Nauseous about past.

When I was really struggling with OCD at the beginning of it, I used to go on an anonymous website and just vent. Just vent it all out every time a scary event happened. Some people would say the most horrible things. Like truly sick. Some people were supportive and that’s what I was seeking, but I just remember how disturbing it was to be exposed to people who were the opposite. It only happened about twice before I stopped doing that bc I realized how weird people were. I was around 16/17 so idk I was naive and dumb in many ways, but venting on that site gave me an outlet for all the stress I was going through mentally. But some people just . I can’t believe what they would say in response. I’m so traumatized I wanna throw up. Idk why but I assumed that I would come across good people on that site. Like I was just too trusting and naive and didn’t know how to protect myself nor manage the risk of talking to people who are truly sick in the mf head. I wanna kms just from how sick it makes me to remember .

Username: whatever.whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

Atp it feels like I’m a ghost. Like I’m not even really here.

Username: whatever.whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m so tired.

Username: JesusSaves424JesusSaves424

Date posted: 1y ago

Please know you’re not alone. If you need to vent to somebody, I’m here. I understand how hard it can be and I know OCD likes to make you feel like the worst person ever but please know that you’re not. So many other people have experienced the same thing as you, even though it may feel isolating, you’ve got this! I will give an example of some of my intrusive thoughts so trigger warning for topics of cheating, assault, and trauma When my OCD was at its worst, I was convinced I was the absolute worst person I could imagine. I swore that because I could barely remember one night in particular, that I must have assaulted one of my friends at a sleepover. The thought of it made me sick and I spent hours every single day ruminating on it. Then when I was not thinking about that particular thing, I was thinking about how every little intrusive thought or small thing would make me think “did I cheat on my boyfriend??” I’d see an inappropriate scene in a movie and then worry I had just cheated, or I’d see something inappropriate online by mistake and then become sick because I was worried I cheated. I was also worried that I somehow traumatized my little brother, constantly ruminating and checking by googling different things (which only made me feel worse). All this to say, I’m sharing this so you know you’re not alone. Whatever your intrusive thoughts may be about, remember that intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic. You are not your OCD, you are not your thoughts, and you are not your past. You are so much more. I hope that this helps in some way, and please know I’m here if you need a friend. You’re so strong, keep fighting🤍

Username: makeupandchinchillasmakeupandchi...

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry. It is humiliating to have strangers judge you for your most sensitive feelings and thoughts. They don’t understand ocd. They don’t know the real you. The good person you are. They only see ocd thoughts and take it way out of context. It sounds to me like you just wanted to be assured that you weren’t a horrible person or weird in some way. This is human especially with ocd! Don’t beat yourself up over needing comfort. They are the weird ones, not you. I pray comfort and healing over your heart and just know that you are now safe from their words, their comments. They hold no truth nor do they define anything about who you are. Again I am so so sorry that you went through being mocked and torn down. It’s a hard learning experience how to deal with ocd but there are safe people to process with and that is this community! We care for you and You didn’t know that the other forum wasn’t safe so it’s not your fault. 💕💕💕

Username: nka

Date posted: 3y ago

so i need to vent here because i'm sick to the point of wanting to throw up. ill be talking about how my ocd started. I think my ocd is a little different as I've never seen anyone with that kind of intrusive thinking, so my ocd makes me think it's real. my intrusive thoughts are like "I wish something bad could happen to this person" and it's something really, really bad that I abhor. I just don't want it to happen to the person, it's totally automatic and makes me want to cry all the time. and it all started with a book I was reading and I didn't know it had things like pedophilia and rape. and as I'm underage these things can easily get stuck in my head, there was an explicit scene and it felt like my body was reacting to it, even I DON'T WANT TO and that made me feel really bad. I never had thoughts like that before reading that fucking book I regret so much. and then for me it's very hard to recover, because my ocd says something like i want it to happen, but definitely not. I can't access the erp because I'm not fluent in english and much less have money already converted to real is absurd. I'm afraid to go to therapy because there aren't many therapists who specialize in ocd here and I'm afraid it could get worse. I already talked about ocd with my mother but she didn't understand much, in fact I was fine and she said something that made my situation worse. so that's it, sorry for the big text, but I needed it.

Username: whatever.

Date posted: 1y ago

The Internet & OCD

Has anybody else been exposed to harmful content online? Like, as a child, being online I came across a lot of gross, graphic content. In middle school, I remember my best friend showing me a really messed up video and we would “laugh” at it because it was so “crazy”. I look back and realize we didn’t really fully grasp what we were watching. I’m so scared for gen alpha because when I was a kid online I was seeing a lot of messed up content on twitter and other apps and I didn’t have the tools to understand what was happening. Like not too long ago back in 2020 a man committed suicide on camera and I saw so many teenagers and children asking for the link to watch the video, and then people replying back to them “you don’t actually want to watch this, don’t be stupid” & etc. I’ve also seen a lot of people from my generation (gen z) talk about how they’ve seen gore amongst other things simply being a child on the internet. My unhealthy relationship to the internet has really traumatized me and it feeds into my OCD daily. I’m super over protective of any kids who are online and I make sure to set parental locks & stuff. I’ve been online since I was like 7 and I’ve seen way too much. People would post crazy shit & be laughing at it and stuff and now that I look back I realize none of that shit was normal but I was being exposed to it so much that it kind of became just a trending “internet spectacle” amongst teenagers specifically. I wish I was being protected as a child but a lot of kids have parents who don’t give af about them and I was one of them lmfaoo and I was just being exposed to hella harmful content and thought it was normal up until I reached like 16. A lot of people still act like it’s normal. Like I’ve seen a popular ig baddie post on her story that she goes on gore websites to watch real autopsy’s (and that’s not even the worst I’ve seen people talk about). It’s really scary and I think my generation (gen z) is the first to face this generational and cultural shift in the way that children are being raised because we were the first generation of children to have 24/7 access to the internet. Anybody else relate and does it also affect your OCD?

Username: whatever.

Date posted: 45w ago

Why was I so .. not it.

When I was 15/16, I would talk to random strangers online in chatrooms. I was really lonely, moved to a strange city, and the pandemic had started during this time too. I thought it was funny to just mess around with people. But then it got weird. I would talk to people, tell them my name. I trusted some of them. It’s so embarrassing. I look back and realize a lot of those people were genuinely weirdos and idk why I was so gullible but. It all plays into my OCD. I keep thinking what if I talked to those people because I’m like them/will become like them. Why was I so stupid? What if I really wasn’t gullible and I knew better even though I know that I genuinely was sheltered and dumb asf because I was 15/16 and knew nothing about life?

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Nauseous about past.

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