So I saw this discussion about gradual exposure VS flooding... and uh... I am kinda in a situation where I am forced into flooding. It has been very hard, but I do still see more results than at home. I am just stressed it'll harm me, this manner of ERP that is probably not the mosy desirable of them all. I mean, I guess it works for some people, I have heard of people who need to quit almost everything at once and I kinda have to too right now... it is quite a lot to take in. Most things go surprisingly well but the big ones on the hierarchy... my god it makes me super stressed. I dunno I could use a pep talk. Trying to be strong here, I need to be, but yeah. For context; I am not in my own home anymore due to abuse and the crisis service intervening to make sure I was safe from well, getting hit again. But I basically cannot practice my contamination OCD at the place where I stay right now. I showered for hours at home, washed hands like crazy, used so many wipes... and using a toilet thst is not mine is my biggest fear. I am doing it all but... idk man it is very overwhelming. As well as trying to process what happened (I was being choked, hit and kicked at home) on top of that, it is a lot. I try to be positive but my god... What a life lmao.

I am so sorry for all you’ve been through and all you’re going through. It’s awful that you’re dealing with so much at once. I see people on this app regularly struggling with housing and I know that keeping a stable environment at home is so helpful but often a luxury. This is definitely not the ideal situation, and it will be harder in the short term for you than doing slow progressive ERP, but it could help in the long term. Flooding is very intense, and I just have to say I’m so proud of you for handling this all as well as you are. Remember that you’re stronger than you think, braver than you think, more capable than you think. Your anxiety is going to be high for awhile, like really high, but if you can keep these compulsions out of your life, you can break the OCD cycle. I’m not sure where you’ve landed or how long you’ll be there, but I encourage you to think of whatever toilet you’re using right now as your own. I know it’s not the one you’re used to, but for now, it is yours. I say this because it’s the top of your hierarchy and maybe a little relabeling will help you get through this a little easier. Stay strong! I know this isn’t easy but you’ve already shown yourself you can do this. You’re doing it now. Give yourself as much care and self compassion and self love as you can. Comfort yourself and let yourself know you’ll be there for you no matter what. These little affirmations and words of self comfort can go a long way.

I feel like I am doing well considering the circumstances honestly. I am a bit proud of myself. It is not easy, but I guess OCD recovery never is easy

Thank you so much for that comment I'm really happy to read it ♡ I'm trying my best, trying to make the most out of it, just hoping that it works out and that it at the very least does not make it worse. That's my biggest fear, that it will backfire. But I guess that's OCD talking. I'm not with professionals but with another family home (my uncles) which is good in a way as the mental health services for general crisises here are uh... very not OCD friendly. They give no treatment and if you have contamination OCD and then have to go to the hospital and share toilets and stuff it's uh... yeah. Not a good deal. This is better and I guess it is a better than home for now too. Ideally I'd just like to go to a clinic where they treat OCD and know what they're doing. Bad experiences with therapists who were not specialised in the past have made me cautious to say the least. I am actually gonna be able to go to the treatment center for OCD in 3 months and I just hope I can hold it out/not relapse much until then

I’m so glad to hear you’re going to a treatment center soon that specializes in OCD. That will be great for you. In the mean time, stay strong. Tracking your progress day to day and then noticing improvements week to week may also help. I know you’re being triggered like crazy right now but getting out of that awful environment may in fact help your OCD once you readjust to your new surroundings. Keep resisting your compulsions and giving yourself love and understanding as you deal with the anxiety. It will dissipate eventually, it will just take bravery and time.

Honestly I do wanna stress my family at home isn't abusive by nature. The OCD was killing us all honestly, the treatment center said I was one of the most severe cases they had ever seen so... it was a build up of 3 years of extreme OCD and unfortunately most of us know how destructive it can be to families.

There is no excuse for violence from your family. No matter how severe your OCD is. Do not blame yourself for this. It falls entirely on their shoulders for choosing to react that way. You did not choose to have OCD. I’m sure your OCD puts pressure on your family and is difficult to deal with. But all families have issues to deal with. And violence is never acceptable no matter what those issues are.

I know. It is not an excuse. My dad was very sorry and had been crying non stop about what he had done for days on end. I just know that it is not in his normal nature and he was pushed to extremes... hence why I have been trying to forgive him. I don't justify it. My family means a lot to me. It's hard. What happened was wrong and everyone realises that fortunately. Just... a mess really and hard to process. And my uncle where I stay at right now doesn't get OCD at all and thinks I can just nope a panic attack after 3 years and have perfect control even though I am flooded with exposures. It's quite a lot to deal with honestly...

I already take like 6 oxazepams a day to calm the hell down and try my 100% best but they are just super demanding in regards to my recovery and push too hard. My actual family enabled me which is bad too. But this is another extreme. I dunno, I wish I lived in a household where the balance was right, you know?

Totally. I hope you can slowly start to recover despite the difficult circumstances. I sincerely hope the best for you.