Being too close to people

17f I was taking a bus and there was a group of children taking it too, like a kindergarten group. I tried to find a place where I thought children are not going to sit but one sat next to me anyway And the thing is that when I need to pee I become a bit physically aroused? Idk I've googled it and it's not that uncommon. Also the vibration from the bus gives me a bit of a groinal response yk since I sit on a seat which vibrates I mean I wasn't even really aroused that much it was a light sensation which was easy to ignore because I was on my phone But im scared I'm like a predator or something cause I didn't leave the bus immediately and had a groinal response when the kid was next to me I dont worry that it was the kid who was the reason of it (I mean not yet maybe I will freak out about it later) I'm just scared it's not appropriate to feel something like that while im next to a child even if he is not the reason of it But I tried to just ignore it and thought that I'm probably being dramatic After couple stops I got too anxious and got off the bus to wait to the next one which I hoped is not going to be full of kids But I'm scared that I'm a bad person and a sexual predator cause I didn't leave immediately after I had this thoughts While writing this post I got on another bus and sat at a seat but there js a child on the bus too not next to me but still not that far from me but I'm scared because of social anxiety people will look at me weirdly if I randomly change seats after I already sat but at the same time what if I'm being a pervert Like I don't even see the kid and stuff but still I'm scared am I a pervert or something Like is it predatory to be aroused near a child? Like the child is not the reason of it, u just are, and I wadnt purposely making myself aroused I just couldn't really help it But maybe I should've left the bus immediately? I mean I did but only after a couple stops because I thought that maybe is not that much of a big deal and I'm being dramatic

I don't know how to describe it, but when i walk down the street it's like I'm always very aware of whether people are looking at me or something, and i can feel some concern if some older men slightly look at me, if they are stalkers or they are watching me because of my butt, or other parts, and i tend to squeeze it or hide it, i get uncomfortable and want to leave quickly. This also makes me question whether i actually experienced something that i'm not remembering or that i have blocked, because i think my reactions and my fears are somewhat more strong and weird. It's weird, i used to objectify myself to get attention and that's where most of the bad actions i did come from, but now it's like i feel hypervigilant, besides being afraid of being terrible myself, i also worry about other people being like that. It's also like i want to have nothing sexual, to have an operation to remove my parts or something like that

I’m going to a waterpark with my friend in a few days. And I have very severe harm OCD that causes me to worry I’ll touch someone inappropriately. This is going to sound so fucking silly but because my hips moved during a hug one time I’m afraid I’m gonna fucking thrust on someone (bruh wtf lol) and anytime I walk by someone my hips will move a bit or my leg will stretch out too far when I’m walking and I’ll feel like I fucking like it. And I’ll think I was just trying to do a thrust or something (it sounds silly when I type it out and to be fair it is lmao) and I’ll freak out. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like a fucking psycho.