I need to vent. Hopefully someone will relate to this- that would offer me so much comfort. An obsessive fear I’ve had for quite some time is getting poisoned. I have struggled with that obsession for years, but its peak manifestation has persisted ever since a “friend” gave me laced marijuana. It was the worst I’ve ever felt. It topped all of the trauma I’ve ever experienced because the drug enhanced the worst attributes of anxiety that would otherwise be somewhat manageable in a sober state. Now almost every time I eat, I have a panic attack. Almost every time I touch a foreign object (gas pump, door handle, etc.) a panic attack follows. Often these bouts of severe anxiety have to be internalized due to situations, making the physiological fixations far more severe. I fear that I may ingest some kind of oral poison or come in contact with some topical poison. I fear my food is laced with psychedelic drugs. Of course I understand these fears are unwarranted and irrational, but lately they’re the most prevalent obsessions in my mind and body. I don’t trust any food, even if I make it myself. I do have a history of anorexia (I was diagnosed with anorexia at the same time I was diagnosed with OCD) and the analytical part of me wonders of my illnesses have coincided to breed some kind of new combative way due to my successful efforts to manage both issues. I just feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. If you read this whole thing, you’re a champ and I thank you. Can anybody relate in any capacity?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. You had a scary experience that would have sparked fear in anyone. With OCD, trauma like this can easily become an obsession. You mentioned having anorexia. I know for many sufferers, not eating gives people a sense of control. I wonder if not eating has become a kind of compulsion for you. Unfortunately with compulsions, the only thing we can do is start resisting them and sitting with the anxiety. Can you challenge yourself to eat more frequent but smaller meals throughout the day? It may be easier to manage the anxiety if your eating period is very short. You could work to lengthen it over time. Are you seeing an OCD specialist? It sounds like you have a lot of insight into your fears, which is usually a strong predictor that therapy would be very helpful for you. If you don’t have someone available in the area, I’d encourage you to seek online or telehealth therapy. I’ve been completely debilitated by OCD in the past. It can feel like life will never be okay again. But it will. Treatment can work. There are also some great self help workbooks on OCD out there. https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings Stay strong!

Thank you for the support and insight :) and I appreciate the link and will check it out as soon as I finish writing my comment! The link between my ED and the OCD is something that’s been confusing to me due to the way it displays itself through bizarre fixations (I’m sure you understand what I mean). I was seeing an OCD specialist whom I ADORED, but sadly I moved an hour away from his office :(

Also, my apologies if there are typos or if I’m not making sense. Sometimes, as I’m sure you’ll understand, it is just very hard to put our feelings into words

Seek out another specialist! Sometimes we move, sometimes therapists move or retire. If you were benefitting from it, I’d highly recommend returning. We all have our own weird links between different conditions and life circumstances. It makes total sense to me the ED would link to your OCD.