Me going trough my snapchat memories and my photos from my life before hocd: ???????????????????? ???????????? Am i the only one who goes trough those and just wish that they could be there even if it was just for a sec and you compare yourself to how happy u were there and how sad you are now and u just even get more sad. The times before hocd were pure gold for me. Like they mean so freaking much to me now. Im so thankful for all the good times i had before this hell called hocd broke loose.

Same! These feelings are normal and are OK to be there, but don't wallow in them for too long OK? It's okay to feel this but if you keep looking back all the time, you cannot move forward. And if you look forward those happy times will be back in time. It might take a while and a lot of hard work has to be done but I know you can make it back to that place of happiness again! :)

Yes I do it all the time and I cry looking at them. I also see the ones where I faked being ok around other people and I can tell I wasn’t happy. It really makes me so sad :(

I truly hope so too! I can totally relate to you too afazz, i see the memories and i can see where hocd came up and that i was not myself and i was unhappy but people didnt know and those memories make me so sad. But i will strive to be af the place of hapiness i used to be :)!

I mean I guess that shows me that I don’t enjoy the thoughts. I was so unhappy. I cried almost everyday. I went to the school counselor and she actually said I might have ocd, which is pretty crazy. I just was so unhappy with my life. I would cry when I was with my friends and blame it on something other than ocd. Ughhhh, I’m getting better though, but it scares me that I’m not as effected as I was before :(

Exactt in the same situation as you now. I alwyas was blaming it on something else. Before i knew i had hocd i knew that it just couldnt be that im just switched to gay. So somewhere i always wanted to google my symptoms but i also was waaay to scared that something like “jupp, ur gay. U gotta accept it” would pop up. So i just refuse to google and i also didnt want hocd. I just was like no i just want to be me i want this to stop. But then one day i googled and found an support group and i balled my eyes out because i found people like me. Its like i knew i had this all along but i just idnt want it and still i cried out of relieve. Anyway i feel like im getting better but its more that i just dont get anxious. Its not effecting me as much anymore too but still its like im not me? Im not me at all im not who i used to be. Im still sucked out im still empty but hocd is jusr not in my head so much anymore. I hope im not too drowned by all this that i will never be who i once was because that would be the worst thing ever. Its crazy how much motivation and how excited i was to live my life. And all of that is gone. I cant force feelings to be back. I also feel bad bfor saying it but i just cant stand to see people being all excited about things because i jusr get sooo jealous. I dont show it but deep down i just wish with my whole heart i could be like them, and the part that hurts the most is knowing that you would be like them if hocd never happened. U just know that you would be happy if u currentyl werent having hocd because youre living ur dreaming and going to college but hocd is in the way and its like there is this wall that blocks all the good feelings and all the joy and attraction to boys. Well enough complaining lol i always find myself complaining but i should work on my healing instead lol

Same now I’m feeling like my life was completely ruined