Idk what happened

Ive been on a setback for 2 weeks, but this is different. Since thousday i cant sleep well cause i have weird and scary/emotional dreams and i wake up feeling so bad. I dont feel like myself throughout the day, i cant find myself and even if i find it feels like i have to put so much effort and power to be myself that it exhaust me... i became so angry and irritated, i talk agressively and negatively with people, i view myself negatively, and i cant be myself, i hate this. I dont feel that distance between me and ocd, a week ago i did and i even got praised by someone that im on a good path for recovery... and now i feel guilt cause i just lost it... again when i try to see that im not ocd i just fight and it becomes meta-ocd... I just feel so sad and dissapointed, i want my old self back. Now even doing recovery work frustrates me and im getting angrier which doesnt help at all... and these fckn dreams... it just tires me... these dreams arent even about my ocd themes.

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

It happens man. I've been relapsing for 6 weeks and finally started feeling good until I had had a major setback last week. Same symptoms with my sleep too. Recovery isn't linear, this disease is messy and manipulative. Try to look at some CBT exercises for OCD to reframe these thoughts because it sounds like you're being very hard on yourself. This is difficult. Acknowledge that you're fighting something which is hard. This is no small task. Keep at it. As someone who has experienced long-term relief multiple times this will pass. Just keep working at it. Find things that work and stick with them.

vgb

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko You are so inspiring. Thanks mcduck

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Idk how you deal with not being yourself. It makes me feels so angry that i know normally im a really kind guy and i want to find people like me but now im totally the invers of that and i will make kind people think that im a negative bad person...i dont care about ocd, i never actually felt free of ocd, i just could be who i want to be, i was kind and funny, when i felt sad i was kind with myself, but now i just hate this. I hate that i get angry at myself. Its like im angry at everything, its so hard to be kind, its like i lost my values man. Ocd was attacking me before too,i just let it do it, but now i cant control my behaviour...

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 It's really hard. I can get really angry too but I have to channel my anger through my hobbies and my work. OCD can cause other issues like depression and low self-esteem which is why it's so important to have multiple ways to tackle this disease. You can do all the ERP you want, if you have other issues on top of this then you'll have an uphill battle. You're going to want to find out what these feelings of anger are and how you can curve them. I think once you tackle them you might give yourself room to heal from OCD. Maybe look into radical acceptance, CBT, and ACT for OCD to maybe help prevent negative feedback cycles (keeping your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in check). If it's a feeling of needing to really go out and really take your anger out I'd recommend hitting the gym (the harder I go the better I feel, personally) or taking up a discipline where you can be destructive in a creative way (think martial arts, building things, running). Also realize there's a flip side. You may just need to start doing some mindfulness meditation to train your mind to relax. Everything in moderation should help point you in the right direction, then go from there with what works best for you.

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Just take it slow. This is hard. We're all there with you.

Brian :)

Date posted: 25w

My mental health is declining due to ocd. It’s like a huge mix between ocd episode and depression wave. I feel weak and hopeless. I wanna cry. I’m exhausted . I feel like I’ve lost myself again.

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

Vee <3

Date posted: 13w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Idk what happened

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