I’m so scared. This is either depersonalisation or maybe derealisation, or just existential ocd argjdjshhshs I don’t know. Something clicked out of place earlier. Everything changed; my perception on EVERYTHING. I feel no meaning. Just emptiness. I don’t understand. There’s no love, it’s like the whole world is just stupid and dumb and I HATE that I’m feeling this way. This nihilist thinking is awful. Everything around me just feels so pointless. My family I thought of first. And then the internet. And then colours. And ideas. Everything. It’s nothing to me. But that’s not true, that can’t be true. I just hate that it feels true. I want to love and smile and feel happy and embrace those I love. I feel so cold and dark. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I don’t really know how to explain it. I just want to go back in time to two days ago. I got high for the first time and it’s made me spiral (clearly!). I want to be who I was before all this. My old problems were annoying, but they were bearable. This however, is entirely different. Everything just seems so fake. I haven’t had existential thoughts that’ve triggered me in around a year. I thought I was over it. But now it’s all come back, and it’s come back HARDER. It’s like those antibiotic resistant bacteria things. I can’t fight this. And I can’t get help for this because nothing is anything. I’m so scared :((

It’s absolutely horrible. There’s nothing worse. It also makes treatment more difficult because you doubt if it’s even real. But ERP is absolutely still your best bet. I’m actually in an intensive outpatient program that’s 4 days a week 3 hours a day for this right now.

I have and am going through the same exact thing Definitely the hardest type of ocd I’ve ever dealt with. Prior to this I had mostly harm obsessions which were hard in of itself. But this is another level I know where your coming from.

I've been in a state of dissociation for a few years now, which has always been diagnosed as depression. I feel like life isn't real and I'm disconnected from everything. I don't really have existential thoughts apart from I feel not real and that life isn't real, but it's either a coping mechanism as it stops my old intrusive thoughts, dp/dr or another theme. It's hell though, so awful. understand what you're feeling

Are you in the UK? I'm on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist but am getting desperate for help, it's so hard here to find people that specialise in OCD/pure O

Yeah I’m from London. I’d love to find an OCD specialist but they’re so expensive. You’re right, it’s really hard to find someone. I hope you get to see the psychiatrist soon!

Thank you! You as well. We have to hold on to what we once where we can get back there again and even better! I’m in the USA and luckily we have so many specialists available to use I hope you can find one as well. God bless.

I’m relieved I’m not alone. It’s just so scary isn’t it. To feel nothing... except fear I guess? I don’t know. I just hate the emptiness

josh1991, let me know how it goes! Best of luck :)