PLS HELP!

i cannot go to therapy cause my parents don’t really “believe” in mental recovery, so i’d like to get some advices. i want these thoughts to leave my mind, i worry whether there is an afterlife or not, actually i believe in a material afterlife even tho i’m not religious but i obsessively think “will i get depressed/bored in a trillion years? will me and my bf break up in a trillion years? i love gifts, but in a trillion years i will have too much objects where do i put them??” and other extremely overwhelming thoughts like “i won’t remember this beautiful memory in a lot of years” and when i need to do something i ask myself "what's the point of this? will i remember this?" this is terrifying and i think about this every single moment with a lot of anxiety seems that a lot of people believe in reincarnation and that name is something you choose for yourself but this means that my mom is not my mom and she didn’t choose my name? please help me it’s difficult to react differently to these thoughts and don’t ruminate, i also have to study and this is so hard..i stayed home from school for 3 days because i was having panic attacks 24/7 and couldn’t study for tests, but i stopped with compulsions 5 days ago (aka searching answers about afterlife on reddit) and i feel like i’m way better, but i still have thoughts i mean, is this ocd? seems like im the only one i can't enjoy happy moments anymore and im scared, i often think that life is useless pointless and unfair, idk how 2 months ago i was able to live my life without thinking about the after..i only took my NOW life into consideration and had intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend..seems so weird to me now what i have to do? some techniques or idk? i never would have thought i would say this, but i miss ROCD, seems like my mental problems/ocd themes in this 3 years are only becoming worse and worse p.s. does drinking chamomile during the day and lemon balm at night help? cause i’m starting to drink this A LOT daily

I’m really struggling with this theme because it can make me feel “fake” and it creates doubts that the world around me isn’t real or it’s a simulation? I’m really trying to expose myself but even the possibility makes me incredibly afraid. It even plays into my suicidal ocd as well and makes me afraid that my life would be miserable if this was true. I know how ocd works and I know not to fully believe that. But at the same time, I am trapped in doubt and fear. How could I possibly accept this? Will I ever see the world or life the same again? (Don’t answer that I realize that’s reassurance). Idk this theme is so ass.

Suffering from solipsism ocd where I think that everything around me is fake and that I’m stuck in a simulation as the only conscious being. I also have thoughts that there is a higher power that is controlling everything around me and that I’m the main character in a video game. Everyone and everything around me is an npc or generated to keep me in the “game”. This is the worst ocd theme that I’ve had to deal with thus far. Is there anybody else that has had this? and what ERP techniques can I use? Need some ideas. Thanks.