Deep rooted trauma manifest into OCD

Is ocd just a coping mechanism for resisting feelings you don’t like? Something has occurred to me in my recovery process. I’ve spent years fighting my feelings and thoughts. I tried everything - meditation, yoga, Cbt, somatic experiencing, Ativan. I wanted to escape the pain I felt and the anxiety and bad thoughts. Now that I think about it, my dad turned to alcohol for that and maybe I turned to OCD. I always had general anxiety as a kid, some depression too. Over the years, my anxiety attacks and panic attacks decreased, however my ocd has gotten completely out of control. The last few weeks I’ve been working on exposures to anxiety and my thoughts. It’s horrible stuff because I have to let myself just feel the anxiety attack and all of the horrible sensations (including derealization!). Just ride it out and let it do it’s thing. However I noticed that when I get anxious these days if I just let it do it’s thing it’ll peak and come down after some time. And I actually feel some relief afterwards. It feels very natural. The old me would try to squash it using Compulsion strategies to escape that feeling. Has anyone else encountered the notion that OCD might be a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult feelings you don’t like?

MY OCD STORY I’d like to tell you guys my ocd story because why it happened is still a mystery to me. I have never dealt with ocd for my life. I only dealt with some thoughts recently that I would worry about and obsess about but...most of my ocd thoughts would be something that my ex boyfriend would say. For example. My ex boyfriend would say things like, “I’d fuck her” about a random girl. Now I get those thoughts and deal with sexual ocd trying to repress those thoughts. Another thing is my ex used to say weird things about girls younger than him. Way younger, and talk about their body and how they’ve changed so much since the last time they’ve he’s seen them. This caused me to struggle with pocd. Anybody have any thoughts about this? I am not trying to blame him but just wonder if someone else had this experience or can explain what more this experience means for me. My therapist calls these traumatic memories, which I then obsess about.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, also known as the disease of doubt, has a very crippling effect on an individual's ability to function at its worst. This seems to happen especially when the individual's obsessive-compulsive disorder is thematically related to violence, sexually inappropriate thoughts or other taboo topics. When the vicious circle progresses far enough, a person no longer necessarily knows himself at all, is not sure of who they are or what they want. I believe that the background of obsessive-compulsive disorder, like the background of mental health problems in general, is a feeling of disgust and revulsion towards some thought, scenario or self. The way in which obsessive-compulsive disorder manifests itself, especially in the so-called "pure o" form, is very complex, because the individual disgust-inducing thematicity manifests itself not only in thoughts but also in the form of feelings, temptations and physical sensations. In some cases, however, this goes so far that the person's beliefs about his own integrity begin to decay and the feeling of hope and the meaning of life disappear. The idea can be clarified analogously to Nietzsche's thoughts on belief systems. As a result of obsessions and other repulsive thoughts, feelings and temptations, a person's belief system about his own integrity begins to collapse, but when the belief system collapses - the belief in that belief system itself collapses as well. When it no longer seems meaningful or possible to believe in the realization of a familiar and safe belief system, there is also no hope for anything better. So there is no longer even hope left for a meaningful whole of self, which drives a person to deep anxiety and depersonalization, which in turn begins to displace a person from social relationships and from all meaningful activities that a person is used to enjoying and creating meaning for his life based on his own complete self-concept, which is no longer felt to exist. Any thoughts or similar experiences on this?