Mike1975
- Date posted
- 2y
Anyone with harm OCD has to be in a care-giving position?
I am taking care of my father. I have harm OCD. My obsessions are about him. Is anyone in a similar situation?
OCDisAwful1204OCDisAwful1204
- Date posted
- 2y
I’m a stay at home mom and mine are about my son. It’s rough 😞 so so hard. For the first almost 3 years of his life, I’ve NEVER dealt with these thoughts. But then I went inpatient for a different reason and while I was there they asked me “have you thought about harming others?” And boom… my sticky OCD brain latched right onto that. It’s been almost 2 months since this started. The thoughts cause me less anxiety now as I’ve gotten used to them. But man.. they’re still scary as hell. My OCD also tries to give me the whole “you’re not anxious because you must like these thoughts” and that’s been the hardest for me. That I feel it’s attacking everything I know about myself (that I’m a good mom and would NEVER do any of these things) but that stupid ocd monster in my head says “but maybe you would” and it SUCKS. I’m sorry you’re going through this!!
hen7hen7
- Date posted
- 2y
It’s very common for caretakers to get harm OCD and it will specifically center about who they love the most or have that responsibility for. Since you’re caring for your father it’s completely logical (and I’d say almost expected) for your OCD to target your dad. It means you care about him and your task a lot. OCD always goes for the things you care about the most because you want to keep those safe at all cost. Which is why OCD is latching on, trying to make sure nothing will happen. But going about it in the most random and unhelpful ways ever (thanks brain).
Mike1975Mike1975
- Date posted
- 2y
I've had harm OCD since 1995, and it has always been about my parents. But the intensity in what I'm going through, the depression and anger involved with the thoughts, is killing me. I am tingling all over 24/7 and am popping l theanine like it's candy.
hen7hen7
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mike1975 Your brain notices that you find these thoughts Very Important so it keeps your attention focused on them. That’s why they multiply. But these thoughts say nothing about you as a person. Everyone has these thoughts, literally everyone. But usually people have just one every once in a while because they don’t pay attention to those thoughts. They think “huh, weird” and move on. But because you find them so offensive your brain is feeding them more and more. What helps me sometimes is to literally shrug and go “oh thanks for this thought, brain.” And then go about my day. Sometimes I even go *shrug* “ehh” - Everything to signal to my brain that it can give me this thought but I won’t treat it as important. Do you have therapy?
Mike1975Mike1975
- Date posted
- 2y
@hen7 - No therapists, because no one takes my insurance and there are no OCD therapists within 50 miles of me. A person with harm OCD and a low tolerance for stress should never be a caregiver.
hen7hen7
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mike1975 You’re having harm OCD because you’re taking care of your dad. It’s a consequence, just like a ton of parents get OCD when their child is born. (Or even during pregnancy) Stress makes OCD flare up as well. I always get it after big and stressful events. That said, care taking is a heck of a task. I’ve seen it up close. Do you have anyone to support you in this task? So you can take a break sometimes?
Mike1975Mike1975
- Date posted
- 2y
@hen7 - I've had harm OCD since 1995, about both my parents. But yeah it's gotten worse. To be honest, I don't have to do a lot to take care of him, but I buy the food, prepare the food, wash the clothes, and keep track of medications and doctor's appointments. He is in really good shape. It's just the worry and responsibility and knowing that I can't "avoid" him because I live with him and I have to take care of him. I am afraid to get a job because I'm afraid something will happen. Not that I can find work anyway or am in the right frame of mind ofr it, it's a living hell. I have 2 brothers. Both work full time, and one has 5 kids. There's only me. Thanks for your nice words.
hen7hen7
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mike1975 Not being able to avoid him is actually good exposure and response prevention possibilities. Try to reduce behaviours that you’re probably doing that still avoid him a little bit (like not being in the same room, or staying away from perceived “dangerous” objects). This signals to your brain that being around him is safe. This will be scary at first but less and less so later on.
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