Need Help

Hello Everyone, and I hope you are all doing ok! I'm going to put this post as a trigger warning because I'm directly going to state my OCD thought. I really need help, and I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I have to wait about a month and a half for therapy but before that I have big things planned, such as my birthday and my return to school after the holidays. I kinda want to enjoy them, so I'm trying to make do with my own research. My OCD thought is: What if my reality is fake and my family is suffering in the so called 'real reality'. What if my life is a simulation and my family are suffering in reality. I can't believe im worrying about this. I know it to be daft and borderline insane. Part of me is worried about the fact that I'm worrying about this - am I going crazy? Are these thoughts going to get better? The other part of the matter is the fact that I am desperate to get better and have been using every OCD thought strategy known to man to deal with this thing. But it's gotten to the point where theese strategies of 'maybe, maybe not' might be a compulsion in itself. Often I get spikes of anxiety where I know that 'I should be worrying about this thing again'. I know I'm supposed to feel anxiety to make me get better. I'm prepared to feel anything as long as it helps me get better. It's gotten to the point where in just thinking and thinking, using the thought strategies for OCD just leads to thinking about them and then im thinking about thinking if that makes sense. Is there a reliable method? I know I need a therapist but I don't have that for a bit. I really just want to be comfortable again. I miss being happy. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you all for your ongoing support.

ale_10444

Date posted: 1y ago

I have these thoughts too, I always seek reassurance but i heard that seeking reassurance and asking others is also a compulsions. I understand the whole “am i crazy thought too” I be thinking that all the time becuase I question reality so much. I don’t have much advice since I’m also trying to figure out how to solve this too, but I’m just letting you know your not alone.

mantradragon

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you!

Worto

Date posted: 1y ago

Do you know, I've also had similar thoughts over the years. Not to the point where they've really messed me up, but they certainly are a little distressing. I've always tried to imagine what things look/feel like from other people's perspective. Or worried that maybe I perceive the world wrong. Or that there is no reality and I'm just a brain floating in a jar somewhere. So many of these sorts of things and you can get wrapped up in them. I guess the answer is that we can't be sure that we're not in the 'real' reality - and I guess all we can do is enjoy this reality that we find ourselves in as best as we can.

mantradragon

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah. I dont care if this world is fake, it's ok sometimes. This worry stems from the irrational fact that my family is 'suffering' in the 'real' reality.

mantradragon

Date posted: 1y ago

@mantradragon I feel insane just writing these thoughts out.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

The way I look at it just after starting therapy (I’m yet to begin ERP) is that the thought or question is not the thing to be concerned with. That’s to say that you yourself don’t believe your reality to be a lie, you are questioning it and scared of the possibility it could be a lie. I have been dealing with many similar thoughts and compulsions. Also, I can relate so much to the thinking about thinking, it truly is such a mindf*ck, but it doesn’t have to change how you go about your day. I would suggest trying not to think of the ocd at all, which is a vague solution if you think at all similarly to me, “which thoughts are ocd”, “which parts of me are me vs ocd”. BUT, if you find yourself second guessing something that is insignificant to the current situation you find yourself in, dismiss the ocd by saying that same “maybe, maybe not” but add “this thought process does not benefit me right now”. Only keep focused on what will serve your present moment for now until you can get a therapist’s opinion and take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt as I’m absolutely no professional on this. We’re not losing our minds by asking these questions, more so scared to death that we could be losing them as we engage in this process to understand our brains and the ocd that used to rule them. The ocd likes to make us believe we have more control over our lives and circumstances than we do and that failure should be avoidable. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got and mistakes will happen, but we hold ourselves to such an insurmountable standard that a small mistake becomes a life and death ultimatum on whether we are good people. Hang in there friend! Try to focus on enjoying these events you have coming up and stay in the present as much as possible, the future can’t hurt us because it hasn’t happened yet.

mantradragon

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you. Your response means a lot to me.

JimJimAlabim

Date posted: 1y ago

The best thing I’ve found is to tell yourself that even if nothing is real, the world around you is wonderful and beautiful regardless. Even if we live in a simulation, all of this around us is still incredible.

FairyWithaKnife

Date posted: 19w ago

I just don't know

I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

Freddy327

Date posted: 12w ago

Waiting for therapy

Hi everyone. I'm feeling kinda scared because I have to wait a whole month to start ERP therapy, but I feel like I need to start doing exposures now because the longer I wait, the more anxiety I get. It just feels like the OCD monster is getting worse. One thing that helps me is asking one person about an obsession I have...asking a person that I trust, and then doing an exposure after I get the "ok" to do it. I feel like I do need 1 reassurance and then I can go ahead and do it. I know i'm not supposed to ask for reassurance at all, but i dont think you're supposed to do ERP on your own right? Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do while waiting for therapy? PS-the reason there is a wait is bc she's on vacation. After she's back we will meet regularly.

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