im relapsing into overthinking, falling into the rabbit hole. I'm going to turn off my brain now and dismiss every concern. I'm not going to address anything. I will act as if this triggering episode never happened, and with that the rabbit hole that I fell into. I'm going to drown the thoughts.
Good. You can start over any time!
Unfortunately, since you're the one experiencing it, you'll probably never actually forget it happened. It's always in the background wondering why you haven't acknowledged it. And that can get extremely uncomfortable too. I tried this for years only to have those memories flood in during a crisis episode, all at once. If it truly bothers you, share it on here and/or share it with your therapist. They can help you diffuse the thought you're obsessing over.
I understand, my issue though is that when I share ocd episodes it has an habit of becoming a compulsion where i address everything in the most detailed way possible, trying to get rid of that and try not to make every little ocd episode the biggest crisis ever so i can move on. appreciate the advice though, it is sometimes that way, i guess we just have to be more mindful (but not overthink) in what we do
@Nameless000 actually idk if what i just said is legit 100%, like idk if it really is a compulsion, but it was my main compulsion. From my experience delaying this "compulsion" to the point of not addressing at all but just move on has helped me feel more normal, less stressed and not overthinking things. I just try not to aknowledge the triggering episode and challenge myself by moving forward through the distress with the day as if nothing happened, trying to maintain this compulsion-free streak the most i can. By doing so i take away power from ocd and spend less time ruminating and overthinking things as well as stressing over writing down every triggering episode related to ocd, it is less tiring and i feel somehow freer. sometimes though i have big relapses, but i try to recover. In short, by not writing down/addressing triggering ocd episodes I'm not attaching any meaning to the event, I act as if it didn't bother me to trick ocd that it isn't important. If I were to write it down, for me, it would be like aknowledging that it is important and so giving it power over me. Instead of grabbing this moment in time and getting stuck with it i just try to let it go, I eat up the distress and challenge myself by moving on with the day regardless of the bump in the way and with some luck i might forget and not think abt it
Hello, so I’m currently spiralling so so so bad and I want someone to help me and tell me what to do rn. I have dyslexia so there might be some misspelling 3 months ago I read a manga that triggered my POCD to start The manga was cute, I enjoyed it tbh, but it had pedophilic themes (idk why I continued on to read it?!) and in the end it got quite sexual. I was sick while reading it so sadly I don't have much memories. Anyways afterwards I read some comments about how this was smth only pedos like. And since then, intense POCD. Stopped eating, isolated nyself, tried to commit multiple of times and called 991 on myself too. I kept on going about and thinking if I wanted smth sexual to happen, I know I thought there would be a time jump. And thought that something sexual might have happened then. But I can't stop doubting myself or thinking "what if I liked it when it started to get sexual" and the memories of such feel so real that I can't ignore them. I've never ever enjoyed CP before, or manga with SA (honestly I don't enjoy smut much overall, but they're pretty common in romance mangas) but if it has sexual themes and the characters look like kids/are kids/a weird age gap ect. I drop it, but idk why I didn't drop this one. Then I realised that I had never been attracted to kids, and this scenario doesnt have to mean that I am a pedophile. I also have ALOT of trauma around pedophilia (CSA survivor, started making CP as a coping mechanism. It ruined my childhood and took loads of cptsd therapy to stop relapsing.) And I didn’t have a spiral for weeks, I did epr fully and thought I had finally figured out a way to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Nope lol, today I was insanely bored and decided to watch black mirror. “Shut up and dance” I knew that there was an episode that I had been warned about being triggering bht naive like I tend to be I watched it. And now I’m deeply spiralling again. I’m so tired T_T
Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.
I ruminated too much this morning and got distressing mental images (and confirmation) which sent me spiraling again. How do I stop thinking about this and how do I get back to myself? I feel destroyed.
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