Does anybody obsess over their depression/anxiety? I’ve felt so depressed lately and I feel like I’m obsessing over it and I can’t get out of it

Last week I was so obsessed about feeling better I wanted to feel better and I was in a constant state of panic. This week I'm still anxious but not as much and I've been obsessing about losing control/losing my mind or having some other mental illness that isn't ocd. I've also been thinking "what if i don't want to feel better" "what if this is how I am supposed to feel" "what if this is how I'm supposed to feel and how I normally feel is me living in ignorance". I'm also worried that I'm manipulating everyone around me unto thinking that I have ocd when im really just a horrible person, or the opposite of having thoughts that are like "You think you're better than everyone else". I'm stressed out about these thoughts and feelings but I feel like I'm not anxious enough about them and that makes me think that I'm losing control. I feel numb but also anxious at the same time and I don't know how to explain the way I feel but it's scary. Even writing this makes me feel like I'm manipulating people into thinking I have ocd when I really don't and I'm just a horrible awful human. I just want to feel better and I know that but my brain is trying to convince me I don't

Just wanted to jump on here and express how I have felt lately. The past 5 to 6 months have been pretty excruciating. I conquered OCD 5 years ago and for some reason, it has slipped back and took over my life again. More so the depression that came along with it. Is there anyone else out there that has returned to rock bottom where they once fully climbed themselves out of?

i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.