I am a monster

Shit happens in life. It doesn't mean you're any less responsible, it just means continuing as a human being. Nothing you've done is special or unique, in fact I'm sure it's quite human. You need to accept whatever was done and move on. This disorder is just another roadblock in the way. If you have been forgiven then accept it and do what you do. If not, make amends and do what you can to correct the situation. But you need to change for the better. It doesn't matter how low you sink, you need to shoot straight from now on.

But you are capable. You just need time to heal

Some self care might be what is needed at this moment.

Sorry to hear of your self talk. Idk you so I don’t know the evidence that you are swying. It’s good to admit failures and mistakes and work to take responsibility for them and to learn from them. However does not make you a monster. I use to think the same Althing and it was my OCD talking. Yes I’ve hurt ppl in the past and made mistakes. But that’s not all of me. I’ve done good too and always looking to do my best for myself not to the best of someone else’s. Hang in there. Maybe you can see a therapist and talk to someone about this? You can do it though. Good luck brother

Every issue in my life is because of what I did, I cheated on my wife 5 years ago, I had a secret phone with long distance girlfriends, I got all emotional and obsessed over a female coworker and got fired because of it. It's all me, and I act like a victim?!?!