I feel like everyone is recovering so much quicker than me which is making me lose hope of ever beating this horrific disorder š¢ I just feel like my life is ruined and itās going to keep destroying every good thing in my life
Iām guessing whatās happened is youāve worked on the themes that were affecting you in therapy, but now ocd has moved to the thing you currently really care about, which is your recovery. Just treat it the same way you did with any other theme, embrace the uncertainty, maybe you will, maybe you wonāt recover, maybe it will destroy everything, maybe not. I personally like to answer back to ocd with with what I call āteenagers apathyā. When the thoughts come I answer back with something like āyea whatever, not botheredā
@Mowgli Youāve pretty much hit the nail on the head. I find it sooooo hard to accept the uncertainty that I may feel like this forever, it feels like the stakes are too high! And a lot of the time Iām ruminating without even realising which is so tough to stop š¢
āThe stakes are too highā that right there is how ocd is hooking you in. Ocd has only one trick, itās pretty convincing, but it is the same trick over and over. And the way out of it is the same also. Honestly, if you could watch me throughout the day talking back to it, you would think I was pretending to be a stroppy teenager
@Mowgli I just feel like itāll always hook me in, fed up of it. Itās the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before bed
@Ellsx I could be wrong, but it seems like you want to reach a place where you donāt have the intrusive thoughts at all, which is unachievable. Theyāre always gonna come to a greater or lesser degree, but how you react can change. If youāre getting frustrated with them coming, itās gonna make them stronger
@Ellsx I got really triggered in the meeting last night, it did my head in
@Mowgli Yeah I guess youāre right, it just feels like itās all I think about all day I donāt think about anything else even though I know thatās not true. AHHH Iām just so frustrated I know ššš hopefully come Friday Iāll be by a swimming pool with a cocktail and things wont seem so bad
@Mowgli Oh no, I hope it wasnāt me Iām sorry if it was! I get triggered sometimes in them and come away like well that made me worse š but being triggered is part of recovery
@Ellsx If you are expecting a life without them, that could be your stumbling block, like maybe your expectations maybe causing you to feel more unwell, hope that makes sense
@Ellsx No it wasnāt you at all. Someone made a few negative remarks about āimmigrantsā and said a certain part of their country was being sent too many. Which is fine they have their own point of view, but they didnāt need to say it, itās not the place, has nothing to do with ocd. And I feel the facilitator should have said so. I feel that if a male would have said something of the same weight negatively about females, it wouldāve got flagged, and rightly so
@Ellsx Swimming pool and cocktail sounds amazing, I keep thinking of watermelon margaritas since the hot weatherās arrived, I may have to make some this evening
@Mowgli Do you know what I did think this when I heard it. I was a bit like š³
@Mowgli Absolutely you should make some margaritas!!! & also you are probably right about the thoughtsā¦ Iām feeling alright today just letting them be there so far
@Ellsx Yup, she couldāve said what she wanted to say without mentioning her political point of view. But itās more that the facilitator didnāt say anything that freaked me out, it made me feel unsafe, and made me doubt that I should be offended, Iām trying not to ruminate over it š¤
@Ellsx Yes it would be a crime not to make them today, I will make some for the good of mankind š. The stroppy teenager approach to talking back to intrusive thoughts really helps me
@Ellsx And, the crazy thing is, theyāre pretty much all immigrants over there, unless youāre Native American
@Ellsx I feel like I should say something, what Iām gonna say and to whom, that I donāt know
@Mowgli There must be somebody you could email I wouldāve thought. Are you doing therapy through here? Maybe message your therapist and ask for an email address
@Ellsx I have done therapy through here, Iām still in contact with the therapist, I will message them and ask what they think
@Ellsx This is my toughest area, where trauma and ocd overlap, I get full of doubt that Iām allowed to be upset, and doubt it even happened. Makes me feel very unsafe. Last night I thought even the facilitator had the same views because nothing was said, and that I wasnāt welcome there, I couldnt speak in the meeting because of it
@Mowgli Yeah definitely ask, I had a problem with the payments a while back and my therapist just pointed me in the right direction with an email
@Mowgli I noticed you was very quiet yesterday !! Well done for sticking it out though and staying until the end
@Ellsx Iāve messaged the therapist I had, but havenāt heard back yet. Yes that stuff does put me in a bit of shock, and I go silent. then it takes a while for the anger to come. Then if defo takes a while to leave again, and Iām not so silent, haha
@Ellsx I got a reply, which was good š
@Mowgli Good Iām glad! I hope you can get some answers
@Ellsx Thank you, Iāll let you know how it goes
@Ellsx She was defo off key in what she said right?
@Mowgli Did you get anywhere with it in the end?
@Ellsx Not yet, havenāt heard anything, the therapist said she will pass it on to supervisors. Feel a bit weird about doing the meeting now
@Ellsx You know how it goesā¦. Now Iām doubting myself, like Iāve done something wrongā¦.. bloody headš¤
@Mowgli Your feelings are valid and if something has upset/annoyed you, youāre perfectly entitled to feel that way!
@Ellsx Thank you, it was defo a bit strange right?
@Mowgli How are you?? Havenāt caught up in a while
@Ellsx Hiya, things going ok, thanks for asking, had an assessment today for therapy in uk, the therapist works under a woman called Naomi fineberg, sheās one of leading peps in ocd, so feeling optimistic. Drove past Northampton last Saturday on route to derby, see some friends hadnāt seen in ages (due to ocd) so bit of erp there, thought of you on motorway passing. Howās things with you ?
@Mowgli Wow that sounds amazing!! I wish I could get something like that, the treatment options in my area are awful. Im glad youāre doing ok! Im alright, still the same really not seeing much progress but trying to carry on with it ā¦ Iām glad youāre starting to do more now
@Ellsx Hey, yes Iām lucky to live in this area regarding ocd, the uni near me seems to be a popular place for ocd research, so thereās a lot of peps that give ocd therapy here. Light at the end of a very dark tunnel for me, Iāve lived with this untreated for so long. I think itās the way it goes regarding seeing progress, I think over the years youāll see clearer progress. At least weāre both on the right track. It was very uncomfortable seeing lots of people, so a good thing I guess, trying not to ruminate and go over all the convos that my ocd has recorded in fine detail š
Comparing yourself to others is a compulsion. Try to resist
@Grabby Ahh I never knew that! Something Iāll definitely try to stop from now on
How ru now?
@Dreamydream Me, or the other person?
@Mowgli Anyone! How ru now?
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
I know everything im dealing with is OCD. I have accepted that, but I just feel down. I donāt want to live the rest of my life like this. I just want to be free from this horrible illness. Any positive stories and recovery journeys will help. What did recovery look like for you? I used to be so happy, I miss it so much. This feels like itās taken everything from me. How do you just live your life despite how you feel? Any hope will help!
I feel like Iāve lost who I am , even since my depression and ocd started. I donāt even know what I like anymore:(( I doubt everything I think and itās so draining because I just want to feel like my old self againš I feel like I have no motivation to get better which is bothering me so much because I want too but something is holding me back from doing what I need to do :/ with all my thoughts and doubts , I feel like I canāt trust myself . I donāt know if Iām the only one that feels this much pain
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