@Matthew L. Hi, Matthew.
Origin: That's right You got it! 👏👍😄.
Meds: Ok. Now we are talking. I would appreciate it if you shared some more experiences with your meds. I know it's different for every person, but still. What were your experiences with Zoloft? Why did you change it? Are you happy with Clomiphramine?
And now: I have been told I will most probably be put on meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and meds for insuline resistence to prevent diabetes, since I have been diagnosed pre-diabetic ( I thing the last one is Metformine:Aglurab). How did you beat the lack of energy and motivation? With Seroquel? How did you find the motivation to start going to the gym?
I am a quite healthy eater. By default. But since on Zoloft I eat so much unhealthy food because I am down, tired, demotivated and don't see a way out. I have gained so much weight in 6 months. I hate myself this way. I went from size S-M to XL ( sometimes even XXL) in 6 months. Since I started with Zoloft. I hate it. I detest myself. I should be taking care of my health, well-being, and I wish to, but in all this time I have asked my psychiatrist and personal doctor for help again and again, didn't get any, except the prescription for Zoloft, so I just kind of gave up on me lgetting better ever. And since I can't do it on my own and my doctors don't help, I feel I am a lost cause and I gave up fighting. All the way from July last year till a month ago, I felt like a bully or a nut for constantly telling the doctors my troubles, but never getting an answer or if any, not a helpful one.
I don't know what to do. I see my psychiatrist 1x in a month or 1,5 months. In beetwen I just waste my life away, coping with problems and looking for reasons to keep going. I truly have no idea what was the point of me being born. Whatever I try to do for myself, life throws obstacles at me.
When I was completely down, wasn't in touch with anyone, stayed at home for months at a time, I was told to go out and find help. I did eventually. And since then, 11 months ago, I have been fighting and begging for medical help, for someone to fix my low iron, insulin resistance, PCOS, high blood pressure and cholesterol and anxiety and ocd, but I get no cooperation or help. My psychiatrist knows about my weight gain and skin problems (my facial skin was clear even through teenage years, now I am scared I will have scars), feeling low, tired,.. but she still won't do anything about it. We have talked about changing meds. She talks, but doesn't do anything.
I am just scared, that one day, I will get so tired of not getting the help they were supposed to give me or any other person with problems, that I will put an end to this so called life of mine. I do not want to. I want to live. I want to be happy, to be able to work. But I am not. What more can I do but to ask for help? I guess I am at the end of all roads. All I can do now is stay still and observe my life passing by.
Matthew, I wanted to say to you that you are a great son and brother, you love and care for your parents, you show your devotion by helping them, taking them where they need to go, getting their meds, bringing your brother home and back,... I am sure your parents love you so much and appreciate you and all you do and I bet they feel relieved and happy that they can financially help you. I know it feels bad on your part, but try to accept it as a sort of a blessing that was meant to be. You have to suffer with medical problems. And as a sort of an apology to you from your destiny you are lucky enough you do not need to worry about how you will survive and live as far as money goes.
I see you as a wonderful son, brother, person. And if you ever feel down and need someone to remind you of that, I will gladly tell you you are great.
Hugs 🤗.