I think this is the hardest theme I’ve dealt with, it feels so real & the thoughts/sensations are so strong. The thought that really stumps me is when my OCD tells me that I don’t want to live anymore & that I don’t like the life that I have & it’s fueled by a ton of anxiety. If you’ve went through this & got through it please tell me how, I feel like I have to react to my thoughts or something bad will happen.
I can fully empathize with you, as I went through some very difficult periods with this type of OCD. It got so bad that I stopped making plans for the future; not because I had actual plans to end my life, but because I just assumed that it was going to happen sooner or later. You've already acknowledged that this is an OCD issue, which I think is a fantastic step towards recovery. I didn't know my thoughts were fueled by OCD, because at the time, all the therapists I saw just assumed it was general anxiety. I think that if I knew about techniques like ERP, my recovery would have been much faster. So honestly that would be my first piece of advice: if you aren't already, consider practicing ERP with an OCD specialist. The techniques and methods that helped me get through the worst of my obsessions are actually pretty close to the methodologies of ERP, even if I didn't know it at the time. With that said, if I could boil down everything I learned into one sentence, it would be: "RESISTANCE is the problem." Thoughts are thoughts, and nothing more. They arise without our consent or control. The more you try to resist or get rid of them, the stronger they will return. Have you ever played tug-of-war with a dog? Did you ever notice how the harder you tug at the toy, the harder the dog digs its paws into the ground and pulls back? And did you ever notice how when you stop tugging, the dog loses interest? The same goes for our thoughts. The more we tend to unwanted thoughts, the stronger they come back. You're training the brain to treat those thoughts as important. So when thoughts about ending your life, or about how much you dislike your life arise, welcome them. Allow them to come, and allow them to go. Like passing clouds in the sky, or leaves floating down a stream. If you haven't already, start studying mindfulness, and maybe meditation if that interests you. Those have done wonders for me. I hope you find these words helpful.
@djflorio you’re amazing thank you!
This is the type of OCD I dealt with in my teenage years (I’m now 24 and fully recovered). To me it seems the scariest of all, because it gets so hard to differentiate the fear of taking your life from the desire to. I hope you’ll try to remember that BECAUSE this thought causes you such fear and anxiety, it indicates that you are the LEAST likely person to follow through on such a thought. There’s a very compelling book called “You Are Not Your Brain” that really helped kick-start my recovery process from this exact sort of intrusive thought loop. That, along with CBT from a saint of a therapist (I admit I got lucky with her, this mental illness was much less understood when I was 13 and she recognized it in me nonetheless), and intensive research into neuroplasticity, which you can actually find in the book I recommended too. I hope you find peace soon, but remember recovery is a process and you will get there eventually. Much love.
That’s amazing. And so encouraging you have no idea..I’ll look at both your alls post whenever I start to slip, not as a compulsion but just as a reminder lol
@Kids4Christ I just noticed your username. I don’t like to impose religion on anyone, but I do credit Jesus with saving me and to this day I continue to thank him for how he brought me into full recovery. He has a plan for you full of love and joy ❤️❤️❤️
I have this theme and have for about 2 months. Still not through it yet but I’m starting ERP next week :). I won’t lie, I’ve been having the worst 6 days for the last week. The worst I’ve had. Apparently this is normal when you resist compulsions.
Same here..he’s changed my life..it has been hard over the past year in a half but he’s pulled me through every second
Hey everyone. I have been struggling with this theme this week. I had a panic attack at the beginning of the week and I got hit with a bunch of suicide intrusive thoughts. That is the last thing on earth I want to do and it hurts me because my mind makes me believe I want to. I get in a really sad dark alone place and sometimes I think about it but also I feel like it is intrusive because I have told myself no matter how bad it gets, no matter how shitty it feels I will not do anything to take my own life. It brings me so much sadness and guilt when I think about those kinds of things. It’s been hard because I have been trying to mindfully redirect and stay in the present moment but the thoughts come back and it makes it so hard to move on or when I’m in a happy moment that feels good my intrusive thoughts just come flooding back. I have tried to accept that those thoughts are there and I need to do things towards my goals and values but it’s been so difficult to accept this feeling and notice those thoughts when they are so against everything I love and it’s so hard when it’s one of my biggest fears. I cry and cry because I’m just so scared of those thoughts and it makes me think I actually want to do it. Anyway has anyone else experienced this? I feel so guilty and sometimes get thoughts that this feeling will never go away even thought I know for a fact I can get past it. Any advice? Or does anyone relate?
2 months ago I fell into existential OCD that left me questioning the meaning of life and if anything was or wasn't real. Became depressed from the thought and eventually through acceptance if never knowing the unknown, I was back to having better days. Well, one day I found myself ruminating about the existential OCD again and had the random thought "Do you think you can keep living like this"? The thought Terrified me. I had been through alot of pain and loss and things but through it all I had never questioned if I could continue living. Since then I've been confused and anxious and tired. I don't know if it's suicidal ideation or suicidal themed OCD. I avoid songs with the word suicide, I stopped watching horror movies and stopped enjoying other things like Ghost Pokémon because they made me think of death and kind of triggered anxiety in me. Sometimes the thoughts feel so real that I'm not sure if it's something I actually want to do or if it's OCD. I've turned to trying to find spirituality and religion to tell myself if I kill myself their may be consequences in an afterlife. Im constantly googling things like "How to make suicidal thoughts go away" and reassuring myself that I wouldn't do it. It still feels real sometimes and it's horrifying. Is there a difference between being genuinely suicidal and suicidal ocd themed?
Suicidal OCD people can you please share your experiences with these theme? I’ve had it before and now it’s back and feels worse than before. It’s making me feel like it’s not OCD and that something could actually happen. I would appreciate any shared experiences with this so I don’t feel so alone. Thank you all in advance
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