- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Same! These feelings are normal and are OK to be there, but don't wallow in them for too long OK? It's okay to feel this but if you keep looking back all the time, you cannot move forward. And if you look forward those happy times will be back in time. It might take a while and a lot of hard work has to be done but I know you can make it back to that place of happiness again! :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes I do it all the time and I cry looking at them. I also see the ones where I faked being ok around other people and I can tell I wasn’t happy. It really makes me so sad :(
- Date posted
- 5y
I truly hope so too! I can totally relate to you too afazz, i see the memories and i can see where hocd came up and that i was not myself and i was unhappy but people didnt know and those memories make me so sad. But i will strive to be af the place of hapiness i used to be :)!
- Date posted
- 5y
I mean I guess that shows me that I don’t enjoy the thoughts. I was so unhappy. I cried almost everyday. I went to the school counselor and she actually said I might have ocd, which is pretty crazy. I just was so unhappy with my life. I would cry when I was with my friends and blame it on something other than ocd. Ughhhh, I’m getting better though, but it scares me that I’m not as effected as I was before :(
- Date posted
- 5y
Exactt in the same situation as you now. I alwyas was blaming it on something else. Before i knew i had hocd i knew that it just couldnt be that im just switched to gay. So somewhere i always wanted to google my symptoms but i also was waaay to scared that something like “jupp, ur gay. U gotta accept it” would pop up. So i just refuse to google and i also didnt want hocd. I just was like no i just want to be me i want this to stop. But then one day i googled and found an support group and i balled my eyes out because i found people like me. Its like i knew i had this all along but i just idnt want it and still i cried out of relieve. Anyway i feel like im getting better but its more that i just dont get anxious. Its not effecting me as much anymore too but still its like im not me? Im not me at all im not who i used to be. Im still sucked out im still empty but hocd is jusr not in my head so much anymore. I hope im not too drowned by all this that i will never be who i once was because that would be the worst thing ever. Its crazy how much motivation and how excited i was to live my life. And all of that is gone. I cant force feelings to be back. I also feel bad bfor saying it but i just cant stand to see people being all excited about things because i jusr get sooo jealous. I dont show it but deep down i just wish with my whole heart i could be like them, and the part that hurts the most is knowing that you would be like them if hocd never happened. U just know that you would be happy if u currentyl werent having hocd because youre living ur dreaming and going to college but hocd is in the way and its like there is this wall that blocks all the good feelings and all the joy and attraction to boys. Well enough complaining lol i always find myself complaining but i should work on my healing instead lol
- Date posted
- 5y
Same now I’m feeling like my life was completely ruined
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 23w
I had same Sex fantasies, sought that out in 🌽 before I knew what sexuality was, it’s related to a specific fetish and I used to talk to strangers online including men and I’m scared now what all of this means, I have HOCD, POCD, all sorts of thoughts but I don’t know if it’s my thoughts or my past which is reality. Why did I have those thoughts as a young boy? Why why why? Who am I? Do I even have OCD? What monster am I? I just want to end it all sometimes in all honesty. Not really but sure feels like it. I’m dying inside .
- Date posted
- 11w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
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