B

I feel like im back at square one. Ive made a lot of progress the past few months, going from house bound to going out almost every day. I did probably a hundred exposures. I even went to a hospital which was huge because just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. But now im falling into depression again, my anxiety is through the rough, i have dark thoughts again (dont want to act on them in fact they scare me). Im so scared of falling into the black hole of depression and losing everything i worked so hard to get. I really dont know why this is happening. I feel like maybe im not trying at all anymore and something is seriously wrong with me. I keep imagining that ill end up in a deep depression again and do something to myself even tho i dont want to at all. But the anxiety is extremely exhausting

Valval

Date posted: 1y ago

I send you all my love and support

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Stay strong and fight. Just take one small moment at a time.

Brendan =]

Date posted: 1y ago

This is such an understandable and relatable post. It can feel maddening and infuriating to feel you’re back at square one when you feel like you were making good progress and put so much time and effort into treatment and recovery. But is all really lost for sure? Recovery is not linear and ups and downs and steep drops and slow rebuilds are totally normal. Make sure you’re not judging or beating yourself up. Give yourself a little bit of time and patience, because like you’ve been dealing with thoughts for a while, these are just more thoughts. Work on treating them like the non-event they really are and try to accept uncertainty around them. Assuming you’re in ERP therapy, try to accept some negative possibilities- maybe you will wind up back at square one and have to start all over. Maybe you’ll be there for quite a while. Maybe this will all be overwhelming for a long time. Take power back over these thoughts by working with these. Maybe even do an imaginal exposure with them. Remember that to beat OCD, you have to be as strong as it is. This isn’t easy. I personally had a really hard day yesterday and understand what you’re describing, but keep fighting without compulsions or cognitive distortions. Sadly this disorder doesn’t have compassion for hard times, nor does it take days off. Find your strength, use your skills, find opportunity in the struggle.

Cats in the ...

Date posted: 1y ago

I actually did all my exposures on my own, mostly for agoraphobia. The real challenge now is all my other obsessions that have taken enormous proportions. Im planning to do erp on my own for them as i cant afford therapy. Nocd isnt affordable at all. I just feel very depressed and anxious all day long, no motivation anymore. Its kind of confusing

Brendan =]

Date posted: 1y ago

@Solaris I hear you about the cost but I think therapy is important because a therapist can catch you if you’re going in the wrong direction, or falling into traps. They can teach you ways to approach where you’re having a hard time, correct mistakes, and assign you homework catered to your ERP work. Is there any way you can get insurance or find a way to get funding? It sucks mental health treatment is so unaffordable for so many.

Cats in the ...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Brendan =] Ive been trying to get a job for months but i never get contacted by anyone :( i dont know what to do for now

ReadyForImpr...

Date posted: 1y ago

It's a temporary blip. As others have said, it comes up sometimes. You absolutely haven't lost any progress! You haven't unlearned anything. You still know what to do. Remember that the thoughts aren't yours. They don't have meaning. Do ERP, use your non-engagement responses for intrusive thoughts, redirect your attention. Keep living your values! You've got this. You've come so far and this is just a hiccup. We are here for you 🩷

cows12465

Date posted: 23w ago

Advice please!! needed

The theme i struggle with most is suicidal OCD. And with September being “national suicide awareness month”, My anxiety is sky high. i’m back in my spiral. I’m back with the panic attacks. My mind keeps comparing itself to all of these people and now i’m convinced i want too or i have these symptoms and im next. i’m freaking myself out and idk what to do. I get scared i have suicidal ideation when i know i don’t because i would never ever actually kms nor hurt myself in anyway. Does anyone know how to comercome this??? I just got out of my spiral not even 1 months ago and im scared im going deeper this time. My mind is all over the place scared im actually going to do it when i know im not and i feel like i have to go to the hospital or something idk what to do.

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

hereintheUK

Date posted: 12w ago

Sudden setback

Where do I begin with this…….. so my OCD has been around since childhood and has had many themes over the years. I only realised I have it just over 2 years ago. I’ve tried many things to help it not be such a monster and thought I had a good grip on it for a length of time until now! Some of my strategies have been acceptance, change of perception of thoughts and sometimes on hard days just telling myself that no matter what, I have to be brave and go out and live life. In the last few months I’ve developed none OCD related anxiety as well and so have been looking at ways to help with that. Sunday morning I was just casually scrolling TikTok and a video only about 30 seconds long or so comes up, seemingly a therapist of some kind, straight away the video began something like “you cannot replace a thought with another thought” along the lines of “you can’t THINK your way out anxiety” I don’t know the full context of the video it wasn’t long enough, I don’t know who the therapist was I didn’t look but now purely because of that one sentence my OCD has gripped onto it so badly and is trying to tear down some of my strategies because I have used changing my thought patterns a lot to help me, self compassion etc but now because of that video I’m struggling! I’m not looking for answers but I am just really upset and it feels like I’m in an impossible grip of OCD again

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