I need help (social anxiety and low self esteem)

I definitely feel like I have a rare form of OCD. I am so uncomfortable talking about it , but I feel like I should get it out , I need to get it out . My compulsions are avoiding looking at people , eating food . Not wanting to cook, not wanting to go out, not wanting to be alone with people. But I obviously still do these things. But best believe I don’t want to ... I don’t know what to think anymore , like it feels like when I look myself in the eyes I don’t recognize myself ... I don’t find ANYTHING interesting anymore. Because literally everything that I do I still have thoughts ... i feel like I have a serious case , and when I think about death for me , it makes me feel like I’ll be set free from this mental distress. But I don’t want to die , I want to enjoy my life. But I don’t and feel like I can’t enjoy my life feeling like I’m going to attack someone all the time . Feeling like I’ll lose my mind all the time . I hate this for my bf and my family and my kids , they don’t deserve this . Feeling like I don’t love ANYONE, not even myself , not even my baby in my stomach. I can’t think see my future anymore ... like I used to be able to , I wanted my job , and I wanted to be this healthy amazing mother and wife one day but now I just don’t see it anymore , and then in my head it tells me is it because I want to kill people and or animals? And eat them? Please no judging , so yes I said eat them.. it feels sick to me. I had not been wanting to eat , and my head was telling me it’s because I want to eat people . Wow it sounds so weird typing that . There is soooo much more to my weird thoughts , like I was feeling like I had been doing okay not to long ago , and then it came back to me felt wayyyy stronger.. I know this sounds so ignorant but my sister had told me that she had ate her poop before , and tasted her pee, and now I am thinking I will try poop ... i hate seeing poop because I think I will just pick it up and eat it. I wish I could write this alllll out but it’s to much . I do wanna say one thing that has been bothering me a lot. When people are having problems it’s like I don’t care and I just think kill them , I don’t like when people talk about other people because I had this thought that if you don’t like someone and they are causing you problems then you wanna hurt them . I’m scared of my thoughts and I’m scared I’ll blurt out my thoughts ... please no one feel sorry for me . I hate that , I hate feeling sorry for myself . I want to talk to someone about ALL my problems . I need a Therapy but absolutely terrified:(

This isn't relating to my OCD and i know I should probably been seeking help from a different app but idk any other apps where you can write comments abt how you feel so this is the only place I know that people can write back and give advice on so sorry for not talking about something that is OCD related. This is going to be very lengthy though! So basically i have been seeking help from a psychologist but she hasn't been helping me at all and I'm thinking of changing and I feel bad, even though I shouldn't but i also most likely suffer from social anxiety. I hate self diagnosing and I've been having phone sessions with my psychologist but it hasn't been as interactive as it could be. Basically, she told me that I do have anxiety but I always feel like I can't label it as social anxiety unless I properly get diagnosed by a psychiatrist. She told me that it sounds like generalised anxiety in different situations but I only feel extremely anxious in social situations and relate more to the symptoms of social anxiety then generalised anxiety but it has been really tough at school because i get mild panic attacks often. Triggers for me include, going to parade(I often experience physical symptoms, such as: heart palpitations, nausea, hot flashes and just feelings of panic) so I usually skip. Also things like volunteering or speaking in class 🤢, doing things while others watch or observe me(eating infront of classmates that I'm not close with etc), getting to class where there's alot of people, confirming I'm here for attendance(especially when my teachers are away), getting called on etc. I feel so anxious and i wish anxiety wasn't a thing but I have amazing friends who support me. I couldn't even go to school today because two of my teachers said they were going to be away and i spent yesterday panicking for today because I feel extremely anxious when it comes to saying "here" on the attendance roll because I am self conscious of my voice and I think everyone will judge me. My psychologist just recommended me breathing exercises. Any one got any other tips?? I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my rant, sorry. I wish everyone on this app will get the treatment they need to feel better asap !!

does anyone here suffer from both ocd and social anxiety? my ocd has been getting worse and i’ve recently realized that i also have social anxiety in new groups of people. my anxiety is so intense it drives me crazy. i wasn’t always like this. when i was a kid i used to be very confident and had a lot of friends. i always subconsciously shame myself for feeling this way and even though my ocd just let go of the last theme it had, my social anxiety has been making me even more miserable. social anxiety just seems to be such a loser disorder like «ooh i’m insecure and anxious and i’m afraid people will judge me» it makes me hate myself and i haven’t felt this way in a long time