- Date posted
- 2y
Jesus, what a day
Gone from being like a solid 90% to feeling absolutely awful by the end of the day. I thought I'd got somewhere. I really did.
Gone from being like a solid 90% to feeling absolutely awful by the end of the day. I thought I'd got somewhere. I really did.
I totally relate but hey tomorrow's a new day, so we can start over again and this time hope for the best!
It's like Groundhog Day. Every day I wake up at 5am and the thoughts are there waiting for me. This morning I chose not to bite and I was good until midday, felt amazing actually. Then its the same old shit all over again.
@Worto It sounds to me like you should be really proud of yourself for not allowing thoughts to catch you this morning- well done- remember it’s a practice- keep going!
@Worto I get it I'm dealing with the same shit I tell myself that today's gonna be different but still I wake up with these stupid thoughts, fight em the whole day, then cry myself to sleep wishing I didn't exist. But I feel less of a burden when I come up here on this app and see that I'm not the only one feeling this way.. it sort of calms my mind to know people do feel the way I feel and well, I'm not so alone in this as I thought I was So even though everyday's pretty much the same, I telll myself that I'm gonna be dealing with these fucked up thoughts so I might as well, get out of bed, get fresh, go to work, come home, do stuff etc cuz well the thoughts are gonna be there, I can't do anything about it but I can do my normal routine work anyway so yeah be it. You know this way, sometimes I even forget that my thoughts are even there and just maybe this way someday our thoughts are gonna stop 'being' there.
@Dee88 I guess. I think it's easy to get carried away when feeling better. It trips you up. I don't know about others but when you feel like you're close to finally being back to normality you feel like you should be able to push that remaining bit away and well, that's when you end up back at square one.
You did get somewhere! That 10% doesn’t automatically diminish the 90% you were feeling today. That’s huge progress and you should be proud of yourself! Recovery isn’t a smooth road and it takes time, but if you’re trying your best then that’s all that matters at the end of the day.
Oh I know. It took me years the first time. To a degree, me being impatient is causing more problems than anything. I just want to get on with my life again. I feel I've lost too much time to this. Don't want to spend the next 12 months living a kind of half-life where I'm not able to enjoy myself, you know?
@Worto I completely understand. I feel the same way and it’s so frustrating. But keep fighting and you’ll get there!
Don’t diminish your success! You’ve managed to not bite until MIDDAY, that’s huge!! Means you’re on your way of kicking ocd in the face. You can apply what you’ve learned to the next time. I always use video game logic for things like this. If I *finally* made it to a certain point in the game that was super hard I surely can do it again! And get better from there until that point isn’t hard anymore.
I'm playing Kingdom Come at the moment and I literally just had to do a boss fight about 50 times because my character was way underdeveloped, so this hits hard, lmao
@Worto Hahaha, but you eventually did it? You can do the same with your ocd!
@hen7 Eventually and after a lot of raging, lol
@Worto Rage against the ocd! You can do it!
I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭
Last week was a lot easier for me. I felt like thoughts didn’t control me and my actions as much as they did earlier. Today was really hard for me and I feel like I’m starting to lose hope again:( I can’t take the thoughts and the feelings that come with them anymore. I feel like I have failed and I’m never going to be happy again.
I have no idea to what extent the new medication I am on is affecting me positively or negatively. The past two days and Monday have been awful. I feel close to walking around in a daze in the mornings. For whatever reason Tuesday was actually like a 3 on a 5 star scale whereas average had been below 2.5. I know the OCD is pissed off but it’s so bad and interfering with my life so much. It just hammers at me basically nonstop. I know I can watch YouTube and read books/comics and sometimes play with Legos but exercise, video games, consistency, feeling like I have a choice when I want to do these things is so difficult. I’m starting to lash out with anger at things and am going back down the path of self harm and suicidal thoughts. I just despise all of these thoughts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond