help

i posted last night about me seeking male validation in a relationship. a few of the comments were about me having to work on myself and how i have underlying issues. I know this is true but i feel so anxious thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend, it doesn’t even look like an option. I can’t focus on anything other than this and i feel like he deserves so much better. How do i stop seeing validation and work on my self so i don’t ruin my relationship

2groovy4u

Date posted: 2y

Well for starters I say that you have to accept that you are an individual outside of your relationship. It is normal for people to want to be attractive to those around them. It’s how you react to the attraction itself that would be a problem. If you are don’t want these men the way you want your boyfriend then that’s that. The fact that you are feeling anxious and scared is showing to me that you don’t want anything outside of your relationship. So I’d start by telling you to seperate your thoughts from yourself. You feel like you constantly want this thing because OCD is attacking you in such a way. It’s very common to feel anxious and guilty with rocd. So sit with the uncomfortable feelings of anxiety and be kinder to yourself. Stop trying to tell yourself he deserves better etc because that only contributes more to the cycle. You got this! ❤️

anonymous1345

Date posted: 2y

@2groovy4u Thank you so much. I don’t want anyone else other than my boyfriend but enjoy male validation as it makes me feel better about myself and i may sometimes go out of my way to receive this. That is why i think i am an awful person and i do need to get it sorted out. Do you think this is abnormal?

2groovy4u

Date posted: 2y

@anonymous1345 No not necessarily, if you truly think about it. People go out of their way to get attention all the time just in different ways that make them feel good about themselves. And I can understand this, what you relate too. Wanting to be found attractive by the opposite sex but not necessarily wanting anything to come of it. When people think you look good, you think that you look good. It’s literally a whole societal concept. It’s built into media. Be attractive/presentable so people will like you etc. You aren’t an awful person for wanting to be liked and found attractive. It’s simply life. If someone didn’t want to be found attractive they’d dress disgustingly and act that way too. Life is much more than black and white thinking. You aren’t a bad person, you just believe in a modern day societal norm. 🤍

Anymous

Date posted: 2y

@anonymous1345 Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cause you any problems over my comment that I made earlier on your last post I just know I also struggled with what your going through and I realized that I needed to find self love again I’m sorry I did not mean to make you feel that way

anonymous1345

Date posted: 2y

@Whiny no don’t be sorry it’s not your fault!! Is it possible to find self love whilst staying in my relationship?

anonymous1345

Date posted: 2y

@2groovy4u Thank you so much this has really helped! The society we live in has definetly impacted the way i think about myself and how i want others to view me, but that’s just life. I hope you’re doing well❤️

2groovy4u

Date posted: 2y

@anonymous1345 Thank you lovely! I will get there ❤️

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

JoPK

Date posted: 20w

I really need some kind of reassurance or advice

I just got broken up with 13 days ago after 5 months super unexpectedly for no reason other then he needs to work on himself. That night i was really alone because my parents told me he was a good influence on me and my friends weren’t so i had no one. I added this guy on Snapchat that same night and we’ve texted and called every night since. We met 3 days ago and it went really good. We were both nervous but both talked about the next one and how we both had fun. Last night he went to bed without even a goodnight or any talking that whole day but apologized and said goodmorning this morning. Then tonight he randomly sends a paragraph saying he doesn’t think it’s going to work. When i asked why he said “Idk our personalities are just a bit different and idk if I’m really ready to be in a relationship”. It makes sense i guess but I’m really struggling with the fact that my last relationship said that exact same thing and i can’t help but think there has to be something wrong with me. I never cheated or did anything that could’ve upset either of them. I’m 17 and i really feel like i should just stop trying for a relationship but no one is giving me any kind of advice so I’ve just been over thinking all of it. Any past relationship I’ve gotten over by meeting someone new but I don’t know how to “work on myself”. I really think I have a fear of being alone. Please help!

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

im scared

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

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