd. It has made me question myself a lot. But I’m doing my best to trust myself and am determine to get better!

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Trigger warning! I don’t want you to scare because of this but I want you to know you aren’t alone. I do this as well because I also have suicidal ocd and have a fear of being depressed but sometimes all I can do is lay in bed. I also do not want to be depressed. I’m afraid it’s making me constantly apathetic. I’ve also had a terribleeeee day today. My ocd (trigger warning) telling me I’ll never get better, I’ll never enjoy anything ever again because what’s the point of everything (existential) which is quite literally not allowing me to enjoy anything because I’m so worried about it. Telling me that I’m having these thoughts because I believe they and I want to..not be around or whatever. It’s so believable because it’s taking my joy away from me but we will get better even if we have trouble believing it!

anne.abby

Date posted: 2y

@Peaches1127 I resonate a whole lot with what you wrote. I legit can’t quit crying

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@anne.abby felt that way today too. It’s okay!

anne.abby

Date posted: 2y

@Peaches1127 I have also been having trouble sleeping so that adds an extra level

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@anne.abby Ugh. Same! It’s like I want to sleep, but I don’t. I can sleep but I can’t. Hard to describe but it honestly doesn’t bother me too much most of the time.

anne.abby

Date posted: 2y

@Peaches1127 I have hyper arousal so every time I doze, my heart races And I wake up 😅🫠

Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@anne.abby ⚠️same I have an intense fear of dying in my sleep so my heart races or like leaps and I shoot up LMFAO it’s not funny but all of this is so ridiculous that sometimes I have to laugh at it

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

What helps me with similar things is repeating to myself "my thoughts are just thoughts" The thoughts you have don't necessarily have to 'mean' anything.

GiannaB21

Date posted: 1y

Omg I'm literally about to cry.... this is exactly my theme & exactly how I FEEL. I really thought it was just me ... 😢 How are you now ?

anne.abby

Date posted: 1y

@GiannaB21 Better. Much better. Still struggle. But so much better. I even deleted this app for awhile and I forget how much better I am until I read my old posts. I’m actually pregnant now

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd tips

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

justsomone1

Date posted: 12w

scared of being depressed.

I usually would say I’ve never been depressed , but recently in my life since my anxiety/ocd has been so bad and having relationship problems I’m feeling kinda sad / stressed. I keep getting scared of being depressed I keep having intrusive thoughts of “ you’d would be better off if you weren’t living” “ I don’t wanna live if it’s like this” and it’s just scaring me 😞

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Is this a weird compulsion

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