My Latest Obsession

So I feel like I’ve been making lots of progress with my OCD, but there’s one key obsession I just can’t let go of: The fear of being an incel (i.e. involuntarily celibate). Now, before anything else, I must say that I don’t hate women at all. If anything, most of my closest friends have been women. I also do admire women’s other gifts, not just beauty. I too have many “feminine” traits, or at least things that are typically associated with women like cooking, gardening, caring for others, and being open about my emotions. It all seems like I was a healthy blend of masculine and feminine traits, and that it was ok to not be a “Chad”. That is, until I came across the term “incel” My OCD really likes to make me believe I’m an incel, because quite frankly, I’m not exactly conventionally attractive. I’ve been on Tinder, only to be scammed, blackmailed, and rejected. No success there… so my OCD draws the conclusion, yeah you’re an incel. Even though I’m appalled and grossed out by incel forums, and I refuse to be labeled as an incel, OCD makes me think that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I should just give up on dating, because it just doesn’t seem worth the effort. And before anyone starts saying I should work on myself, I’m self aware enough to know what I’m weak at. I’ve lost a ton of weight, go to therapy, take time for self care, have now a job, have my own place, and otherwise doing ok for myself. Do anyone else out there get this too? Female “incel” comments are welcome too.

Username: Peterson42Peterson42

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m sorry that ocd has been targeting that lately. Being an incel is clearly not your values and as a woman I do not think you are one simply because you’ve faced rejection. You seem like a nice person, and if you want to stop dating/need a break from trying that’s okay, but I really do think that you shouldn’t give up on that entirely. You seem like you could be a great partner for someone one day and if you want to be in a relationship then you should pursue it until you get that yes :)

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Peterson42 Thanks for your encouraging words! Yeah, it must definitely is an exposure worthy of ERP therapy. I now realize how OCD this is, as it’s a textbook example of ego-dystonic thinking. I’ll keep working on simply being a better me and controlling my OCD.

Username: a0782a0782

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey! I haven't experienced exactly your issue but still wanted to give my insight. I'm a 21 year old woman who had an obsession with the red pill/black pill and manosphere type creators and reddit threads. Its still a theme I havent been cured of but its been the hardest to shake since it seems to be everywhere nowdays. I came from a mother who.. Don't get me wrong. I love her a lot. But, she didn't like women very much. She believed that I didn't need higher education and that women would always be inferior and need to be subservient to men. I think being told this growing up affected my self esteem. I went deep into the tradwife/redpill rabbit hole and only became even more depressed once I realized I would never have kids due to a medical condition and would never be a "real" woman or deserving of a man. I know I'm going off on a tangent but what I wanted to say was these rabbit holes online are enemies for people with OCD. I think the term incel has been thrown around way too loosely and can really affect those such as yourself. My brother has never dated in his life and is the complete opposite of an "incel". It angers me a lot to think such an amazing man is grouped in with such a hateful crowd. I'm not going to try and convince you you're not an incel. Since I know OCD distorts our reality and reassurance can only fuel our compulsions. But I do empathize with your situation and want you to stay strong 💞 I don't consider myself a female incel, but I do have my own insecurites since I've never dated either on top of being physically disabled with mental illness and inability to have bio kids.. I feel worthless. I also have stereotypical male interests and am going to major in computer science. Due to my upbringing along with redpill forms I always hated myself for being too "masculine" and feared that'd make me undesirable or unfit to be a wife. Sorry for the long wall of text. Its late at night and I've never spoken to anyone about this ever lol.

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@a0782 Yeah, thanks for sharing! It looks like we have similar themes, just different genders is all. All it took from me was watching a video on incels and I soon was appalled at what I saw online. There was some curiosity in me, but now I realize that it is indeed a waste of time going to these forums or even googling information on incels. That’s cool you’re doing computer science, I’m not too far off with a PhD in math! I hope it goes well and that may we both fight stereotypes.

Username: Unknown111 Unknown111

Date posted: 1y ago

I think it’s really important to remember that “incel” is a made up internet term. At some point, some guy on the internet made it up. It really has no meaning, if you decide to see it that way. You can decide who you are, don’t let other people stereotype you. Trust me man, I know plenty of guys who haven’t dated in a long time, and definitely aren’t incels. My best friend is in the special forces, and hasn’t dated in a very long time. I’m currently getting my Master’s and haven’t dated in years. There are so many guys like you and I. It’s just the nature of modern dating - it’s difficult for young guys. My biggest piece of advice would be to stay away from Reddit, and anywhere online mentioning that term / discussing it. Live each day without that. And most importantly, u ultimately get to decide who you are. Don’t let some internet term get you down. Dating is hard. It’s just a fact. I would say I’ma great catch, and have been frustrated with it. You are definitely not alone! You got this man 👊👍

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Unknown111 Thanks! Yeah it most definitely is a construct. I remember the olden days where not everything was sexualized and it was cool to do other things with your time. Like getting a Masters! I’ll definitely heed your advice and stay far away from these toxic sites. One thing is looking for exposures, but another one is looking for trouble.

Username: Sassafras19

Date posted: 2y ago

Feeling Like a Creep

(Synopsis: Has your OCD ever latched on to someone and caused major changes in your life? How do you deal with feeling like a total creep?) My OCD has latched on to a guy I had a crush on through my school years. It started when I followed him on Instagram. I then broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years (which was for the best) and immediately started trying to SLEEP WITH THIS MAN. We DM’d and it went nowhere but I was EXTREMELY forward and aggressive to the point where a year later I am still very embarrassed by it. After that happened, I muted his story and posts and my obsessions faded. Then I was buying a home and since he is a carpenter I hit him up for a quote… It went nowhere as well probably because I BASICALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HIM. Anyway, then I saw the gym he went to looked like something I might enjoy so I signed up. I fell in love with this gym and now I go every day when I was never an active person. I’ve seen him there a few times and we just say hello. Super awkward. My friend is into manifestation so she suggested I look into manifesting a “specific person” and there is all of this content online about manifesting someone into your life no matter the circumstances. All you have to do is speak it into truth. Well that doesn’t mix well with OCD so I FULLY convinced myself that he and I were meant to be and all of this insane stuff. I realized it was a problem when I was talking about him to every one of my friends and sounding like a weirdo. That’s when I started NOCD. That brings me to where I’m at now. Every time I go to the gym, I wonder if he will be there. When he pops into my head, I go to his (muted) Instagram to see what I missed. I still have lingering feelings that I am so obsessed with him because we are fated to be together. This man has been the catalyst to several big things in my life: breaking up a long term relationship, becoming a gym rat, and starting NOCD. I’m even in the beginnings of a great relationship and I still can’t stop these obsessions. I just started working on it with my therapist here but I need someone to relate to! Does anyone else have these obsessions and how do you deal with feeling like a stalker creep?

Username: tomphilly

Date posted: 1y ago

Can anyone relate?

I’m 25 years old. Never have been in a relationship with a female. When I think about it, it makes me very sad. I have an extremely low self esteem. It was brought to my attention by a couple of OCD specialists about the correlation between OCD and my fear of rejection. For example, if I get rejected, it would mean that that person is confirming that I am indeed worthless and should go kill myself, etc. This sick all or nothing thinking is probably a big reason why I haven’t been in a relationship. My therapist at the moment from NOCD is pushing me to interact with more women by initiating conversation but I am nervous about this. I keep telling myself I’m going to say something to someone but I always freeze up and make excuses.

Username: kytalker

Date posted: 1y ago

Help

Hi everyone! I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that I did about something related to SO-OCD… I’m finally discovering that I might have this sub genre of OCD and have had it for a very long time. I have always felt awkward around other women especially in more intimate situations (like changing in the same room, laying in bed together or giving compliments about looks). All of this hit me like a ton of bricks when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend 2 years ago and our sex life started to decline after about 9 months of us being together. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and I obsess over finding out why I have grown not attracted to him sexually. Am I a lesbian? Am I just depressed? Am I falling out of love with him? Was I ever in love with him? The list goes on and my obsession with it grows stronger. I’m so scared I will have to break up with him because I do love him and love spending time with him. I’m scared to start ERP therapy because I’m worried I’ll realize that it’s best to just let him go 😭

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