@๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ค๐ฆ๐ ๐๐ค. Thank you. I am sad that you have to go through this. But am glad that you are going to do something about it. Please, do.
I hope you have loving and supportive family and friends.
If you don't, you have us here. You have me. Any time.
I have found so many great people here, who help and support each other with advice, their experiences and stories and support. I think I even made a real friend, which for me is like winning a lottery. People usually treat me like crap.
I have lost everyone and everything in my life due to ocd. Went through living hell because of it.
I am now married for 18 years, there have been ups and downs, always because of me and my ocd, but we do love each other.
Before, I met people who treated me similarly to the way your half boyfriend treats you. It tears you apart. You can't function properly. You start doubting everything including yourself, look for faults within you, you get angry at him and disappointed, but the minute he appears you forgive him because you believe you can't live without him. Your life turns into waiting for him to call or visit.
Please, believe me, that is no way to live life. And that is no love. Instead of him being by your side, support you, he causes you anxiety which ocd just loves.
Having ocd is a struggle more than enough. It is difficult to cope with it even when you do have love and support. But in your kind of relationship, I am afraid ocd will win unless you either straighten your boyfriend up and he changes (don't really think he is the type of person who would be willing to change, but one never knows), or you prepare yourself for being single for a while and working on yourself and ocd.
You gave it all in the relationship, now he wants to give you half. ๐ต๐ฅดI hope you give him back the half he is giving you and take the whole amount of love from your next relationship. With a mature, kind and supporting person. Once you say stop to the people who don't appreciate you, things start changing for the better. Hard but worth it.
I am still learning how to do it. But from the practice so far, it does make you feel more confident.
Whatever happens, we are here for you. I am here. Love yourself!
Big hug. ๐ค
Good luck. ๐๐