- Date posted
- 1y
ROCD
I’m really mad at myself right now. I broke up with my boyfriend again. We just fixed our almost breakup not even 3 weeks ago and I’ve already spiraled. My feelings were confusing me. I couldn’t tell if I loved him if there was someone els for me, was I really in love with him, do I want to break up. Over and over again. I’ve ruined this. And I’ve told him I don’t want to breakup but that doesn’t even feel true. He’s so good to me and gentle and patient and he loves better than anyone has. He’s the most beautiful person. And I feel like I’m ruining him. I want to be happy with him again but I also feels like it’s best for him to leave now. Because I can’t promise to be okay still. He said he needs time and space to be with his friends he already said that he doesn’t want to breakup but that he feels it’s the most necessary thing to do. He knows I have ocd but doesn’t actually understand what that is or what it looks like. Sometimes I feel wrong when I say it’s my ocd, like “no it’s not. This is just your feelings and who you are.” He was the best boyfriend but I feel like and ungrateful monster standing next to him. He doesn’t deserve this. I love him even when I struggle to know if I’m in love with him. But I just can’t seem to make my life better. I feel like I should just be alone again. I wish I was different. I wish I could know 100% I wish I would never doubt.