Needed some help to understand how to deal with my issue. I have compulsions and if I don’t act on them it makes me crazy. Compulsions are random without any pattern. For example other day I was in the gym working out and an obnoxious lady was loudly talking on her phone. I controlled my anger but eventually I had to say something to her. She didn’t respond that well instead kept telling me I need to be more polite. I didn’t pay much attention to this incident but now every time I goto gym and I see this lady I feel the compulsion to go and talk to her and apologize. I know it sounds stupid and extremely naive and I am ashamed of it but I kept replaying the incident in my mind over and over again and feel like I won’t have freedom unless I give into the compulsion of saying something to that person again. I do go for CBT , take ocd and anxiety meds but such situations make me feel sick about myself

This is the only piece of advise I am going to give you: "If it feels like and urge, like it HAS to be done NOW, then it is a compulsion and it is just feeding your OCD. It does not matter that it is something civil or kind - If your brain is like : Do it or suffer then it is better to leave it alone. Believe me, I suffer a lot when I don't give money to beggars. But I have learned to have boundaries. You are entitled to make mistakes.

I can relate. I get very irritated with people sometimes then let my anger stew inside me until I finally let it burst in a way I wasn’t expecting. I replay the words both parties shared until I can’t take it anymore and I feel like I must apologize. I wish I could give you all the answers to help you lessen the amount of times you feel you need to do this, but I can’t. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. The only piece of advice my psychologist gave me was to avoid letting the irritation stew inside you and instead try saying something in the moment so that you’re less likely to let it get out control later on. I think for me, I have to remember that I cannot change people and trust me, I’ve tried. If they react poorly to my words, then that’s on them. Good luck!

It may seem like long term suffering, but really it is not. Really, in the very long term, you will be more free of OCD if you resist this urge right now. I agree with FernandoV. You can do it! Just stay strong. I know it’s hard. But you can resist. We all can.

Thank you for your replies. I just feel like it’s easier to give in and do this on thing and move on with my life but at the same time the other Logical voice in my head says that I am just doing this out of compulsion and I should fight it . This struggle is the hardest part of OCD and I am trying to accept it. Long term suffering or short term relief by doing my compulsion

Thank you for the encouragement LyricalWolf. I know it will be tough because most times I have always taken easy way out and give into the compulsion. But I think I’m the past few months it slowly built up from smaller compulsions to this one now.