does anyone else experience extreme guilt over hurting bugs? there was a bit on my windshield today and i knew it wasn’t hurting me but i went to wipe it off anyways. i don’t know why i did that but i feel extremely bad
I feel bad as well, I try to catch and release bugs from my house but then there are these small black ants that I can’t stand and I question my morals like I like protecting everything else but I don’t like protecting ants? It doesn’t make sense.
I feel like a hypocrite. I am an ethical vegan. Have been for many years. I protect all animals, even rats,.... But due to my ocd, I can't stand small flies, mosquitos or other flying tiny bugs, so I react. I protect spiders,... anything that doesn't fly. I am scared that the flying ones would contaminate my food... Especially in the kitchen I freak out. I don't mind them in the living room or bedroom. It rarely happens. But when it does and if it is in the kitchen, my anxiety flairs up, I start to feel dirty even if I am sure that they didn't touch me. I just don't feel ok until I know they are either gone out of the windows or... I feel soooo terrible after. I try not to kill or harm any of them But from time to time my bad ocd-driven me, goes against all I stand for.
Sometimes, though there are just some bugs I can’t catch and release so I end up flushing them.
I completely understand. I thought I killed a spider one time, and I was afraid that it would come and retaliate when I was asleep lol. I don’t like hurting bugs, and I feel so bad, but that shows that we are empathetic people
Yeah. 🙏👍😊
Exactly. I also catch and release bugs. Even flies. Even the little flies. I try to direct flies and mosquitoes out of the room. But then, sometimes it just feels overwhelming and I turn into Mr. Hyde. I always feel bad. My typical reaction is, I say to myself out loud, " Some vegan you are!". I also don't like ants in my home, and I am lucky I almost never see them inside. I would though try to direct them onto a sheet of paper and take them out. I love watching them outside. They are so hardworking and incredibly organized. Like another world within this one. How can we protect some living creatures and without a thought kill others?! I try my best not to do harm even to those annoying bugs. I know they are also just trying to survive. If my bad side sometimes gets the better of me, I hope I can forgive myself. I am my own worst judge.
feels like I violated a family friends son who is 10 years old because I was holding a kitty on my lap and they were scratching under the cats chin and I went to scratch under the cats chin as well but we ended up touching hands bc we were both scratching under but like I didn’t care bc I was just like awww kitty or whatever but then when we touched hands and he moved his hand away it freaked me out like I did something bad or violated him. It felt like I cupped and grazed his hand because I went to scratch under the cats chin but he was doing so as well. And when he moved his hand away it like slid past my hand and it just made me feel like I did something weird. Some people would be able to do this and not freak out and even continue scratching under the cats chin with the little boy and not care but I care and it’s making me feel really weird and bad. And also him moving his hand away when I touched it makes me feel like I did something bad. This all happened in a span of a literal second and I just want to disappear
i’m struggling. so i’m a nanny and i had an intrusive thought to like do something bad to him so i was very upset crying saying i don’t want to do it but as i was changing him i got closer to it to see if i would actually do it and i got grossed out. now im feel extremely guilty i even got closer.
I've been hyperfixated on worrying about abuse and harm to my cats, and as a result i spiraled into some bad compulsions, and I know I'm a bad person for that. I feel horrible. Some time ago my male cat went to sniff my other female's cat bum and i know it's normal but i instantly reacted and bumped by hand to his face and I believe I accidentally used a bit too force. I got scared that I did it too hard. And I felt the urge to replicate the same move to check that it didnt hurt him and i shouldn't have done it I should have ignored the call of uncertainty, and I bumped my dorsal part of the hand on his face repeatedly to check any sign, i was replicating similar "force" to make sure I didn't hurt him going one slight step above of a gentle tap. It was like a slight stiffer tap, but not hard, but still stiff... Like I would feel the compulsive urge to try to bump my hand slightly harder to his face and that would make me feel horrible and wanting me to check it again... My cat wasn't hurt, but I think he had a confused face, my brain is telling me that he ran away and that he had a hurt face, the first thing i dont think so and the latter I believe it. I felt so guilty I thought I was an abuser. And I checked the same thing on my other female cat but she was just annoyed, she didnt feel hurt. This has been on my mind for a long time and I've been obsessing abt. Just now I compulsively tested "abuse" on my cat. i started tapping on her head lightly with my fingers. it didnt hurt her, she didnt react at all, but the first time she lowered her ears but not in a hurt way more like she was a bit annoyed by my antics, or i think it's just the nervous area because cats generally lower their ears when someone touches their head. I started tapping from her back like people do to their cats because the cats enjoy it and i used the same "energy" and slowly went to her head to see if it hurt her. and a medium tap (not hard) that didnt hurt her triggered me a lot, felt like i had done already something that was too hard. and i spiraled and kept doing the same thing to see if it hurt her. like if i do it to myself it doesnt hurt at all. and my cat didnt react at all she didnt move an inch and didnt even meow. she didnt care. i increased the power a slightly to hear more the sound of the tap and I got increasingly worried. but i kept tapping her too much. i couldn't stop. i had to check continuously that the tap before didnt sound as harsh like it did. like she didnt flinch or hiss or move at all. her ears lowered a bit probably because it was unpleasant. i would try to go above one slight step above gently tapping to see what would happened because i couldn't stand uncertainty and i couldn't believe that it could hurt her. it was never hard, but the medium taps felt abuse. when my cat headbutts she uses more strenght than i used to tap her head... to describe the tap it would be like similar to when your friend taps your shoulder to say "good job" or to encourage you. probably a bit less then that...
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