How do people with high self esteem deal with their low moments in life? Stupid things they did as teenagers, very embarrassing moments in their life, acting on something and regretting it after, etc. I can't shake the guilt at all and everyday I'm just reminded of my lowest moments and reminded of how much I don't believe in myself
CBT can help reframe thoughts which I fluence negative feedback cycles. Medication can help and ERP, but the guilt is all OCD. No one I know has lived a life free of stupid decisions. Speaking from experience, work on resolving OCD and those feelings will get much less intense.
*influence
I sure do hope it's all OCD. I'm hyper focused on anything that could remotely be interpreted as bad, disgusting, or disrespectful. It's trying to latch onto something I did right now even though it shouldn't be a big deal
@BigGip09 Remember, OCD is an obsessive condition where you'll focus on nothing but these thoughts for the majority of your time.
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Perhaps try to Google something like 'How do people see other people' 'what do others think of me' Or 'why should I not care so much about what people think about me' I too have struggled with embarrassment and/or regret about things I've done or said in the past. One thing that helped was learning or realizing that everyone has their own life and that people are not sitting around thinking about me all the time. I am not the center of everyone's or anyone's attention. When I was going thru hard times dealing with OCD I was pretty much always in my own head, I did not think about other people or too many other things in general. I developed a self centered perspective of everything like most people do when in a mighty struggle with something personal. This led me to have an exaggerated idea of what people thought and how much people thought about something I did or said that I was embarrassed or shameful about. Also if you are not familiar with what a Self defeating thought is then I'd encourage you to look it up. Basically it is about how passing judgement on others for what they do or say increases how much and how harshly we judge ourselves for what we do or say.
I'm hoping this is just an OCD thing and I'm hyper focused on everything I'm doing. I don't think I've worried this much about what people have thought of me in the past as much but at the same time I don't know if my morals compass was as high. There's also thoughts that I have the convince me of being terrible and a criminal but I don't believe it deep down but it feels real. I'm not too sure what a self defeating thought is but it sounds like it's connected with low self esteem
I guess there are all kinds of self defeating thoughts, any type of cognitive distortion is a self defeating thought. But when I think of self defeating thoughts I think about how I judge people for doing or saying things that bother me then going as far as labeling that person as obnoxious or annoying when I too have a tendency to be obnoxious or annoying at times. So because I called this guy an annoying idiot I will inevitably feel the same way about myself, I'll be hard on myself the same way I was hard on that other guy.
I completely get this. It's probably why I don't get so mad at other people because of how much I already beat myself up. I also read this in the sense that I should probably judge someone in the same way I would judge myself if I were in the situation. Does that make sense? I often don't think others would be at fault for things I have done but I constantly blame myself for the things I've done and mistakes I've made.
Well, imo it is best to not pass judgment on others ever. It serves no purpose. I don't like it when someone judges me so then why would I judge someone else? Example: I have Severe to Extreme and difficult to treat OCD. As with many mentally ill people you can't tell there is anything wrong by looking at me or even by talking to me. Of course due to this disorder I dropped out of college and I was unable work very much but anytime I felt like I was up to it I'd go out and get a job. However it never lasted very long. I'd end up quitting and going without a job for a while until my next attempt at employment. Not sure how many jobs I've had in my life but it is somewhere around 30 I guess. Even tho I was doing the best I could and i kept trying to make it work despite constant suffering, or struggling at best and wanting to give up many of the people close to including friends and family labeled me a quitter. They would say I needed to get my act together, that I just didn't get it, etc. They were judging me. Judging me which triggered my anger, which triggered their anger and frustration which put a strain on our relationship that still persists to some degree to this day! And that was 25 years ago. They judged me despite not having much of an understanding at all about what I was going thru. Thru this and other similar situations I've learned to not judge others and it has made a big difference in my levels of anger and frustration.
How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….
(18+) I really hate myself, like I’ve always hated myself but I’ve gotten to a level where it’s really bad. Do any of you guys have those moments where you’re at work, school, or just out where there are people and think “If only these people knew the monster I am and all the stupid things I’ve done”. It’s this thinking that brings me down a lot. Like I’m always thinking of when I was sending nudes on dating apps last year and all the what ifs that come with it. I always feel horrible, there hasn’t been one minute in the past year since august of 2021 that I haven’t been obsessing and hating myself. It’s been over a year, I feel terrible. I’m about turn 20 in two weeks, this started when I was 18, these are suppose the best years of my life, but they have been the exact opposite. I know we all make mistakes and it’s about moving and learning from them, but idk. I’m just venting, there are good days and moments, but it’s all mostly bad. I really need a therapist, but sadly I don’t have the money or the insurance to afford it, but yeah, just so many regrets.
I’m obsessing over every past bad decision or every stupid thing I did as a kid or teenager. I have this terrifying fear that mistakes are going to come back and haunt me and ruin my life. Anyone have any encouraging words?
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