Razor's Edge

this is OCD fighting back. remember that it wants full control, and will do whatever it can to keep being in the driver’s seat. your voice will continue to grow the longer you practice. i’m sorry you’re struggling, remember that progress is not linear and that this is OCD fighting back. keep doing the hard work, i believe in you!!

I’m feeling this exact same way.. I’m so unbelievably frustrated and scared. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and that all makes the anxiety worse. I feel like I’m so deep in it and can’t pull myself out.. I REALLY feel the “I get this is ocd and should be in control” feeling.. it’s horrifying. But my therapist was telling me sometimes I’m not in control, I can’t control everything and trying to hard to have control, can actually make it worse. I kinda get it, but at the same time feel stuck. You’re not alone, even though it feels really isolating and scary.

Definitely not a lone. I caught myself asking the same question to myself this week. I’m so sick of fighting with erp. I’ve used all my tools to and it just gets tiring. I’m to the point now that I’m literally like being it on OCD. And invite it in. Remember to give yourself compassion because we cannot help these thoughts. You are so strong and definitely not alone!!!!

I have been struggling off and on with OCD for 27 years. The most recent flare up really had me down because I judged myself in the same way you have been doing. When depression gets caught up in the mix, OCD is so much harder to battle. Confidence is crucial. Anyone with OCD has to accept at some point that this is chronic, lifelong disorder that will always need attention in varying degrees. But this does not mean that we always suffer greatly. OCD, like interests and hobbies, comes and gos, ebbs and flows, pop up or hide away. When it shows its ugly face, we must have the tools in place to manage it. I have been as low as it gets and I've also had times of great joy. Isn't that just life? Don't we all have something to deal with?

We can't control the thoughts nor should we attempt. It took me so long to understand that principle. It's the physical compulsions we must stop. Once we commit to stopping them, the anxiety will slowly wane over time. It can take a long time but it will happen. I had a very bad exercise compulsion and it didn't until I got drunk one night and broke my ankle very badly. I was laid up for months and so I was forced to not go to the gym for months. I didn't understand exposure until I was literally forced. After a year of not being able to go to the gym I became habituated into a life of not going to the gym. It caused me a ton of anxiety and anger. But today I couldn't care less about the gym and have fun when I do go. It's no longer a compulsion.

If letting the feeling pass doesn’t work that doesn’t mean you are a failure - you just need a different erp tool - this one helps me with thoughts: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/

Depression and ocd is common comorbidity. No one knows what came first. Chicken or egg question. I think most doctors will treat the symptoms. So if mdd symptoms are present they will prescribe antidepressants. If ocd symptoms are present they will prescribe exposure and response. Both have imperical evidence. I didnt follow my therapists orders and i paid the price for it. Ocd can be extremely difficult to treat UNTIL you understand how it works and how you treat it. Then its quite simple. Look at it from the therapist pov. They're thinking if this person would just stop doing x, y, z they will get better. .

*bring

Are you taking medication? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

Sounds like you are ruminating. https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/