I post again cause idk who to talk

I watch alot of videos about ocd, someone here recommended to watch Mark Dejesus, it helped me, but when he said many ocd sufferers have depression behind their ocd, i got triggered, cause depression is my fear. I fear depression cause i have dark thoughts and im afraid of suicide. So i did what he said, stopped doing compulsions and he said then the depression will get to the surface and i had a feeling that im not good enough. Then i started analyzing it, is this true or this is just ocd again, i know i had this feeling of im not good enough but this is the reason i have ocd or i have this thought cause of ocd... one part of me says i should discover this,this is the answer cause im afraid of depression and ive been avoinding it with ocd, and the other part says this is still ocd but what if not?... idk if im depressed or not, if that is underneath ocd or im just depressed cause ocd is mentally tiring...

brookiec143

Date posted: 2y

In truth, I believe this anxiety CAUSES depression. There’s nothing happy about the intrusive thought circling about, saying “what if you wanna hurt yourself? What if you kill yourself tonight? What if you just ended everything now?”. It’s a recipe for the worst of emotions. But those emotions are only symptomatic of the OCD you’re experiencing. I went through the exact same thing. I found a bottle of my mothers medication when I was thirteen and made the mistake of googling what it was for. Depression. “My mothers depressed?? Isn’t depression hereditary in some sense? Does this mean I’m depressed? Don’t depressed people end their own lives? Am I doomed?” Such began a years-long trial of battling intense intrusive thoughts and near-hallucinogenic depictions of how I might die and how my family would feel. It was hellish. And yet, years later, I am a healthy, happy, fully-functioning adult — and while my life is still far from perfect, those intrusive thoughts which once dictated every minute of my life don’t take up a single second of it now. It took hard work, I admit. Lots of therapy, some trial and error with medication (which I have been off of for over a year now and maintained the same success, I treat medication as a tool during recovery that you can wean off of once your mind is strong enough), and a profound book which was recommended to me which I’ll recommend to you now, called “You Are Not Your Brain”. I’m skeptical of self help books on principle, but seeing my thought patterns laid out in the form of graphs and testimonies and research data really solidified to me that what I was going through wasn’t insanity, but a negative thought-loop which could be mapped scientifically and therefore cured through neuroplasticity. It does take time, it won’t be instant. But if you can use every tool you can find and keep an open mind to ALL treatment options — even the ones you seem sure won’t work — you can navigate the path towards full healing. Trust me, I was extremely ill. My late childhood was made hell by these thoughts. But if I came out the other side, in a time when this subset of OCD was MUCH less researched and understood, then you can and will too. I love you, and please take care.

Ghost333

Date posted: 2y

https://www.ocduk.org/related-disorders/depression/ Hopefully this helps, but I want you to know even if you do have depression that doesn't mean suicide has to be in the picture. Talk with your therapist if you have one and discuss it more with them so they can provide you the correct answers and steps to helping you. Just know, you aren't alone, and you will prevail past this.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Reading this i think IF i have depression i have the first one where its a reaction to ocd. But the only symptoms i have right now is feeling tired of fighting with this, feeling sad and angry and having negative self thoughts like i will never recover... idk if this counts as that but my mind will make every low feeling emotion depression...

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

And to answer to your therapist sentence, one of the reasons i feel little bit depressed cause i feel let down by people, even my therapist cause she said to me unhelpful things, made me feel even worse so i stopped going there and i feel like noone can help, i need to try alone cause everyone will mislead me... even people who helped before now call mr selfish cause i still ask for help...i rather do it alone then...

Ghost333

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 - I feel you there, but in these cases i would suggest (these are just my opinions/input) searching around for a therapist or even look at one through this site. Sometimes, as ANNOYING as it is, you have to go through different therapist to find the right one. Besides the person im about to see currently, when i was younger i had to go through 4 maybe 5 different therapists until one clicked. Not everyone will work for you, even if theyre all licensed therapist because its so much more than that, its also who THEY are. Don't lose hope, if you do it alone that's okay your completely your choice, but it does feel harder alone.

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 I highly recommend getting a different therapist. I had one who didn’t specialize in ocd though she did erp and sometimes she made me worse. My next person was a much better match for what I needed. Nocd might be a good start because there are a lot of choices and you can check profile for someone with the approach you need. Some people do well with someone who is direct and pushes hard, others need compassion and gentle direction. It’s not selfish to want help.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@Ghost333 One thing i forgot to say. I dont do compulsions like thinking about my thoughts, trying to change them or figure it out but i feel horrible cause i still judge myself and feel shame and hate for myself. So just cutting out compulsion doesnt help cause i still talk negative to myself. Is this still ocd?

Erin P

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 It may or may not be - a good erp therapist could help you determine if it’s ocd or if you need a different type of treatment. I know for example that Rogers Behavioral has IOP for ocd and for depression and people can be in either program.

PRIV8

Date posted: 25w

Questioning my faith or ocd

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

baukje

Date posted: 21w

Tips for meta-ocd

I am having a real hard time with meta-ocd and thoughts about feeling depressed and be like this forever. Or the thought I never feel normal again or never feel connected to normal life things and normal people. The intrusive thoughts are here like the whole day and they are all about my mental health. And I obsess about how I feel and what I feel with everything I do. It’s so hard to explain. If someone- a therapist or someone who dealt with this has tips or word of encouragement right now, that would me great. I feel like everything I want to learn myself about ocd and coming to this forum also is a bit compulsive. It is so confusing 🫤

blehh

Date posted: 21w

Advice?

I’m trying so hard to feel normal again but i cant i keep feeling like im being dramatic and that my symptoms aren’t real and im tricking everyone, even on here i feel like im tricking you all into believing i have OCD when i don’t. Plus all these other types thoughts im having all meshing together its so overwhelming and i dont know what to do. My therapist appointment isnt until next week and idek what shes gonna tell me or if she’ll even think i have OCD. i keep thinking about my other posts on here and wondering if i even meant what i said in them. this is the worst ive ever felt i think i might even be going through depersonalization or derealization but im not even sure about that i dont even know anything about what im really going through cause ive never been given any kind of formal diagnosis its only ever been depression and social anxiety but ive always had a feeling it was more but i keep doubting myself. maybe if anyone wants to look at some of my other posts and tell me what u think in general? or would that be reassurance seeking? i feel like most of my posts might be but im not sure.. IM NOT SURE ABOUT ANYTHING! this is so annoying

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I post again cause idk who to talk

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