Can't do anything without getting depressed

I've had a decent day until I've had a terrible day today. I know you wouldn't understand how I feel specifically. It seems nobody does. And there's a pattern: I always end up talking to someone, maybe end up feeling better or worse, and then I feel bad again and feel like I need to talk again. I've had too many soul-crushing days, especially thinking about how there are more special people to God out there than I am.

@Anonymous if you believe in god (I don't) you knoe that god loves everyone the same. Soul crushing days are normal if rare, stay strong there are people out there who love you and there are good things yet to live

@steleven I believe in God, and I don't think He loves everyone the same. Though people may love me, they have others who they love more than me too. Seems like half the days are soul crushing. And you don't need to respond unless you want to, I'm just venting

@Anonymous half the days soul crushing is too much, are you seeing a therapist?

@steleven Yep

@Anonymous well I am not religious but from when I went to church I remember them saying that god is good and loves everybody equally but maybe those are different gods :) I am sorry if it came up as rude or something I am very sleepy I am on a roadtrip

@Anonymous isnt it helping?

@steleven No you didn't seem rude. :) I hope you have fun! In general, ERP has been essential to me, but it has not cured this, no matter how much I do. The main problem is a mix of my beliefs and rumination. I'm Christian. Most people will say what you have said about God, but most Christians will also say things that contradict that. And speaking of the pattern I brought up earlier, this is the sort of thing that applies to it. I'll talk to you about this, you'll tell me your opinion and I'll tell you mine, my opinion won't change, I'll be sad again later and the pattern will repeat. I hope that didn't come across wrong the way I worded that though

@Anonymous I understand what you say OCD operates pretty much the same in all fields. I am glad ERP is helping you I am not doing it yet, if you need to talk I can listen to you tho (ik on the long run it won't help much, but if you are too stressed it is good fo talk)

@steleven I'm not trying to bug you or anything about therapy, but if you wanted to try therapy with a therapist who is not at NOCD, you might find one who takes your insurance/is a better possible option for you elsewhere. Of course, don't just take my word for it -- my advice probably isn't the best. And be mindful if you do, and try to get a therapist who really understands OCD. The International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website has a place for you to search for OCD therapists, that might be a good place to look.

@Anonymous thank you I have been dealing with it since 2021 autumn it came suddenly and it gets worse and better rhank you fir your advice I hope you can get better and stable

@steleven Same to you. And mine came about in January 2021.

@Anonymous was it out of nothing too? I got triggered in the middle of a movie and that was the moment that it changed a lot

@steleven Yep. Looking back, I think I had OCD for a long time before I knew I had it. But one day I was praying in the car and then out of nowhere my first really bad obsession hit me. It was like a turning-point in my life -- a life-changing event. It's really odd that since that one event my life has completely changed...

@Anonymous I felt the same.I thought I was about to go crazy and that I wouldn't last much. Such bad feelings all day. Pal, we are gonna get it, stay strong

@steleven Yeah. You too. May I ask what you mean by you wouldn't last long?

@Anonymous like I couldn't survive to this state of mind (suicidal thoughts too)

@Anonymous but i never even self harmed because i want to stay i just want to be good

@steleven I'm glad to hear that it sounds like you have such a strong will, with a lot of self control and self awareness. I too have had suicidal thoughts. I understand not feeling like you can survive a state of mind; to me it feels like suffocation, in a word

@Anonymous that is a good word for the feeling yes :) I have a few control, because I dont want to make my family sad and because I know it is kind of an illusion. How are you doing?

@steleven What do you mean by you have a few control? Did you mean you have a few reasons?

@steleven And I'm not doing as well as you seem to be

@Anonymous I hope you get better I am not doing any good too, but hopefully we will feel ok again

@steleven Thanks. You too

I've been doing things like gaming and computer programming, but I still get depressed in the middle of whatever I'm doing. The depression seems to have negatively impacted my perspectives of the hobbies I love. I have used exercise before, but even then I would get depressed in the middle of a jog

@Anonymous I am really sorry to hear that. I hope you are able to surround yourself around the things that make you smile the most. :)