I have Religious OCD and it's absolute torture. I'm always worried that I'm not saved or that I'm a terrible Christian, or that God is disappointed in me. I feel guilty almost constantly, and the only way to find relief is by seeking reassurance, either through Christian articles online, or through talking to my pastor. I'm sure my pastor is annoyed with me by now because every few weeks, I call and text him, urgently asking him for help. And now that I've discovered what ROCD/scrupulousity is, it's gotten much worse. At first, I was relieved to know that I'm not the only one who suffers from this, but then I started to realize that I compulsively seek reassurance. So now I feel guilty every time I pray or read Christian articles or talk to someone about my problems, because I'm terrified that I might be compulsively seeking reassurance. So now I've become obsessed over the fear of engaging in my compulsions! I don't know what to do. I just want to have a normal, functioning Christian life. I just want to stop living in constant fear and guilt. I would never kill myself, but sometimes I feel like life isn't worth living and I secretly hope I'll die in my sleep so that I won't have to live like this anymore. I just want to go to Heaven to be with my Jesus, where He will "wipe away every tear from [my] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things [will] have passed away." I can't live like this anymore. Someone please help me.

I made a huge mistake in the past. Going into it I didn't know at the time how bad the mistake was until a long time later. I so badly wish I could go back and fix it and change it. I hate myself and I feel like I deserve to die. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that I need to just let it go and stop beating myself up and that I've punished myself enough but I can't seem to shake it off and move on. I'm a Christian so I do believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins but why do I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I would NEVER make the same mistake again knowing what I know now. Do I deserve a second chance? Is it possible that OCD can make it worse than it actually is? I need help 😭

I love my boyfriend so much. I am so afraid to get married though because of my OCD. A year ago I was fine and excited to eventually get married, but now it seems super nerve-wracking, and impossible, to me. I am a Christian and I have struggled with a lot of sexual sin in the past, before me and him started dating, but it eats me alive and I feel like if we do get married I have to confess all of it to him and that if I don’t I’m being dishonest and it’s horrifying. I know that nothing I ever struggled with was really that bad, I’m not going to get into that but he pretty much already knows the worst of it, but even when I have opened up to him I just feel like it’s not enough. My intrusive thoughts tell me that if I don’t tell him *everything* I’ve ever struggled with that I’m terrible, dishonest, a bad person, a hypocrite, a liar, that one day things will completely implode, that I’m destroying our relationship even though it’s completely healthy and he’s SO good to me, etc. I hate feeling this way. I want to marry this man, but it has become so terrifying to me. I feel like I absolutely do not deserve him and that I’m too awful and damaged for him. Me and him are long-distance and I’m even scared to meet him, to kiss him, etc. because I’m terrified of these fears coming up when I do. When I picture myself in 5-10 years being potentially married with kids, that thought in itself doesn’t give me anxiety, and in the grand scheme of things I can picture myself moving on from this anxiety, but at the same time in the present moment I feel like I’ll never move past this. I think this may be a form of ROCD and/or scrupulosity. I hate it I hate it I hate it. Does anybody else feel this way? Any other Christians who maybe relate?

I mainly struggle with real event and scrupulosity OCD. The things I've boiled it down to that I can't answer are these: - Not knowing what I deserve: this one comes from the infinite philosophies and methods of thinking people have, each different from one another. I know some people out there, even if not as much, will disaprove. Do I deserve to enjoy anything anymore? What pleasure do I still deserve out of life? What standards do I go by? The law? Atheists? Christians? Spiritualists? - Not knowing if I'm a "good person" - Is this guilt excessive or valid? - Is there any other amends I could make? - Did I know better? Was I disadvantaged and didn't really know better because of my age and/or mental illness/Asperger's? - Do I need to confess more? - What if someone brings up the event again later? What will happen? - What if my therapists so far were just extra nice? - What about that one person who said something really negative when you confessed that one time? My torment never ends. I don't want to die, because I have dreams, but I also don't want to live, because I have to deal with this every single day.