I was so focused on reaction that i got obsessed

I started to feel bad and i learned that the thoughts arent the problem, its our reaction to the thoughts, so i started being aware of my reactions but i got confused cause i couldnt decide which are my reactions and which are the thought/emotions ocd gives me. Cause the fear feels like worry, and sometimes worry just comes with fear, you dont add anything. Someone gave me an advice and said to try to see worry different from me, so the same as ocd... yeah it helped then but idk what happened but for a long time now i feel stuck, idk what to do, what is my next step, im so confused, nothing that i learned helps me cause im just so identified with ocd again, i cant notice what is ocd, what is my values, my reactions, even if i notice that this is a bad reaction, i feel even worse cause i do it wrong, then i want to stop being so hard on myself but i cant and im spending my time giving this to much attention and i get tired... When i try to quit reactioning to these things im juat doing avoidance, i can feel that i worry more, i do it in a state of fear and idk how to ignore it in a state of confidence and it frustrates me, and this just gives more power to the "i will feel worse, im not recovering" obsession, just gets stronger and stronger...

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

Try practicing not responding to your regular thoughts. It takes a lot of work but you can do this by reading and just letting whatever information you obtain come to you. During this time just think of nothing. Don't respond one way or another. You may feel something but you don't need to react to the information you have just absorbed. When you get good at that, try using that against your intrusive thoughts. This is the "response prevention" part of ERP. I have a lot of trouble with it too.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Dont even respond with "im choosing to move on, this is ocd"?

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 In some cases it might be a compulsion, especially if you're doing it to feel better. If the goal is to let the thoughts be and "sit with them" then this *might* be counterintuitive. If you are doing your own ERP then it might be worth a try. I'd ask your therapist first if you have one.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

And when i so into that that im not even aware of my thoughts and reactions and i just try to stop my reaction but it gets worse(i try to stop it cause people say you can control your reactions but when i try it gets worse) so what can i do in that situation to gain back just a little awareness? Cause without that im lost, i just see that the fear just gets bigger automatic and im frustrated...

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 By letting yourself feel the fear you reinforce to your brain that you can handle these thoughts and that you do not need to resolve them. Many of us auto-ruminate by thinking we need to get rid of this discomfort. This is incorrect. In fact, I'd argue feeling the fear is short-lived. It's the compulsions, which can be subliminal, which extend our suffering. Take a listen to this episode of The OCD Stories. It really helped me understand how important the Response Prevention part of ERP can be for some people. https://youtu.be/PcFTi7HJYnk

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko I think my obsession is "im doing recovery wrong" so whenever i worry or add negativity i know that thats just puts me back on a setback so i get angry and fustrated that i will not revover... it got so bad that when i lost that awareness of im seperate of ocd, this is not me, and i got frustrated that i lost that too... i still struggle cause i cant decide which is ocd what i add as reaction to these thoughts, and trying to stop adding these things just generates more problem, trying to control my reaction makes me more frustrated and angry... so i guess i dont have to control my reaction... i need to view that too as part of ocd...

prakriti

Date posted: 2y

so what if you are doing it all wrong? we as humans are born to make mistakes,to confuse things,to do it all wrong and then regret,to repent taking the wrong path,to feel bad-worse,to have contradicting thoughts! thats what makes us humans lets be easy on ourselves and i know its not easy to actually implement it cause as humans and especially when we are in a state like this it is very normal to be hard on ourselves but one step at a time for eg adding in one hobby at a time per day even for a few mins and pushing ourselves to do it little by little step by step

Aquario

Date posted: 24w

need advice

my therapist isnt avaible for a this week and this weeks been hell, cant focus, i keep getting stuck in my thoughts, if i predict something will happen and it doesnt, my brain gets stuck on what if it did and then my obession keeps going, i keep trying to not pay attention or let go of my thoughts but feels like im in a trance when the thoughts come up and feels hard to snap out of it. also since my ocd is to the point of disability (despite social security keeps denying me) i cant go out much and my fears have been getting more and more dehabilitating and i dont know how to properly fix it, i dont know the right way to respond to these thoughts, i dont know how to let go, its just been super rough and demoralizing...

Hi_1

Date posted: 16w

Advice?

I’ve been stuck in this cycle for the last month or two and am not sure how to get out of it. Basically, I will work on ignoring the thoughts and not responding or engaging plus limiting/completely eliminating compulsions. After a week or two of constant work, the amount of intrusive thoughts in a day goes down. The anxiety each thought causes also goes down with some, but not all, thoughts passing without notice like they would for a normal person. The thoughts that do stick cause anxiety and make me want to ruminate or do other compulsions but I make sure to limit them. After a bit, I’m in a pretty good head space. This is usually when it goes down hill. I’ll start to question if I even have ocd because some of the thoughts (once again not all) pass without notice. The difficulty resisting compulsions goes down and so does the anxiety, only increasing the questioning. I spend a while questioning if I’ve ever had ocd in the first place and then something sets me off or the questioning itself becomes a trigger and I get stuck back into the same ocd cycle with constant rumination, anxiety, and other compulsions. This lasts for a week or two before I know I need to stop and try and work hard to get back to ignoring the thoughts. And the cycle just restarts over and over again. Does anyone have any tips to stop this from happening? It’s really harming my recovery as every few weeks I dive back into the same negative place I was.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

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I was so focused on reaction that i got obsessed

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