warning: sibling related stress, uncleanliness, new environment stress sooo my sister just moved in with me and she’s always been really messy since we were kids. i haven’t lived with her sense so this is the first time i knowingly have ocd while living with her and the messiness is eating me alive, not because of the stereotype that ocd folks are neat freaks but because cleaning is one of my most popular compulsions. she has the house in a constant messy state and it’s made it so difficult to avoid obsessions because i can’t compulse to make them go away- it’s too messy that i don’t even know where to begin. then it just causes more stress, which causes more obsessions and the cycle starts over again. any tips for me/ has anyone been in a similar experience?

Its the same with my boyfriend i would love some tips too

I only can say to you... I belive we can improve and not live in a total mess, but not in a perfect Heaven either

We are going to have to find the midle point with people like that... Avoid the extremes

Kianateix- Oh my gosh can I relate! Haha. I’ve mentioned several times in previous posts, but I live with my parents and sister. It has been very difficult for me these last 7 months. I went from living on my own in a 2500-sq ft loft in the city to having a single bedroom in my parent’s small 3-bdrm 2 1/2 bath home. My life and surroundings have changed drastically and I have reacted by over-compensating for the loss of control by obsessing and ritualizing. My sister is an addict (meth and heroin) and has struggled with cleanliness and common decency her whole life. Because of the drugs, she picks at her skin and has MRSA. I went on a bike ride yesterday, for example, and came home to take a shower. My mother, myself, and my sister share a small bathroom and I came home to hair in the drain, on the countertop, and on the floor. I also saw dried blood spots on the floor and in the tub and a used bandaid near the toilet. I did not take a shower. I told my mother about it and instead of asking my 31-year-old sister to clean up, she told me she would clean it up herself (enabling). I’ve somehow managed to contract MRSA twice since living here and I cannot help but think that it’s because of her lack of responsible hygiene practices. She belches, burps, farts, slurps and smacks her lips, steals my food, rarely cleans up after herself, and leaves cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. Living here has been like forced and extreme ERP because my father is very similar, minus the drugs. My mother is a borderline hoarder, but thankfully does a better job at keeping things clean and organized. So, yes, I can relate. I cannot tell her to clean up after herself because past experiences in doing so have not gone over well. She has a tendency to be violent, has hit my mother twice, so my parents have asked me to tell them when something is unclean because they don’t want me to call the police on her. They don’t realize that by cleaning up after her, they are only sending the message that she can continue to be a slob. My only silver lining is that I have my own room that I can escape to when it all becomes too overwhelming. I have an apartment viewing today in the morning, so I guess I feel more positive about the future of my living situation than I have in the past 7 months. I decided that the only way I could deal with the mess is by trying to not deal with it at all. Escaping, in other words. I cannot change my sister and her gross habits, but I can change how I react and respond. Learning to draw the line at acceptable but changeable messes to unacceptable and possibly dangerous messes is the trick. I shared a room with my sister from toddler to age 12 and consider my childhood to be a tumultuous one because of her behavior. Living with her at my age now (32) has only reminded me of how much I hate being around her. Our relationship has never and may never be good and I’m fine with that, but I know that I need to get out of this house soon for the benefit of my own mental health. I don’t know how old you are or if you are in a position to live alone or with someone you trust, but my advice is to separate. It might be the only way you can find sanity. Best of luck! (Sorry for the novel- lol!)

I'm 28 and lived with my Boyfriend since i was 20... I think leaving them its an extreme too... If It helps you... You and your sister have sometinng in common, that you both have an adictive personality.. you were a bit more lucky with a maybe managable ocd... Your sister end up with one of the worse drugs that there are... Probabely the best aproach Will be trying to help her because this will help you too... But we have to do It for them, not for us and our obsesions... We should be able of taking advantadge in this shituations and learn how to manage better the ocd and send our energy towards more profitable actions for everyone

Hi elenav. Thanks so much for your response. Because you do not know me or my family situation, I feel your comments are out of line. You’re right, we do have things in common, but an addictive personality is not one of them. We’re both bad with money, we both have low self esteem, and we both love diet soda. I have a disorder, she has an addiction that is killing her and this family. She has been given the opportunity of attending three different rehab facilities but has left all of them after two or three weeks. My parents have taken out a second mortgage to help pay for these rehab stays. She’s stolen thousands of dollars from their bank accounts and run up even higher legal and medical bills (DUI, assaults, abortions). They never press charges or let her stay in jail. She may not have burned the bridge with my parents yet, but she has for me. I don’t have to tolerate her continuous devious behavior and mistreatment. I will not enable her like my parents do. For me, she has had her chances and now it’s time to let her fall and learn her lessons the hard way. My sympathy for her is gone. I’ve given up. I have spent much of my life trying to help my family get her help, but all she’s done is steal from me and lie straight to my face. No more. I know you meant well with your comment, but I don’t think you should make suggestions on situations you know very little about. Thanks and enjoy your day.

I'm sorry to hear your family situation, in this case its fare more normal to go.. its not many more options than going somewhere else.. but in my case i have a mild ocd and my boyfriend is a mess but not at your sister level.. he's just a head less chicken and have a lack of organization and remembering staff. Also not very skilled cleaner.. and loves to Cook and make a mess every time.. you didn' t know my context either and suggest that leaving the place Will be the best in this kind of situations .. but every body has their own context and for me its fine to suggest in a guessing way i didn't get offended because i knew you also mean it in a good way. Otherwise.. i think we shouldn't put conditions as drog adiction, menthal illness, menthal disorders, eating disorders, etc. in a heirarchy of responsability or guiltiness of some kind... I mean, there is a lot of context going on and diferent situations that triggers this conditions to people... If you where in other words a White man economicly healthy.. you ll have less chances of getting any of those.. so definetly i Will leave your House knowing this context i Will try to convince my parents to cut their help because its clearly not working, and i Will continue givin help from a healthy distance... But trying to avoid puting the finger on her.. i mean, at the end its nobodys fault, she's probabely having a worse Life than yourself an hope to be doing something else.. and evendough you have the right and reason to be angry with her... Its not worthit or helpfull in this situation.. my mum an me left my granmas House because of my uncle drog adiction make him to be horrible and all of that.. was horrible! But you know.. hate doesent go anywhere...

Thanks, elenav. Just to clarify, I don’t hate her. I do hate the addiction and what it’s done to her mind and body. I also hate that the addictions have made her a thief and helped her remain a pathological liar. We’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, but it increased in severity after the addiction. Simply put, I will see her at family reunions and in passing at my parent’s house, but I don’t want her in my home or car. She has a track record and is currently using. I need to protect myself and worry about myself- not her. I am done doing that. She’s had chances. Time to move on. I wish her the best, but I don’t have much hope.

Thats fine, hate its a poison that eats you from the insides out, hope your find a House soon

Thank you. I move into my new apartment this weekend. And again, just for the record, I don’t hate her, I hate the addiction. It’s exhaustion and repeated acts of hurt and emotional trauma. It’s not a poison, it’s a way of coping. I implore you to see how judgmental you’re being to a person, subject, and situation you know little to nothing about. Until you can say you’ve lived with a sister or brother with severe dual diagnosis (substance abuse and BPD) issues, I really think you’re in no position to tell me that hate is a poison and that I should try harder. Okay- I’m done now. Feel free to respond, but I will no longer reply. Enjoy your night.

Sorry if you misunderstand me...or if i dont expline myself properly. I understood that you dont hate your sister in your message from before... i just said what i think about hate and what i think hate makes to people... You just said hate is not a poison, for you hating her adiction ( not her) its a way of coping... And thats fare enough! We just have a diferent opinion. I think its more helpfull trying to undersand more the problem, her adiction in this case or other symptoms from other issues but i woudn't take all the BPD symptoms that the DSM5 says as a guaranteed truth either! Every body its diferent nobody deserve to be tag with an esterotipe. I think ocd and drog adiction they are both enviormental and a bit genétic too. I wonder if you hate your ocd symptoms.. i dont they are a part of me i'm just trying to improve myself.. i can say i dont like this from myself but still me.. Finaly, i never said you didn't do enough or try enough harder... I said what i would do.. the rest is the interpretation that you give to mg words and i'm sorry you get ofended.. i didn mean to ofend you.. i ll be Happy if you just realize that before you sugested that i should leave my boyfriend with out knowing the context, i dind't got ofended but i'm not going to let you Carry on tellling me that i judge others with out info when you do the same, sorry but its kind of ironic. Also the fact that we have diferent opiniones about staff dosen mean anyone its losing the respect, i think you have a bit of a defensive problem, maybe only in social media, maybe i'm wrong but you know... I dont know what else to say, if you got offended im not sorry anymore because i said sorry enough to try to be polite but in reallity in my opinioooon its your problem, so good luck if you want to have a more easy going conversations and learn from this one! Cope vs improve, hate vs cope, they are just diferent ways of thinking if you dont see that.. then its not a conversations its a Battle, and since the begguining if the chat i notice your Battle style but you know...i never give up or surrender, thats not my style