Different…

I feel like every time I post about my main real event in ocd spaces, I’m met with silence. I understand my event is more severe than most, and I don’t expect anyone to be nice to me or feel sorry for me, I just want to find/talk to someone going through something similar. It feels so lonely, and even though my therapist believes I have ocd, it feels like a convenient excuse for me to stop thinking about something I really need to think about. I just feel like a fraud :(

Real Events OCD

laurend9209

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

You may get silence because people may not want to give reassurance as that won't help the OCD. It doesn't necessarily mean it was "that bad."

garba

Date posted: 1y

@laurend9209 I totally understand that. I don’t know why my brain takes the silence as, “See? You shouldn’t post here, you probably don’t have OCD, these persistent thoughts are the consequences of your actions, etc”. I don’t really want somebody to reassure me that what I did wasn’t “that bad” (because I genuinely believe it was), I guess I am seeking reassurance that it’s ok to move forward and not think about it all day every day. I know it’s not good, I just have never talked to anyone about this besides my girlfriend and my therapist. I feel like a fraud in society :(

laurend9209

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@enola I can absolutely relate and that's one of the kickers with real event. OCD does tend to affect our view of situations and the more we ruminate on it the more intense it feels. Even if I tell you it's okay to move on it is highly likely that it won't actually help. When I really commit to ERP and when I work on mindfulness and treat the thoughts that come with my real events as if they are irrelevant sometimes I get glimpses of how I've perhaps dramatized the event. I do still get backdoor spikes over it. It's a process I think

garba

Date posted: 1y

You’re right in that no matter how many times I’m told it’s ok to move forward (by both my therapist and girlfriend, and even by kind people like you), it never lasts long and I never become unstuck. I know I need to throw myself headfirst into my ERP and really give it my all, but the fear of it not being OCD holds me back. I’m afraid to miss opportunities to take accountability for my actions. But I’m still gonna try to ERP it out, and this talk has motivated me to really give it my all, if not forever, at least for tonight :) So thank you!

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I'm sorry I missed your previous post, I'd like to talk about this with you. I have real event OCD myself and it's always over bad choices I've made. So I need to snap out of the OCD spiraling, then from there I can remember the events appropriately in order to learn from my mistakes, forgive others and myself, heal and move forward. I'd be welcome to talking with you anytime

garba

Date posted: 1y

@Mike in PA Thank you so much for your concept! I understand treating the OCD first so I can think about the events more rationally, it’s just really hard when my event is more severe than any I’ve seen on any OCD forum (in fact, I actually saw a post on here that said people that do what I did (TRIGGER WARNING) deserve to watch their families die slowly and painfully). My event involves (primarily emotional) infidelity in my relationship from about 4 years ago. I confessed to my girlfriend a few years back and she says she has fully forgiven me and doesn’t need anymore details, that she just wants to move on, but I am so mentally stuck. I feel like I can’t move forward until she knows every thought I had at the time. Until everyone knows what/who I truly am. Which is a selfish way to think in and of itself. I’m never present, always trying to figure out how I could be so evil. I don’t even know if my thoughts/behavior around this can be considered OCD (my therapist seems to think it is) with how severe the event is. My thoughts/behavior seem to be an appropriate response to being a terrible partner and person. And I hate that my girlfriend seems to be totally fine and happy, but I constantly am bringing up this event and confessing all the details around it. I hate bringing her back to the past when she just wants me to be here with her in the present as an improved individual. But I don’t think I will ever deserve that again. I’m really sorry for the rant haha. It’s been a hard few days. I just feel sad and broken, like I’m tainting her life. I love her so much, I have learned so much from every fucked up decision I made, and I am positive that I will never harm someone in such a hideous and selfish way again. Thank you so much for being so open and willing to hear me out 🤍 I hope you have a great day.

garba

Date posted: 1y

@Mike in PA Also I’m sorry for responding so late!

garba

Date posted: 1y

*comment, not concept!

emma345

Date posted: 18w

Reocd but actually did something bad

17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

Just don’t want to be alone

Is there anyone out there with the real event subtype that wouldn’t mind giving me some encouragement not to confess or do compulsions? It always says I’m different. My events are the exception. What do you do to ignore this voice?

Real Events OCD

ocdrecovery198

Date posted: 8w

Feeling alone with OCD

Sometimes I feel like nobody really gets me. Nobody knows what’s going on in my head. I try to explain in vivid detail, but my ocd immediately reads the other persons face and registers that they don’t get it. It’s a very isolating experience. Anyone else have something like this?

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