Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

I don't want to be like this anymore

Feeling very depressed and run down as OCD is making my life hell... I'm getting "I don't deserve" thoughts about virtually everything, even I don't deserve to have thoughts. It's much harder to feel like you do deserve when you're depressed on top 😒 I don't want to do this anymore, everyday I feel intense amounts of emotional pain, this is a wretched disorder... all because I made a mistake earlier in life and I can't let go of it like a person with a normal brain. How is it fair that there are some truly horrible people in this world that sleep like babies and enjoy life and then there's OCD sufferers putting up with this crap... It's not fair, and I'm starting to question the meaning of all this

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

It's not fair, but you can get better. There is no meaning, your brain just overreacts because it was built that way. Like any machine or vehicle you can learn to use it by learning your "manual". If you think about it it's not the thoughts that are scary. The thoughts and realizations are normal thoughts everyone gets. It's the consequences your brain convinces you of that is scary. OCD can trigger depression and vice versa. This is why we encourage a well-rounded approach to fighting this disease. It is better to tackle potential comorbidities en mass than it is to try to fix one at a time.

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

Yeah I'm realising that I've got to treat it as a whole very quickly or I'm just not going to get anywhere. Bloody psychologists here in Australia though a clueless and poor excuses for psychologists 😒 They just want to dig through my past even though I keep saying ocd, ocd, ocd. Because I don't show any physical compulsions it's almost as though they don't belive me

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko It's bad aye, you'd think a disorder that we've been aware of for almost 150 years would be alot more recognised... I've been digging through my past with them for years, it helps me to understand the origins of my disorder but doesn't get under it and treat it.

jdom992000

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Please hang in there. You’re starting out in the right direction by being here, getting help and opening up. Trust you’ve got this.

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

Thank you you for your support, I'll try and give it everything

NaggingOCD

Date posted: 2y

i'm in the same seat as you right now i can't live my life and be happy i feel i should be punished for the rest of my life i'm disgusted and shamed and regret and guilt ridden of emotions i don't know how to get past this

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

I understand you, what I struggle with is telling the difference between ocd and depression. I have found a way to improve the symptoms and that's practice self compassion. Easier said than done though

NaggingOCD

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 i've suffered for years with this i don't live my life i just get by this one situation brings me to my knees i i just want to move on from it

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@NaggingOCD Same, I had a sudden flare in 2019 and I haven't been the same since. What have you tried?

NaggingOCD

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 i've had therapy i've tried erp cbt mindfulness breathing being busy living in the moment i've tried everything

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@NaggingOCD Yeah ok, I understand your heartbreak. I hope you finally find your answer and get some peace. I find the events that go against your morals as a person are so hard to crack. I physically hurt someone when I was 19, just got mixed up with the wrong people and made a mistake :/

luverlytwizzles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 That mistake means nothing about who you are now. If you are able to reflect and make better decisions because of that mistake you are choosing to be a better person and do what is healthy and right for you and that is self love. Ocd wants to try and connect the smallest things to a conclusion that we are terrible people who don’t deserve to be here. But you cannot live your life in constant reflection. So accept that that incident brings you anxiety and look forward what do you value? What do you need in the moment? What brings you joy and makes you feel like a good person? I hope this feeling passes soon because I know how bad it can get. We all do! We are here for you ❤️

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@luveytwizzles Thank you, it's so hard, I've never experiences something so intense I'm my life. When depression strikes to, it takes the joy out of everything, even what I value most :S I've never had to combat depression on top of ocd, it's so damn powerful

luverlytwizzles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 I totally get that. My depression was so bad I would self isolate and cry daily. It’s a scary combination with ocd.

taylorlove

Date posted: 2y

i completely understand the feeling. you will find your peace. sending love and strength. keep fighting through it.

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

Thank you Taylor, all I really want is a little peace, that would be amazing

taylorlove

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 i know this sounds dumb. but i was in a situation like yours. i really want to help you get through all of this. it’s the most draining feeling dealing with ocd

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@taylorlove How'd you get out of it? Thank you! Right now I could use all the help I can get. You're support means alot

taylorlove

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 so i’m far from out of it, i had to decide if i wanted to try medication or therapy first (because i can’t afford both) but i choice medication and it has really helped me get in the right direction! and honestly talking to people who are going through the same thing i am really helped me also. there is no correct way to learn how to deal with this so what works for some may not work for you and that’s okay! you are heading in the right direction!

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@taylorlove Thank you Taylor, I'm scared of medication, I here that most people that stop it, it just comes straight back and they relapse. It just tells me that it's a temporary cover up and appeals to my skeptic nature 🤦

taylorlove

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 i completely get that it’s my biggest fear about medication. honestly i got on medication just because i was at my breaking point and i needed something to give me some peace. and talking to people about it helped me i did see a therapist once (i need to go again but it’s so expensive ) and i didn’t know i had ocd but she told me how i am not “crazy” like i thought and how what i was going through was normal.

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@taylorlove - Fair enough, i'm pretty much at my breaking point now, it's a horrible feeling and i can't stop breaking down all day. I'm so overwhelmed i've got ocd on top of depression on top of adhd on top of straight anxiety. I'm honestly mind boggled as to how someone like myself even gets treated, i keep getting this negative thought saying maybe you can't :/

taylorlove

Date posted: 2y

@Nate_093 you definitely can!! talking about it is the first step i think. i completely get what you’re saying though, i’m so sorry. i know you can do it!

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

@taylorlove Thank you Taylor, I hope you're right

Toni1990

Date posted: 2y

Hey, I absolutely understand you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sending so much love and strength

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

Thank you Toni, that means alot

Ranger_867

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I think we can all relate. My OCD wants me to live in fear because of a mistake I made years ago too. I’m going to need to take a big risk to overcome the challenge and it might be embarrassing and humiliating but I am strong and I can handle it. You are too!

Nate_093

Date posted: 2y

Thanks mate, it's very intense sometimes and I just can't get a grip no matter how hard I try. I'm just at the mercy of my own head, I really hope to see some improvement soon

HOY

Date posted: 23w

i dont know if its gonna get better

since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 17w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

Mgully09

Date posted: 17w

I feel like I'm not in control of my own mind

I hate the way ocd has completely messed up my brain, I struggle to tell the difference between an intrusive though and a regular one, I have really bad issues with morality and I feel as if my brain can no longer tell what is and isn't right and I can't tell if I'm over reacting about situations and I end up feeling stuck in a loop of wondering if I'm a bad person and trying to look at a situation rationally and not knowing if that's even possible with the state of my mind, I feel like none of my thoughts are actually mine. I hate it and I wish I could feel in control of my thoughts even for just a day, just to know what it's like. I've had ocd symptoms since I was about 9-10 so i feel like I've never really know a life without it. I just wish I could live out my teenage years like anyone else my age. I can hardly engage with my hobbies and passions and I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to therapy or get medication because I'm not even diagnosed, I just feel trapped. I'm only a teenager, like I said, I don't want to live my entire life like this.

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