How do I deal with this?

I’ve been dealing on and off with TOCD for 5 years. It started when I was 14 which makes me worry cause I was so young when I started questioning. However, I didn’t want to identify as a boy but was afraid I did. I had doubts about my gender that persisted here and there for the past 5 years but they were never as intense as the first episode with it. I got to a point recently where I didn’t think about it at all and felt free from it. Unfortunately, it didn’t last for very long and I’m back one of the worst episodes I’ve ever had with this. It’s been about half of a year and there is nothing that is helping me. I’m scared because I want to continue to identify as a girl but sometimes I have thoughts that I’m uncomfortable with feminine things and that is super scary for me when I loved feminine things before this. There’s nothing I want to change about myself but sometimes I have thoughts that I was supposed to be a boy which really bother me and sometimes feel real and I just can’t stop it. When I was younger, I never would have believed I’d be obsessing over my gender this intensely cause I was always so happy to be a girl and would have hated being a boy. I always wanted to be a mom, date men, get married, etc and now I feel like I can’t do any of that because of these thoughts that are back in full force. How am I supposed to deal with this? I can’t stop myself from thinking about this. It has taken over my life.