- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Dear Jazzz - You are not your past and you are not your life choices, you are not your abuse and you are not your mistakes nor your triumphs. You deserve love and happiness just like anybody else in this world. You have only one human being that you are responsible for - YOURSELF. Fight for you, you are worth it.
- Date posted
- 6y
@fernando thank you for your comment ❤️?? I constantly google things like “my girlfriend was a sugar baby” or something like that and comments from men always say they wouldn’t date such a girl. Even though I just tried it for a second I still put myself on the same level as women who have done it for years. My ex still talks to me as a friend and everything is out in the open but just the fact that I was rejected in such a way makes me feel so worthless inside. The things he put me through matches up with the signs of narcissistic abuse. It even got to the point he was threatening to leave me in the apartment without food and water and I had to fake a suicide balcony scene for him to stay. My family used to be rich but we got dirt poor recently and they were unable to support me in my time of need. I was supposed to go back to Dubai to my boyfriend and keep looking for work after being laid off but now I’m back in New York and struggling so much and feeling worthless and heartbroken. No money to go back on meds or seek therapy. I’m so lost.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi, I'm sending love and support to you. I also want to say to you that there is a lot of good in humanity, and you will find it if you seek it out. Therapists and doctors have lower costs / free services for people in need. See if you can find one. Finding a job is hard. It might take a year or two. Keep trying. If you have a vehicle, consider doing Uber or Lyft. Even if you don't have a vehicle, I know some Uber drivers use rented vehicles but still make money. Finally, I hope you can find friends. Go looking, you will find many.
- Date posted
- 6y
Best of luck jazz , I’m in Connecticut and can deff relate to how tough things can be in the northeast here with the expenses and winters an all And from what you went through you are a very strong person and I give you lots of credit There are always others out there and I’m here for ya too :) wishing the best Here for ya
- Date posted
- 6y
I hate to see this you are something you are awesome cool and beautiful just be yourself and hope will come eventually...?????
- Date posted
- 6y
Since your past does not determine who you are you are not bound to confess about anything. When you truly love someone you love them regardless of where they've been.
- Date posted
- 6y
My ocd makes me fear the worst case scenario and I always think my past will come to haunt me or there are sexual videos of me somewhere. It’s a horrible feeling and it makes me unable to move on happily and have hope in my life.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you everyone! ❤️ I wrote this post last night when I was drowning in a bottle of wine. It’s like all positive energy within me is gone and any little thing sets me off. I’m supposed to be successful after earning a college degree from a prestigious university and I have a great resume and job history so perhaps this setback working part time jobs is amplifying my feelings. Job or not though I’m trying to find ways to work on my self esteem. I often confess to my mom for my ocd reassurance. She tells me to never tell a man about my past. I have such a pure heart I feel like I shouldn’t hide certain things from a significant other but I also fear rejection. I think I held onto my abusive relationship for so long because of this fear.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w
I'm currently at one of the lowest points with my OCD despite me working so hard on it and everything that I know it stems from because a lot of my OCD comes from trauma from sexual abuse as a kid and as I got older and a lot of other stuff which is also why I have Complex PTSD. I was doing so well, I started medication, and I was in this dual housing program for treatment and everything was going okay. That was until I ended up getting SA’D by a man there and none of the staff cared or did anything despite me doing everything possible and gathering all of this evidence and all the people there either didn't care or bullied me relentlessly as they laughed with my abuser. It was so painful and I felt so alone. I think what triggered my spiral was that it was very similar to the reactions of my past assaults and thus my OCD came spiralling alongside my C-PTSD symptoms and I feel like it is worse then before. I left that place but its still absolutely terrible and I feel so hopeless and hurt. Not only did this man hurt me like I have been in the past he brought back the very thing that caused me so many years of suffering. It makes me sick. I don't want to think these thoughts or feel these horrible urges and sensations. I feel so disgusting and broken.
- Date posted
- 10w
Please be gentle. (Diagnosed OCD and highly suspected BPD) I lost my grandmother, someone I was very close to a month ago. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, his health is declining rapidly. My grandfather speaks of committing because of the loss of his wife. My job has become completely mentally and physically exhausting. And a close friend blocked me for unknown reasons And I’ve been coping in unhealthy ways. I stupidly weened myself off of my meds after 3 consecutive years of taking meds. I wanted to ‘feel’ again. I am an individual with very strong morals. I’d never usually do things I don’t agree with. For example sending explicit images. Something I’ve never done and said I’d never do. However i recently did it. I’m completely disgusted in myself. I never did it for pleasure, I did it because I liked the positive comments in return. I didn’t show my face in the images, but my tattoos were there, and we exchanged selfies previously. I used a fake name. I panicked and deleted everything after a few days. Blocked him. But I’m terrified he’ll spread them, or they’ll somehow lead back to me. (We are both adults btw) I’m completely disgusted, paranoid and ashamed at what I’ve done. There’s no excuse why, but I can’t forget it, I’m terrified they’ll come back to me somehow. It’s something I’ll never. Ever. Do again. I have no idea how to cope with all of this.
- Date posted
- 9w
I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond