I have Religious OCD and it's absolute torture. I'm always worried that I'm not saved or that I'm a terrible Christian, or that God is disappointed in me. I feel guilty almost constantly, and the only way to find relief is by seeking reassurance, either through Christian articles online, or through talking to my pastor. I'm sure my pastor is annoyed with me by now because every few weeks, I call and text him, urgently asking him for help. And now that I've discovered what ROCD/scrupulousity is, it's gotten much worse. At first, I was relieved to know that I'm not the only one who suffers from this, but then I started to realize that I compulsively seek reassurance. So now I feel guilty every time I pray or read Christian articles or talk to someone about my problems, because I'm terrified that I might be compulsively seeking reassurance. So now I've become obsessed over the fear of engaging in my compulsions! I don't know what to do. I just want to have a normal, functioning Christian life. I just want to stop living in constant fear and guilt. I would never kill myself, but sometimes I feel like life isn't worth living and I secretly hope I'll die in my sleep so that I won't have to live like this anymore. I just want to go to Heaven to be with my Jesus, where He will "wipe away every tear from [my] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things [will] have passed away." I can't live like this anymore. Someone please help me.

I dont want this anymore. I can't do this every day, 24 hours a day. I even have nightmares of it. I feel bullied by my own mind. I am convinced it's a demonic spirit, or a stronghold. I am not sure. Whatever God is speaking to me I'm not getting it. I feel sick and depleted. I am afraid of loosing my teeth or something because of grinding so hard in my sleep. I gain weight even though I'm eating right and taking steps purely from stess; I never knew a person could be so stressed. My eyes are twitching, my skin is horrible, my thoughts never stop. I have intrusive thoughts of "giving my ..... to ". I'm not going to fill in the blanks because my mind won't let me. I dont understand what God wants and what He is saying to me. Does anyone else with Religious OCD experience the same thing? I bring this to Christ daily but I'm so so desperate and alone and scared. My whole body is in pain from stress, like it's clenched. I know Christ is in control, but dear God in Heaven just answer me already. Set me free. I'm turning 22 in a week. God just set me free.

My religious OCD is having a field day with Christianity. I grew up Catholic, although we were the type of family who only really went to church on holidays. It was just a knowing of our belief in Jesus, and trying to live morally good lives. Knowing that Jesus died for our sins. Then my OCD latched onto the idea of “willful sinning”, knowing something is a sin but doing it anyway. I am not a saint. I swear, I engage in sexual activity, I tell white lies occasionally, drink alcohol occasionally…. Much less than the typical person. I know these things are sins according to the bible. I feel like I do decently well and am a decently good person. But my OCD has decided that because I don’t 100% align with the teachings of the bible, I must be going to Hell. The worst part is I don’t even entirely feel guilty, which makes me feel like I’m just truly evil and want these things. No amount of reassurance feels like enough, it feels like unless God told me directly himself that I’ll never be able to let this go. I’m getting frustrated with religion, and with myself. It feels like no answer is right. You would think the fear would drive me into being a perfect person, but its not, and what OCD deems as “perfect” feels impossible to attain. What am I supposed to do? How can you feel peace with God, while you’re also supposed to fear Him? I feel like I’m not good enough for Him, and never will be.