Help on Jealousy

I know this isn’t ocd related- or maybe it is, with how much I think about it. This will be a long story, but I truly need advice, so please read this story in its entirety. From elementary school I became best friends with my current best friend, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah has been my best friends for 20+ years now. All through our academic years she has been a lot more social than me, which I find admirable!! She has always been apart of big friend groups, which I was fine of staying out of. Up until senior year of high school she was with this one group of about 4 girls. For awhile I thought I was apart of this friend group, as Sarah introduced me and we all hung out from time to time. Then I realized they were all in several group chats that I was not apart of- which did hurt. But I never brought it up to her or any one of her friends. As senior year goes by, they added 2 more girls to the group (from other people from the group), and now they’re all inseparable. But…why wasn’t I? I tried (or at least I thought I did) to be apart of their friend group and I was never accepted. And now it’s been 3 or 4 years since high school and I’m still super jealous whenever they post pics together, or snaps about being together. When I have hung out with them in the past Sarah always texts me that they all loved seeing me and missed me, but I’m worried it’s out of pity. I want to get over this jealousy so bad…its been apart of me for YEARS now. And it’s like I don’t want to tell them, as I don’t want to lose any of them socially (I don’t talk to much people anyway). I just want to get rid of this nasty feeling anytime I see them talk about their friend group.

hellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this. Jealousy is an icky feeling to live with. Maybe it is related to ocd and in that case, next time they post a picture and you feel jealous, sit with the emotion and don’t act on it, just let it pass. Ask yourself hard questions like we learn in ERP, maybe they hangout with you out of pity or maybe they genuinely like hanging out and you’re overthinking it, maybe, maybe not! Try to sit in the uncomfort until the feeling goes away :) and continue living your life : )

crybaby

Date posted: 2y

@hellopeople Thank you so much, I’ll definitely be trying this!!

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@hellopeople Great advice from hellopeople. I listened to a podcast by Mark Freeman and he offered this suggestion: when we find ourselves stymied by an intrusive thought or feeling (jealousy) and we catch ourselves wanting to do something to get rid of the discomfort or uncertainty, such as rumination, flip that desire/urge to something of value you would like to build. When you find yourself wanting to ruminate over if their friendship is true or out of pity, flip that to perhaps building the habits that would make you be a great friend. Maybe notice a something about one of the friends you admire and compliment her. Work on being a good listener when you’re together. Ask questions show you care. I have been working on this “flipping” and it’s very helpful. All the best!

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