I went through a hoe phase when I was 18 and I’ve never been tested for hepatitis because I’m too scared to. In a way I feel like it’d be better not to get tested because most people don’t get tested for that so if I had it and knew it would just cause too much emotional harm for what it’s worth. Then another part of me is like WELL MOST PEOPLE DON’T GET TESTED FOR IT BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND THE REASON THE DOCTORS DON’T INCLUDE IT IN AN STD PANEL IS BECAUSE MOST DOCTORS ARE STUPID, BE BETTER THAN THESE IDIOTS AND TEST FOR IT ALLLL, IT’S YOUR HEALTH YOU HAVE TO KNOWWWW!!!!!!! I also hooked up with an older woman right before I went celibate and now I have the EXACT same train of thought about getting tested for herpes again like’ “What is a 59 year old woman with a FAMILY doing hooking up with a 21 year old woman at a bar??? She must be trashy, you probably got something from her!!!! You just ruined your future sex life FOREVERRRR and the head was trash too, good going idiot!!! Now you’ll never be able to have sex with your future boyfriend or husband and IF you do you’ll always be valueless and replaceable and he’ll cheat on you!!!” Ok this whole confession is embarrassing AS SHIT and trashy as hell and I’m super embarrassed to be putting this here, I was young and dumb and a fucking idiot, I’m genuinely SO happy I’m celibate now

Huge tw I’m so scared I’m a r*pist people have told me I am. I wanted to lose my virginity when I was 19 I felt embarrassed and ashamed I hadn’t. I decided to get drunk and find someone in a club to lose it to. I don’t remember much other than I was happy it was finally happening and remember thinking my plan had worked. I was told by friends that the other person was drunk and possibly on drugs. I must be a r*pist as I knew what I was doing and instigated it, I took advantage and used someone. I feel sick and don’t deserve to move on I can’t even apologies as it was a complete stranger what if they’re living with trauma because of me.

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.