I'm so confused...

Hello, I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 25 years old. I attributed my overthinking to autism but I realised a few months ago that Pure O OCD is the most meaningful explanation for it. I am also an asexual, so I am, simply put, a shitshow of symptoms. I constantly review the past - particularly painful memories. I have a consistent fear of getting cancelled. When I was 18, some YouTubers I followed got accused of sexual misconduct and cancelled. I was obsessed and concerned for them. Others found my obsession strange. I did not like how their lives were ruined over accusation and no trial. (I was naive then to why public accusations are happening, as it is because the legal system often fails to address predatory men.) Even 6 years later, I googled one of them 240 times between January 2020 and April 2020. It was plain obsessive. When I burned bridges, I continued to search the people involved in my past dramas. Often multiple times in the same day with nothing new to see. They would likely be scared if they knew how obsessed I was with them. I have started doing ERP exercises. I wrote a script where I receive public false allegations and my life is ruined. It is forever googleable and I am a complete pariah. Completely unemployable, unliveable, even my family abandons me. I listen to it for 15 minutes on loop per day. What else would you recommend to tackle the ruminating? I wish I had this information at 18. I should have been solving these issues then and enjoying my life, not figuring it all out so much later in life.

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.