Anyone Else

My OCD flared back up 10 weeks ago. Massive anxiety,followed by intrusive thoughts and fears. I had been good for 8 years. Then was triggered by a story I heard about a man with ocd that killed his family. I then went into panic mode thinking that can't be right. It doesn't work that way, then started obsessing about the people you see on TV that do that sort of thing and started fearing well what if they are a narcissist with ocd and what if I'm a narcissist with ocd and what if that is what made them do that and could it make me think i want to do that. I've kind of drifted from that Fear and my new fear is, my first major anxiety/panic attack happened when my wife was pregnant with our first child 22 years ago. Back then I thought well maybe it's the pregnancy that made me go into ocd mode. We had 2 more kids after and I dealt with harm ocd with the 2nd child and the 3rd there were no issues. I fear now that what if one day I blame the kids for my ocd and what if it makes me hate them or resent them or not love them or want to avoid them. I love them so much. My life is centered around my kids and I love being with them. How should I go about handling this fear. Accepting it as maybe it will happen or maybe it won't isn't a real option for me. It's so distressing to think of that scenario. Any help would be greatly appreciated

Billy 1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hey, sounds like your having a really hard time right now battling with the dreaded OCD! It seems that you’ve had what we call a ‘back door spike’, and after 8 years it’s popped back up again to say hello! 🤬🤬🤬 OCD is ego-dystonic, meaning it creates thoughts, images, impulses and behaviours that are repugnant, distressing, unacceptable and are inconsistent with your own self concept. That’s why we find them so hard and they leave us riddled with anxiety and distress. Track your anxiety when you have these thoughts, scale them from 0-10 and choice the ones lower on the scale to challenge. Remember “there’s nothing there for you to figure out”. You need to learn to accept the uncertainty and those “what ifs”. The more you try to figure it all out the more you continue the cycle. You’ve got this my friend, I will attach some great links such as a free 15 min consultation with someone from NOCD to talk through ERP. A link around what ERP is as well as success stories as I know this helps me when I’m having a pretty tuff time to remember there’s light at the end of the tunnel ! What is ERP https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-exposure-and-response-prevention-therapy 15 min consultation https://www.treatmyocd.com/calendar?src=homepage&_gl=1*dpgbx1*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE2MzY2NTk5MTQuQ2p3S0NBaUFtN09NQmhBUUVpd0FydkdpM0QwaEhYczN1Q0ZabWhVRUF4RndaaDJoa3AxbTRnek9TRWQweUJ4U3pqeU1SRU9FNGVwZkFSb0NNY0VRQXZEX0J3RQ.. OCD journey stories to recovery- https://www.treatmyocd.com/my-ocd-journey

Anonymous

User type: Staff

Date posted: 2y

First I want to tell you that my heart goes out to you. What you described can be a very common fear in OCD. Here are some articles that may help: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/coping-with-triggers-in-the-news-when-you-have-ocd & https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/my-symptoms-come-and-go-is-it-still-ocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 22w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

Anonymousalways

Date posted: 16w

Always in my head

Im sorry I have to come on here and ask for advice once again, but as some people on here know I have been suffering with ocd since I was around the age of ten, which only got worse as my beautiful children came along. or nearly 60 years Ive had every type of ocd there is, they always come down to the same thing , not wanting to ever harm the people I love more than anything. I had got on top of this and was managing well, I know I would never harm anyone I love ever and would never ever want to, no more of the hypothetical scenarios for reassurance either , but its like every time I try to stop the mental compulsions intrusive thoughts come back after a few days, As I was in between going to sleep and was half awake the horrible words ' hope ***** dies I cannot even write the name down who it was about. I do not know where it came from but I am constantly getting upset about this as it was about someone I would give up my life for. I think you can probably guess what I mean without me having to say it. I do read a lot of posts and ocd podcasts and once read someones story wher they used to wish bad things and I have never been able to stop worrying in case something like that happened to me . Could this be what it was that has caused it ? I think Ive also still held onto something from when I was a child when I used to worry that thinking something too much could make it happen,, Please, please give me some addvice and thank you,,, sorry for the long post.

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