My first post

Hello, I am a part of another OCD community, where I frequently interact with others, provide information that I know of about the condition, including its treatment and recovery, and, hopefully, help them resume living, and even enjoying, the life they want. My condition, at its worst, was, according to the interpretation of my Y-BOCS score, "extreme", and that was, in fact, an accurate representation of how my life was at the time the scale was administered to me, being affected by the condition. Having gone through several unsuccessful treatments, before eventually progressing with the condition, and even sustaining that progress, I know just how helpless and hopeless the experience can be, and how that could all change, as long as the proper help can be secured, or, at the very least, the condition can be understood. One intention of mine is to help others achieve what I achieved, by helping them understand the condition, no matter how limited my knowledge is, because that understanding, along with its application, proved (to me) that it could help secure that sustainable progress (that I mentioned), along with any other necessary help, including those of a clinical nature. OCD is a very treatable condition. The common belief that "OCD and its obsessions are just something that you have to deal with for the rest of your life" is something that I know, now that my condition is subclinical, not to be exactly true. Nobody wants to be affected by OCD for life, and nobody should have to. If society and community, be it scientific, healthcare, general, or otherwise, can achieve a greater understanding of OCD, the necessary help that sufferers sorely need can definitely reach those very same sufferers at a more efficient pace, and I see the propagation of important and helpful information regarding its inner workings and treatment as an important first step. That is why I thought it might be worth joining this community, and if the community at large, or even just one person, ends up benefitting, then any time and effort incurred would have been well-spent. There is definitely hope, for those who are feeling hopeless with the condition. I urge you not to give up. Keep faith, and keep persisting.

Anon112

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much, do you have any advice for real event ocd? My mind keeps shaming me for events in the past, and I don’t wanna think about this any longer. Logically, I know I’m a human being but my ocd makes me feel so guilty over it and I feel so hopeless and tired.

Mealthian

Date posted: 2y

The issue you are encountering here isn't so much about the content ("events in the past", as you mentioned), but more of the occurrence of the content. When you keep resenting that occurrence, you also reinforces it, and that's why you find that the end doesn't seem to be in sight, because it is a self-fulfilling cycle. It is important to realise that the problem doesn't actually start when your brain reminds you about "events in the past", because the occurrences of those thoughts cannot be controlled, nor should they be. The problem actually starts when you respond to those occurrences, either by ruminating/analysing on those thoughts and their occurrences ("I have to figure out this question. If I don't solve it, it will bother me forever."), seeking reassurances on those thoughts and their occurrences ("What does this mean? Can you tell me that this is not true?"), resenting the occurrences of those thoughts ("Why am I still being reminded of this? Please go away. I don't want to think about this."), or doing just about any compulsions in relation to this obsession. Where it "occurs" to you, automatically and out of your control, it would be the "obsession", which can include thoughts and feelings. It is not for you to control, nor should you be controlling it. Where it is something you "do", in response to the "occur", it would be the "compulsion", and this can include non-observable/mental compulsions as well. This is what you should be controlling, and when you control the "do", you influence the "occur". The distress that you feel originates from the amygdala, the part of the brain where logic, and even rationality, doesn't exist. That's why it's futile to simply depend on whatever logic you know of, or even try to counter the obsessions with logic.

Anon112

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Mealthian - I accept it but then still feel so much guilt and shame. It's so hard to shake that off, as I have stopped ruminating and doing any of the compulsions.

Mealthian

Date posted: 2y

@B56 The "accept(ance)" involves accepting the occurrences of those feelings ("guilt and shame") as well. Those feelings, being part of the obsession, can stop occurring, but only when you have demonstrated that they are irrelevant. When you keep resenting their occurrences, you demonstrate relevance. That demonstration of relevance would reinforce those feelings and the obsession further, causing them to re-occur again, and that would be why it is a compulsion, and it is a compulsion that you have to reduce, and even eliminate eventually. What I have mentioned is, for the most part, behavioural, which is ERP. There can be a cognitive aspect to it as well, and can be something that might warrant some further investigation with your therapist, if you find yourself seemingly unable, or unwilling, to stop doing those compulsions, in particular the resentment and lack of (further) acceptance. Perhaps something that might be worth you asking yourself, something that relates more to the cognitive side of the therapy, would be, "How am I still justifying this resentment I am demonstrating towards the guilt and shame?"

noaarios

Date posted: 2y

Hi, Thank you so much, can we talk please?

Mealthian

Date posted: 2y

Hello, you could share your comments here, and I will reply, if I could, accordingly.

noaarios

Date posted: 2y

@Mealthian okk, Do you have any advice for trans OCD?

Mealthian

Date posted: 2y

@noaarios Unless there is a specific context, I am not sure I have anything to add to the general advice at large, because without specificity, the advice would revolve mainly around the well-established and well-known principles surrounding the therapy and treatment of OCD, which are to target the obsessions-compulsions through ERP, and sustain that ERP by addressing any cognitive distortions, or issues, that might disable the person from complying to that ERP to the very fullest.

kimmiepossible

Date posted: 2y

@Mealtjian thank you for your post. I’m new here. I wondered if you had any advice on me always thinking my husband is cheating, hiding money, recording me, etc. The thoughts seem so real and then I check his phone, bank accounts, etc. I am trying to learn more about OCD and how it truly affects the brain etc. I feel like it has taken over my life and I want my life back. My husband always says he is not going anywhere. He says he wish I could see him for the faithful and loving man that he is but he is here for sickness and in health and he knows this isn’t me. It’s hard to separate myself from the thoughts. I feel horrible that I have them.

truetrev

Date posted: 23w

An Intro to Trevin

Hi everyone, My name is Trevin (24,male,he/him) and I’m new to this app and this is my first post. Here’s how I’m feeling today: OCD frustrates the hell out of me. Mostly when it becomes hard for me to comprehend. A few weeks ago I had convinced myself I have Huntington’s Disease (or will have it in the future). I was reading symptoms that overlap with how I was feeling at that time, and started drawing connections to my life. Some large connections, like my grandma who has parkinson’s, and my psychiatrist augmenting my SSRI with memantine, fixating on “what it means” for me, a young, healthyish individual to be on an “old person” drug. Some longshot connections linked to Huntington’s, like my above average intelligence and large head size. Each symptom I found that “clicked” my OCD made the anxiety ramp up. I shut this down fairly quickly as I could tell it was unrealistic and it felt very clearly that it was OCD. However, on days like today, my OCD is a much more undefeated beast, not dissimilar to a Rancor. Unfortunately I am not a Jedi. Today, my OCD just feels like nothing feels right. I feel like my entire perception of the world is different today. I’m drowning in it. The sky looks different, the coldness against my skin feels more piercing than it normally would. My thoughts just feel like a whirlpool, like I can’t place a finger on a single thought I have. They are moving fast and swirling like a galactic orb or nebula. Everything just feels “off”. And that makes me frustrated and angry. I feel like I have no control of myself. TLDR; I fucking hate this disorder. And I hate its name too. More often than not, I don’t feel like I have an obsession or compulsion. It’s just a feeling or perspective distortion. Maybe a better name for OCD is Control & Doubt Disorder, or Obsessional Uncertainty Disorder. I hate searching OCD online and it simplifying the hell out of it: “Obsessions that lead to compulsions”. Girl, I wish it was that fucking cut and dry and easy to delineate. I still insist to my psychiatrist that I have a different disorder in addition to OCD, because what I feel doesn’t “feel” like OCD. They, of course, insists that this is OCD about OCD. Ugh, frustrated, whatever :P Thanks for reading 🫶🏻

satoruwu

Date posted: 20w

New here

I’m irrationally terrified of being found somehow by someone who knows me but I’m trying to post anyway. Not sure if I qualify as young adult or mid-life at this point because I’m about to be 30. Hi, I’m new here and I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. I’m already diagnosed with autism, GAD, and probable ADHD, and I believe I’ve had varying subtypes of OCD since childhood. My worst OCD-related issue right now has been constant reassurance seeking. I’ve fallen into a trap of constantly doing it and without reassurance I’m terrified to make decisions in my new job. It’s causing me to ask too many questions I already know the answers to which makes me not look competent. Even though I’m somewhat experienced in my field of work, starting this new job has me feeling like I’m starting in the field all over again because I’m so bad these days with working independently since I can’t reassure myself that what I’m doing is correct. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and have come close to losing my job because the stress has exacerbated my autistic struggles such as meltdowns and social issues and I’m also battling the ADHD and GAD on top of it. I’ve also been pushing away people who are close to me with my reassurance seeking because I have problems with not being satisfied with any piece of advice or reassurance given to me by friends and family. They can say things will be okay a thousand times and even though I’m the one who asked I will fight them on it and I’m getting tired of my own difficult behavior and obsessive thoughts. I finally got into therapy again to try and save my job and my relationships from the clutches of my various mental illnesses and I’m just looking for community here.

mariahlexie

Date posted: 14w

Thank you all for your support

I am FINALLY starting to (somewhat) recover from this last existential spiral, which admittedly, was probably the cruelest my OCD has ever been to me. Only thanks to you all. You were all able to provide me with kindness, understanding and support… without the kind of reassurance that feeds OCD, of course. When I downloaded this app, I was genuinely terrified. I was so scared that I was permanently doomed to the endless whirlpool that is the thoughts produced by my own brain and that life as I knew it was over, that I would never be happy again. For anyone who might be feeling that way right now, your OCD is LYING to you! Whatever you may be going through, it CAN get better. As hard as it may be right now, HAVE FAITH! Get up and do that thing you want to do in spite of the fear and discomfort. Take the fear with you like a whiny, unwilling toddler and do it anyway. Watch the movie, read the book, order that takeout you’ve been craving, bake the cake, wash the dishes… Please do it anyway! It will be hard at first, I won’t lie. But the OCD part of your brain, like a toxic partner, WANTS to win. It wants you to give up on those things that you love, all those things that make you happy so that there’s no space for anything but itself. Don’t let it win. The more you push yourself, the more you rewire your brain to realize that as much as it may feel like, the obsession doesn’t matter! Thanks to you all, even without therapy (YET - I’m starting that journey on Tuesday because there’s still a lot to unpack, and I know that OCD won’t just magically go away), I was able to get a basic understanding of ERP and learning to sit with discomfort and how to live life in spite of it, rather than letting it take over my very being. So for that, I thank this community. I think I would be in a very different place right now if it weren’t for the people I’ve met here who truly understood my experiences. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your brain is telling you ❤️

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