So Tired Of Relationship Anxiety

Does anyone else sometimes just think about ending their good relationship that they enjoy just to avoid the cycle of constant relationship anxiety? We’ve been together 8 years. He’s never given me any reason to doubt him, but still the smallest thing will happen, like he starts a new job and it just sends me into a tailspin. I start getting intrusive thoughts like “what if he meets someone? He’s got to be sick of me by now. Why wouldn’t he want her? (A new coworker) She’s much more attractive than me..” I’ll manage to go a day or two without bringing it up and asking for reassurance but it’s like every single thing that happens will just become “evidence” to me that my worst fear is coming true: his tone sounded a little different. I’m probably right and should get ready for this to end. Asking for reassurance just comes across as accusations, and he gets angry and frustrated. People would say “oh if he gets defensive, he’s guilty”. So then the anxiety gets worse. But what he’s telling me is he’s exhausted and frustrated from me “always doubting him”. And he doesn’t deserve that. I hate it and often suggest just breaking up due to my feelings of guilt over constantly asking for reassurance and that just makes him more mad as he doesn’t want to break up. I’m just exhausted. So I think “maybe I should just leave. Be alone. He deserves better”. But that just sounds like punishment for both of us because it’s not what either of us wants.

angel.ring

Date posted: 2y

Yes!! I completely understand this feeling. I want to start this response off by saying that no, you should not break up with your partner!! From my point of view, it seems as if he has been understanding and kind throughout this, and he is willing to work with you on what you are struggling with. That’s a good thing! You are also right to say that he does not deserve to go through this…but I also understand the pain that you feel on your side of the situation. So, here’s something that I learned when my partner and I went through a very similar situation: the reassurance that I constantly needed from him was a compulsion; this compulsion harmed me of course, but it also harmed him, and it harmed our relationship. I overanalyzed his tone and his manner and, just like you, fell victim to the idea that he was getting defensive because he was “guilty.” I finally got over these obsessive thoughts when I stopped giving into the reassurance. Instead of turning to my boyfriend and asking him these unfair questions, I would tell him that I was dealing with a distressing intrusive thought and that I wanted him to just be here and hold my hand while I got over it. Sometimes I would go and journal for a few moments, or I would visualize the thought leaving my brain while taking deep breaths. I would remind myself that he loved me and I had been with him long enough for him to never do the things my brain came up with. It’s difficult, and it is exhausting, but it gets easier after a while - and now me and my partner have been together for 4 years! I promise, things will get better. You just have to be kind to yourself and be fair to your partner.

illneverfeel...

Date posted: 2y

Omg, thank you so much. You get it. You ACTUALLY get it. I breathed such a sigh of relief reading your comment. Thank you. I just joined this community last night and already feel I’m in the right place. And yes I absolutely do not want to break up, I feel that that is a compulsion as well.

angel.ring

Date posted: 2y

@illneverfeelsecure Aww, good! I’m so happy to hear that :) You’re welcome!! I completely understand… it’s exhausting, but I got through it, and so will you! And the breaking up is a compulsion, yes. Especially since you know you don’t want to do it... I hope that what I did to get over this will help you as well!

Misstama65

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

This is exactly me lately. I'm exhausted from it. My fiance totally understands what's going on so that's helpful. I had no idea about ROCD until last fall. It all makes sense and it's good to hear others dealing with the exact same thoughts. I've had other themes but was so confused about why I was having all this relationship anxiety when the relationship was so good!

Mazy420

Date posted: 24w

Advice on this situation 😭

I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.

Relationship OCD

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cam123

Date posted: 22w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

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So Tired Of Relationship Anxiety

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