AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

A Few Things - Venting

My OCD is a part of almost everything in my life, but I just need to vent about a few things. Well, no, that's not true, but I don't have the energy to type it all, and I really would rather talk than type in a comfortable space, rather than feel I have to justify and explain everything. People who don't know me don't grasp why asking me to answer their questions (which only lead to more "Why?"s or not accepting what I say) is just too much for me now. To them, it's just one more time. To me, it's overwhelming and exhausting. The story gets longer as I get older. I'm so not ok. I'm so hot. My nerves are on edge. I told my boyfriend I was hot, and he told me he wasn't. I tried again to explain about hot flashes and more than menopause can cause them, and he told me I needed to get that "fixed"... And after a pause he added, "When you're able to." I asked what am I supposed to do in the meantime and he didn't say anything. I asked him if he'd make it cooler, and he finally did, although I don't know if he really did or not, because he leaned back, I heard the metal door flip open and closed, literally in a second or less, and I don't think he could have adjusted the temp that quickly. Every time the AC shuts off, that very second, I feel a wave of heat, and it I don't get cooler until the AC comes on again. I'm morbidly obese, and I don't feel like going into it now, but losing weight is hard when I have to have to eat takeout (usually high in carbs, sugar, and sodium, among other unhealthy things), and my boyfriend can only afford cheap stuff. I used the bathroom earlier, and I was struggling to carry my weight, making loud sounds as I let out breaths, sweating, almost feeling faint. My left arm and hand tingle because of my left breast weighing against my arm. I'm so nervous about my Social Security and I just wish I knew if I was going to get it next month as usual. I posted about this previously. I'm going to run out of my meds soon. Doctors won't see me if I can't pay them, and they wouldn't take out-of-pocket if I had the money. They will only take insurance, and I can't be cut off my meds again. It's dangerous. My boyfriend got his phone fixed, but I'm still waiting for him to help me with mine. I screamed in the room while he was out, but my voice isn't as strong as it used to be. My throat had mild pain, just from screaming once.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I'm sorry. When it comes to eating healthy, you can only do the best you can. Could maybe try to get the healthiest possible choices that are available to you. Maybe some food at the grocery store would be just as cheap? I don't think canned veggies are too expensive. That's just some ideas, I know it's easier said than done.

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

I have no way to warm them. I would gladly do that, otherwise.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@HorrorQueen I'm sorry. Sounds rough. It may not be your preferred choice, but cold canned veggies are something people actually eat I'm pretty sure

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Also, canned veggies are just my first thought. You could probably get more creative and think of more things than I could. Anyway, I hope things get better for you!

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thanks. I've been trying to come up with other options for years. My boyfriend isn't willing to do some things that would improve things for me.

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Maybe. I prefer hot meals for dinner, though. I also would need a way to pour out the water... Maybe a bag... But I have to be careful about spilling.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@HorrorQueen I'm sorry to hear about that. I hope things go well in the future. Certain takeout options are healthier than others so that is also something to take into consideration. Again, I hope you are able to accomplish the things you wish for!

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yeah, and I try to get them now and then. Problem is, my boyfriend won't always get them, especially if they're more than a few dollars. It also has to be convenient for him (which often means convenience store meals), and I usually don't get my dinner until 7:00-10:00 pm. On the rare occasions when I get out, I eat dinner between 1:00 and 4:00 pm.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I’m hearing that you are dealing with a lot of stressful things (Social Security finances, medication/health anxiety, etc.). Does the social security come with Medicare or Medicaid (in regards to doctors/medication). I’m not well-versed on the topic and am hoping it’s a possibility?

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

I wrote more in a past post, but I had SSDI and Medicare (I didn't qualify for Medicaid), but somehow, they got the wrong address for me, and I didn't know they had been sending mail there so I missed it. They determined I was no longer disabled, and now I have to appeal (I've already filed), which can take months. I need my SSDI and Medicare! Also, my meds!

AtheistWitch

Date posted: 2y

I have NO idea how they got the address they had, as I'd never been there or heard of it! I haven't been anywhere near there ever to my knowledge. I didn't change it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@HorrorQueen That is so, so frustrating!

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 25w

>> Venting

TRIGGER WARNING Made on Sunday: So, my brother just came home today from a 4 month stay because he had gone manic and made some major threats. He had attacked someone too…. So, I was super anxious. He seems to be alright, but I’m still worried that he’ll hurt my parents or pets, and that I’ll snap if he does. Maybe I’m overthinking it?? I just don’t wanna go into a rage episode and hurt him, because he is my baby brother. *sigh* Since I was anxious earlier, I kept passing out repeatedly and started seizing afterwards. I’m just exhausted and sad and feel bad because I get scared and frustrated and tell my fiancé to break up with me. I know he won’t I’m just scared I’ll hurt everyone around me unintentionally. I’m tired of being in constant pain, I’m tired of the constant emotional rollercoasters, I’m tired of not being able to do or help with pretty much anything; I’m just tired. I don’t mean to bring anyone down, I just needed to vent. And I’m sorry I’m not on here all the time, I have a very strict schedule. And that’s another thing!! I feel so helpless because I can’t do anything. Mom gets frustrated because I refuse to do things or have to do them later and I wish she could just understand. I am doing my damndest to even stand up. I have so much vertigo (dizziness) from the pain I’m in and it really takes a toll. I want to help, to do extra like I used to. But I keep falling and the pain becomes unbearable. The pain meds aren’t working and so that’s gone out the window. I guess it just hurts because she gives me that look like I’m supposed to know what’s going on. I know she’s stressed with having to do everything, taking care of my brother, and her insane workload, so I’m giving her some slack, but it’s still hard. I wish she new how bad I work just to live my life.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 25w

Flare Up ~ Vent

TW My brother came home 4 days ago (I think) from a hospital stay of just over 3 months. In the hospital, he attacked one of the staff and almost k*lled her, in his dysphoric mania. Now he's out of mania, but I'm scared that he'll harm or try to k*ll our pets and/or my mom and dad. Since he's been home, my OCD has flared up badly, and I've started to have panic attacks (leading to seizures and fainting), destroying my lips, and having overstimulation over every little physical sensation. My joint pain is becoming unbearable and the medications aren't working, I may have an autoimmune disorder that could destroy my organs (Lupus), I'm frustrated because walking feels like hell, I keep falling, I keep getting dizzy and seeing stars and I'm just so tired. I can't sleep since my brother came home. Yes, I close my door at night, but I'm still terrified that he will hurt my cat. I've started to hate anything that I've touched with my hands cuz I don't wanna get stuff on my face and I hate the feeling. Yesterday I kept obsessing over whether or not I was cheating, if any of my memories are real, obsessing over if everything is perfect or perfectly in place, and over everything my brother does. I've become paranoid over everything and I'm so tired. Thank you for listening.

learningtore...

Date posted: 24w

a quietly loud vent about ocd join in if you need

venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.

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A Few Things - Venting

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