- Date posted
- 2y
Just feeling alone and not very hopeful.
*trigger warning is just in case, no references to self harm just dark thoughts* I am having a flare up of my depression which is making obsessive thought cycles more intense. I'm in a new state totally alone for a summer internship. I'm an introvert and definitely like my alone time but nothing but alone time is getting difficult mostly because I can be my own best friend but I can also be my own worst enemy. I'm just really struggling with feelings of hopelessness. I graduated from college last year and the job market and getting a nice place to live while still being able to afford groceries and to enjoy yourself a bit on the weekend is really difficult. I miss my college friends desperately. I just feel such a sense of dread about the future in general- my future and the world's future. I know that's very "doom and gloom" and actually I usually try to actively not think that way and be positive (being my the family "peacemaker"), but right now I'm tired and alone and all I can think about is how I want, in some ways, to be a little kid again, being tucked in by my mom and told everything's ok. Which doesn't actually make any sense because my childhood home was generally not a very comfortable or happy place. I guess I just want to know that things are going to be ok and that its not just me looking out for myself. Because at the end of the day, I don't know if I can trust myself to do that.