- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Same! These feelings are normal and are OK to be there, but don't wallow in them for too long OK? It's okay to feel this but if you keep looking back all the time, you cannot move forward. And if you look forward those happy times will be back in time. It might take a while and a lot of hard work has to be done but I know you can make it back to that place of happiness again! :)
Yes I do it all the time and I cry looking at them. I also see the ones where I faked being ok around other people and I can tell I wasn’t happy. It really makes me so sad :(
I truly hope so too! I can totally relate to you too afazz, i see the memories and i can see where hocd came up and that i was not myself and i was unhappy but people didnt know and those memories make me so sad. But i will strive to be af the place of hapiness i used to be :)!
I mean I guess that shows me that I don’t enjoy the thoughts. I was so unhappy. I cried almost everyday. I went to the school counselor and she actually said I might have ocd, which is pretty crazy. I just was so unhappy with my life. I would cry when I was with my friends and blame it on something other than ocd. Ughhhh, I’m getting better though, but it scares me that I’m not as effected as I was before :(
Exactt in the same situation as you now. I alwyas was blaming it on something else. Before i knew i had hocd i knew that it just couldnt be that im just switched to gay. So somewhere i always wanted to google my symptoms but i also was waaay to scared that something like “jupp, ur gay. U gotta accept it” would pop up. So i just refuse to google and i also didnt want hocd. I just was like no i just want to be me i want this to stop. But then one day i googled and found an support group and i balled my eyes out because i found people like me. Its like i knew i had this all along but i just idnt want it and still i cried out of relieve. Anyway i feel like im getting better but its more that i just dont get anxious. Its not effecting me as much anymore too but still its like im not me? Im not me at all im not who i used to be. Im still sucked out im still empty but hocd is jusr not in my head so much anymore. I hope im not too drowned by all this that i will never be who i once was because that would be the worst thing ever. Its crazy how much motivation and how excited i was to live my life. And all of that is gone. I cant force feelings to be back. I also feel bad bfor saying it but i just cant stand to see people being all excited about things because i jusr get sooo jealous. I dont show it but deep down i just wish with my whole heart i could be like them, and the part that hurts the most is knowing that you would be like them if hocd never happened. U just know that you would be happy if u currentyl werent having hocd because youre living ur dreaming and going to college but hocd is in the way and its like there is this wall that blocks all the good feelings and all the joy and attraction to boys. Well enough complaining lol i always find myself complaining but i should work on my healing instead lol
Same now I’m feeling like my life was completely ruined
Okay so this has been on my mjnd for a while but like, every instagram model or like celebrity is always like: i have been depressed or i am depressed and life will get better and everything. But than i see the next post and its like them looking all happy partying or its a post with the caption like: i bought a new dog im sooooo happy. While i cant get it over my heart to go to a party or buy a dog while im like this. I dont wsnt to experience all the good things i always dreamed of when im not myself because it hurts. I dont know if that makes sense but its like i want to be the old version of me before hocd the careless one and the free one and then do all the fun stuff otherwise i wont enjoy it fully. I want to enjoy things fully like i used to. So i just dont get how all these people claim to be depressed but still are happy? They are like its a rainy day omg im so happy or something and jm just like, How? How are u happy. U said u were depressed if u were wouldnt u not be posting. Wouldnt you be sad 24/7. Because thats how i experience depression. So why arent they? Im just wondering like im not a depression expert and i dont know what they are feeling but i just get so jalouse like how do they get to be happy even tho theyre depressed as they claim. What are they going trough??. People always say that if u have depression and anxiety go lay in bed grab a snack grab a blanket and just chill and let the feelinggs be there but i cant chill. My mind is always on the run. I cant do any of the old stuff i did without feeling pain because im not expierencing the same feelings thst i used to get while doing the stuff. This whole post is so messy i hope Someone understands what im talking about because like depression and hocd littetaly changed everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing everything feels different and i dont wsnt to do fun stuff when i feel like this because in the back of my mind i know that if i didnt had hocd and depression i would be genuinely happy and not even thinking about anything other than the situation thst is going on and id just be focused on having fun while not even noticing it.
I miss who I was before I had OCD so much. It didn’t hit me till I was 25 last year. I was a lot more fun and could actually live in the moment. Now I’m just constantly filled with anxiety and depressed and agitated. I’m praying for all of you that deal with this too because this is no joke :/
I consider myself recovered from OCD. i still have intrusive thoughts but they no longer upset me. some days i really dont even remeber if i had any thoughts. I am so thankful to be better because it was SO bad at one point. However lately i have been grieving the 2.5 years of my life that i lost to constant intrusive thoughts and compulsions. It makes me so sad that i wasted so much time stuck in my own mind. does anyone else ever feel this way?
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